I agree that the Qunari are sexist in that they define gender roles so strictly, but it seems to me that said sexism is distributed equally.
In an actual patriarchy, i.e. the real world, it is largely men who continue to be at the top of every field, including those with many women in the middle and lower tiers -- academia, medicine, etc., as well as every branch of government.
In the Qun, on the other hand, a field is dominated entirely by one gender or another, with the exception of the priesthood. Depending on one's definition of government, women have an equal or greater role in it than men. Even areas that require physical strength are sometimes female ones in the Qun -- farming, for instance, and craftsmanship would include blacksmithing. It's occurred to me that women are probably responsible for the creation of each person's "asala", including the army's weapons.
As for why we haven't seen a female saarebas, or any other female qunari (species) in the games until now, it's for the same reason there were no female dwarves in DA2. In a choice among genders, the real world still picks men first. Canonically, saarebas are not recognized as having gender at all, so we should have seen males and females in roughly equal numbers.
The World of Thedas uses "kossith" to refer to the qunari species, including in the present, so it would technically not be incorrect for us to use it. However it's not even known by very many in-universe, so it would be strange to hear it from anyone but an academic in Thedas. I have wondered if some well-read Tal-Vashoth might know the term and try to reclaim it.





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