I loved DA2 specifically because Hawke was such a failure. But a lot of people complained that they didn't get to save the world, so we got Inquisiton instead where pretty much every choice is equally likely to succeed. Sort of defeats the point of choosing, really. I miss the days when there was no safety net.
I dunno, I would say that DA2 is the exception rather than the rule for BioWare in terms of PC safety net. Even when compared to the older games, like Baldur's Gate or Jade Empire. DA2 is probably the one BioWare game in which the protagonist "loses" in a sense. In most of their other games, you can be a horrible person, but you'll still win.
Our response to an NPC isn't the same as our character's response, though. Maybe the distinction isn't equally clear for every player; it depends on how deliberately you like to roleplay. But I don't think self-awareness is easily measured by in-game choices. Not always, anyway.
Still, I think you're right that a lot of people's view of Solas or various DA villains would change if they were playable.
It's easier for us to judge others than ourselves. However there is another side to this, which is that we can also be prone to making excuses for characters we are heavily invested in and/or empathise strongly with. I know there are a lot of Solasmancers in this thread, of which I'm one - he's my first and still only DAI romance. I made some posts in this thread that were critical of Solas and talked about some of my angry feelings after Trespasser
. I got some responses - not mean or anything - that were, I think, gently trying to help me see more fully from Solas' perspective. I appreciate that, but at times I also felt like it was being suggested that any problems I had with Solas were mainly due to a failure of my own empathy. And hey, maybe that's true. But I gotta ask ... at what point are we no longer allowed to call a character's motives/actions into question, if we claim to love that character?
Very true. The player and the character do not have to agree about Solas, or any other game element for that matter. And IMO it's interesting when they don't. But Shari'El's original post was about the player, so that's what I (somewhat goofily) responded to 
IMO there is no point at which we shouldn't call a character's motives/actions into question. It's perfectly possible to love a character, empathize with them even, and think they're being a goddamn idiot. It's also possible to be furious at a character, poke fun at them, want to see them pay, etc. None of these things are mutually exclusive with liking the character. But I think some of those subtleties get lost in the shuffle, and a lot of them got drowned out in the immediate aftermath of Trespasser when emotions were running high.