Mysterious Demon
A Screenplay by Cee
INT. SKYHOLD ROTUNDA - AFTERNOON
Thoughtful Inquisitor INQUISITOR NIRWEN LAVELLAN is arguing with caring Evanuris SOLAS . NIRWEN tries to hug SOLAS but he shakes her off.
NIRWEN
Please Solas, don't leave me. SOLAS
I'm sorry Nirwen, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away. NIRWEN
I am such a person!
SOLAS frowns.
SOLAS
I'm sorry, Nirwen. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
SOLAS leaves.
NIRWEN sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, old magic nerd SIR DORIAN PAVUS barges in looking flustered.
NIRWEN
Goodness, Dorian! Is everything okay? DORIAN
I'm afraid not. NIRWEN
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense... DORIAN
It's ... a demon ... I saw an evil demon tempt a bunch of Elvhen! NIRWEN
Defenseless Elvhen? DORIAN
Yes, defenseless Elvhen! NIRWEN
Bloomin' heck, Dorian! We've got to do something. DORIAN
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start. NIRWEN
You can start by telling me where this happened. DORIAN
I was...
DORIAN fans himself and begins to wheeze.
NIRWEN
Focus Dorian, focus! Where did it happen? DORIAN
The Fade! That's right - The Fade!
NIRWEN springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
NIRWEN rushes along the street, followed by DORIAN. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
EXT. THE FADE - SHORTLY AFTER
DIN EVANURIS a mysterious demon terrorises two Elvhen.
NIRWEN, closely followed by DORIAN, rushes towards DIN, but suddenly stops in her tracks.
DORIAN
What is is? What's the matter? NIRWEN
That's not just any old demon, that's Din Evanuris! DORIAN
Who's Din Evanuris? NIRWEN
Who's Din Evanuris? Who's Din Evanuris? Only the most mysterious demon in the universe! DORIAN
Blinkin' knickers, Nirwen! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most mysterious demon in the universe! NIRWEN
You can say that again. DORIAN
Blinkin' knickers, Nirwen! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most mysterious demon in the universe! NIRWEN
I'm going to need staff, lots of staff.
Din turns and sees Nirwen and Dorian. He grins an evil grin.
DIN
Nirwen Lavellan, we meet again. DORIAN
You've met? NIRWEN
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young NIRWEN is sitting in a park listening to some polka music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.
She looks up and sees DIN. She takes off her headphones.
DIN
Would you like some frilly cake?
NIRWEN's eyes light up, but then he studies DIN more closely, and looks uneasy.
NIRWEN
I don't know, you look kind of mysterious. DIN
Me? No. I'm not mysterious. I'm the least mysterious demon in the world. NIRWEN
Wait, you're a demon?
NIRWEN runs away, screaming.
EXT. THE FADE - PRESENT DAY
DIN
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now. DORIAN
(To NIRWEN) You ran away? NIRWEN
(To DORIAN) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
NIRWEN turns to DIN.
NIRWEN
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
NIRWEN runs away.
She turns back and shouts.
NIRWEN
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with staff. DIN
I'm not scared of you. NIRWEN
You should be.
EXT. CRESTWOOD - LATER THAT DAY
NIRWEN and DORIAN walk around searching for something.
NIRWEN
I feel sure I left my staff somewhere around here. DORIAN
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly staff. NIRWEN
You know nothing Dorian Pavus. DORIAN
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, DIN appears, holding a pair of staff.
DIN
Looking for something? DORIAN
Crikey, Nirwen, he's got your staff. NIRWEN
Tell me something I don't already know! DORIAN
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km. NIRWEN
I know that already! DORIAN
I love butts. DIN
(appalled) Dude!
While DIN is looking at DORIAN with disgust, NIRWEN lunges forward and grabs her deadly staff. He wields them, triumphantly.
NIRWEN
Prepare to die, you mysterious beet! DIN
No please! All I did was tempt a bunch of Elvhen!
SOLAS enters, unseen by any of the others.
NIRWEN
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those Elvhen were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Nirwen Lavellan defender of innocent Elvhen. DIN
Don't hurt me! Please! NIRWEN
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these staff on you right away! DIN
Because Nirwen, I am your father.
NIRWEN looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.
NIRWEN
No you're not! DIN
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
DIN tries to grab the staff but NIRWEN dodges out of the way.
NIRWEN
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, DIN slumps to the ground.
DORIAN
Did he just faint? NIRWEN
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly staff.
NIRWEN crouches over DIN's body.
DORIAN
Be careful, Nirwen. It could be a trick. NIRWEN
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Din Evanuris is dead! NIRWEN
What? NIRWEN
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
DORIAN claps his hands.
DORIAN
So your staff did save the day, after all.
SOLAS steps forward.
SOLAS
Is it true? Did you kill the mysterious demon? NIRWEN
Solas how long have you been...?
SOLAS puts his arm around NIRWEN.
SOLAS
Long enough. NIRWEN
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Din Evanuris. SOLAS
Then the Elvhen are safe? NIRWEN
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable Elvhen enter, looking relived.
SOLAS
You are their hero.
The Elvhen bow to NIRWEN.
NIRWEN
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Din Evanuris will never tempt Elvhen ever again, is enough for me. SOLAS
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the Elvhen passes NIRWEN an elven orb
SOLAS
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude. NIRWEN
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.
NIRWEN
Well, if you insist.
NIRWEN takes the orb.
NIRWEN
Thank you.
The Elvhen bow their heads once more, and leave.
NIRWEN turns to SOLAS.
NIRWEN
Does this mean you want me back? SOLAS
Oh, Nirwen, of course I want you back!
NIRWEN smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
NIRWEN
Well you can't have me. SOLAS
WHAT? NIRWEN
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a demon to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that. SOLAS
But... NIRWEN
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Dorian.
DORIAN grins.
SOLAS
But... DORIAN
You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo! SOLAS
Nirwen? NIRWEN
I'm sorry Solas, but I think you should skidaddle.
SOLAS leaves.
DORIAN turns to NIRWEN.
DORIAN
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend? NIRWEN
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly DORIAN stops.
DORIAN
When I said I love butts, you know I was just trying to distract the demon don't you?
THE END