Edited to add: Wow it sounds like I hate him.
I don't. I think he's a fascinating character. BUT. I think the writers focused too much on trying to make us sympathize with him, instead of realizing that our own characters are the ones who are actually hurting the worst in that situation! And that's... kind of a bad mistake to make.
But that's sort of the thing - I think it's pretty much intended for Inquisitor to be a wounded party (like... literally and not 
). Even if we're on friendship/romance route we're NOT supposed to fully sympathize with Solas at the end of the base game or Trespasser; he will be the antagonist, or at the very least the faction we're supposed to work against. Whether he himself likes it or not he's trying to do something drastic and something that will hurt people, including his friends or lovers. Giving us an absolute conviction that Solas can indeed be redeemed or saved or anything that doesn't involve terrible punishment for him would sort of defeat the purpose of building up the story the way they did - because there would be no tension. At this point the story and Solas makes so many people reeling or sad because we don't really know what he he's going to do; if he's going to cross the point of no return... Plus, we don't really know the details of his plans.
However, I do disagree with many of your assessments.
I understand precisely what is supposed to be tragic about Solas, but he's the catalyst for all the bad things that he's planning to bring about. He split with Lavellan. His plans are likely to kill her. Same for how he treated Friend!Inquisitor.
In light of that, it's silly to feel worse for him than the Inquisitor, especially once the Inquisitor is informed of what Solas is planning.I don't feel bad that Solas will have to live with his guilt; he's fully intending to bring it upon himself. All he has to do to avoid it is not end the world a second time, or find another way to achieve his goals that will not be as catastrophic. He's certainly intelligent enough to find such a solution if one exists.
Er... that's the thing - he's intelligent and he had arguably whole millenias to think about new solutions. He didn't find one, or at the very least he didn't find one he deemed to be worth the tremendous risk, or one he trusts will work. Therefore saying that "all he has to do to not end the world is find another solution" sounds rather naive. He did search. He didn't find much, if anything at all. Therefore he now feels he has no choice. That's the source of tragedy for this character.
That's why, to me, Solas is... not really tragic at all. He could be a good person, but he's turning himself into a monster by his own choices. In the sense of a Greek tragedy, he's tragic. In the sense of "do I feel sorry for him?" No. I don't.
What's with the assumption that it's all about his choices? He oftentimes tells us that he has no choice, or at the very least he can't find one. And it's not that I'm trying to say that someone makes all the choices for him, but both his past and circumstances put him in a situation where he feels he HAS to follow the din'anshiral - he tells Mythal that he should pay the price, but at the very same time he tells her that the People need him. We don't know what he means exactly, but considering that the Veil is his creation, and he's possibly the only Evanuris-like being who is still left in teh world with his body and mind relatively unscathed, he could be like Inquisitor - the only person with tools to do or save something.
He also makes Cole forget where he's going because "the fate is his alone. He wouldn't wish it on an enemy, much less to a person he once cared for." Which brings us to...
Now look at the Inquisitor, particularly romanced Lavellan. She's been taught her entire life to avoid the Dread Wolf, to defend her clan against him. She is caught by him unawares, falls deeply in love, and then he leaves. And she never knows why. He doesn't send letters, he doesn't contact her in any way, not even in the Fade. Then when he shows up again, it's to tell her he is trying to destroy everything she knows and cares about. Everything she worked to save, he'll destroy. Now, at this point you can do what I'd probably do and tell him it's totally over, or, if you're a hopeless romantic you can cling to the possibility you can somehow change him or save him. Then you are a sad, desperate fool clinging to the idea that the power of love and/or friendship will show him the light and change his wicked ways...
Yes, because every Inquisitor at the very last scene in Trespasser who befriended or romanced him is a weeping mess instead of a proactive character who goes to Tevinter to find people he doesn't know, or declared to Solas that "our friendship is all you need!" instead of "I will prove you that the world doesn't have to be destroyed". As much as I think friendship/love and extending that to Solas is important (even judging from Trespasser itself), I don't think either player or characters are naive enough to think that Fen'Harel will back away from his plans if he's going to get enough hugs.
Anyway - as much as it sucks for Lavellan or a friend to be abandoned, you're making it look as if Solas is unaware that he's hurting them. But what if that hurt is still thousands of times better than the hurt that will befall them if he stays close to them? Not only Solas tells Cole that he will try and save people he cares about from a fate that awaits him - he pretty much explicitly tells that to romanced Lavellan.
"I can't do that to you, vhenan. I walk the din'anshiral - there is only death on this journey"
What's more he underlines after he breaks up with her that he was thinking selfishly, or was about to ask her of something that was - form his perspective - utterly selfish. Probably something that would doom her the same way he is or thinks he is. In that scenario even her death - or her hate - would be far better for him to stomach then sentencing her to a fate he wouldn't wish on an enemy (and he sent his enemies - the Evanuris - to be tormented for eternity 
).
This is the source of tragedy when it comes to Solas and people he cares about - he feels that he can only hurt them. He yearns for connection, but he's convinced that people who get close to him will only get hurt, probably no matter of the outcome of his world-changing plans.
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