Whoa, you're shaky IRL : 
This is what happens when I try to get coffee:
Batista: Can you tell me your first name?
Me: Nebuchadnezzar.
Batista: *confused look* Ummm, how do I spell that?
Me: Just write Nebby.
Batista: *even more confused look, for some reason my accent + my nickname don't gel* I'm sorry, what's that? Neeby? Nebbly?
Me: *sigh* Mary. My name's Mary.
After a while I just started saying Mary by default. It's my coffee name.
I once kept a scammer on the phone for nearly an hour keeping him convinced that he had me. It was one of those scams that tries to convince you that your computer has a virus and they are from Microsoft and the only way to fix it is for them to walk you through some crazy nonsense.
I had him so convinced.
Me: Really? There's a virus on my computer?
Caller: Yes, very bad one. No antivirus for it.
Me: Well, which computer? I own 5.
Caller: The one closest to you.
Me: Well, that's a problem. I'm exactly in the middle of my house.
Caller: Just the closest computer will be fine.
Me: But you said it was just one computer.
Caller: Just go to the closest computer to you.
Me: But what if it's the wrong one?
Caller: If it is, we can try a different one.
Me: But my house is huge, bro! What if my hard drives fries while I'm checking the wrong computer?!?!
Caller: That's fine. Just, let's get started with the closest computer.
Me: We don't have time!!! You said this was important! Emergency important!
Caller: Please, just pick a computer!
Me: Can I just pay you to fix it?
Caller: Certainly, i will need your bank information.
Me: Crap, my accountant has all that and their on vacation in Tahiti right now. Can you take a raincheck?
Like, I had this going on for an hour. I think I was playing Assassin's Creed on xbox or something while I did this. My house NEVER received this kind of scam again. I think we were blacklisted by them.