I hope everyone's week has been fabulous so far... I had a brutal first week or so after the New Year -- deadlines and all sorts of yucky work stuff I was completely not in the mood to do. Bleah.
And then I quoted something like 17 posts to respond to here and... one wrong mouse click and poof. They're all gone. I'm so bummed. I had so many things I wanted to say! But no wall of text today, darn it. But as always it was wonderful to read all the latest theories and fan-fictions too, and to look at the latest fan art.
Meanwhile, as threatened, I have finally posted my "Devasted in Dumptown: Lavellan's Post-Solas Breakup Tavern Crawl" piece, so I hope you like it and that it at least gives you a chuckle or two:
It's completely ridiculous, but it made me laugh, and it was (even more importantly) extremely cathartic for my incredible emotions after Solas dumped me (well, my Quizzie, but it sure felt like me) in my second playthrough. So I hope y'all enjoy it. Meanwhile, while we're talking about our sweet Elvish wolf, I was very sad at the loss of the Goblin King yesterday, darn it, so posting this gave me a few smiles at least. Here's a taste:
LAVELLAN: So yes. Fine. I got a Bull-crush. After all, Bull’s prettier than he first appears.
DORIAN: It sneaks up on you.
CASSANDRA: As unlikely as it sounds, I agree with you.
THE IRON BULL (pleased): Thank you, Seeker.
CASSANDRA: Don’t quote me. I am intoxicated and shall never admit it again.
LAVELLAN (caressing Bull’s arm): Those biceps, right? And he’s so insightful too. And funny!
DORIAN: Hands off, naughty girl.
LAVELLAN: Oops. Sorry.
THE IRON BULL: I don’t mind. Also, thank you, Boss.
DORIAN: Hands!
LAVELLAN: Aw. I’m grieving, not dead. So sure, I looked. Maybe flirted. Once. But I'd already had that stupid dream kiss. So congrats, Dorian, he's all yours. No fun Bull sex for me.
DORIAN: Yay me! Now paws off, darling.
LAVELLAN: Lucky bastard. Both of you. Bastards. Wait, now I’m confused on which one I’m more jealous of. Now I feel weird.
DORIAN: Awkward!
THE IRON BULL: Ha. Doesn’t have to be. I’m sure we could work something out.
LAVELLAN: Don’t even kid about a thing like that.
DORIAN: He’s kidding. You are kidding, right?
THE IRON BULL: Absolutely.
DORIAN: Thank the Maker. I may have soiled my armor. Slightly.
CASSANDRA: Is that everyone?
LAVELLAN: Well, Josie seemed like she was crushing on Blackwall, so no point there. Leliana’s gorgeous but terrifying.
SERA: I know, right?
LELIANA: I’m not always scary. I can be fun.
VARRIC: I’m… Yes. I’m sure you can.
LELIANA: I CAN BE FUN.
SERA: Huh. You wish.
LAVELLAN: Besides, like I said, at this point, I'd already kind of slirted with Folas --
VIVIENNE: Flirted. With. Solas. Although heaven knows why.
LAVELLAN: What she said. Sholas.
DORIAN: Solas...
SERA: Smurfy-Elfy-Sh*tpants.
LAVELLAN: That's what I said, Folas... and I thought, no, I'm gonna go for the quiet guy. The quiet ones never break your hearts. This time it will all work out. So no Bull-riding for me. Poof. Then it all went wrong.
THE IRON BULL: It’s so sad. I do like everyone to go home happy.
LAVELLAN: So I’ve heard. But I blew it. I could have been having hot sex all over Skyhold. At least once! Just once!
COLE: The Iron Bull, she just pictured you and the War-Table, and there were ribbons and –
DORIAN, VIVIENNE and LAVELLAN: No!
VIVIENNE: Hmm. My word.
CASSANDRA: Cole. Do not finish that sentence.
COLE: Sorry.
CASSANDRA: Unless you wish to tell it to me later.
THE IRON BULL: Ha. Interesting.
LAVELLAN: But nooooo, noooo, noooo. No War-Table sexytimes for me. Instead I got a few lousy pucker-ups and then -- just when I think I'm -- finally -- going -- to get some – NOTHING!
She puts her head down on the table, weeping.
VIVIENNE: Oh, darling, seriously. We must try to hold on to what little dignity we still possess.
LAVELLAN (muffled, still face-down): I have no dignity.
VIVIENNE: We’re quite aware.
LAVELLAN: This table is so nice. It feels so good on my face.
KREM: Chief, should we tell her the Chargers were sitting up here last night doing shots?
VARRIC: I’m gonna vote no on that one.
CASSANDRA: Definitely not.
THE IRON BULL: And it was no-pants-Friday.
DORIAN: Charming.
VIVIENNE: Thank you for that lovely mental image.
THE IRON BULL: Welcome, ma’am. Sorry, ma'am.
Lavellan sits up, enraged at a new thought. Her hair has reached a new low. She needs a tissue. And there is now a peanut stuck to her face.
LAVELLAN: And speaking of my face! Look at me.
COLE: Aw, you have a peanut stuck to your cheek! The squirrels will want to be friends with you!
LAVELLAN: No! Not that! I’m not Dalish anymore! I’m a blank! I let him take my Vallaslin!
THE IRON BULL: I thought you didn’t have any sex…?
LAVELLAN: My Vallaslin! My Falish dace tattoo!
THE IRON BULL: Oh. That.
Anyway, it's totally dumb and ridiculous but it was lots of fun to write, and I got to use some of my real-life playwriting skills (or lack thereof), so it was a fun exercise. And definitely consoled my inner Lavellan after her Solas dumpage.