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Varric the Storyteller: Keeping us company in the Keep


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#13751
Slukers

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Dwarf Paragonsshould anyone like to know...

Spoiler

 

Great list! I'm loving the names Ilona and Ebryan!


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#13752
Sifr

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Great list! I'm loving the names Ilona and Ebryan!

 

I've always enjoyed that they decided to sneak Seuss into the list, a Paragon with mad rhyming skills. Why do I have the feeling that any Assembly he attended always ended up devolving into an Epic Rap Battle?

 

:lol:


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#13753
blissfulbhajan

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I've always enjoyed that they decided to sneak Seuss into the list, a Paragon with mad rhyming skills. Why do I have the feeling that any Assembly he attended always ended up devolving into an Epic Rap Battle?

:lol:


-epic rap battles of history voice-

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!

VARRIC

VS

LELIANA

...

BEGIN!

#13754
blissfulbhajan

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because they both tell stories

#13755
Ynqve

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Oh please, that's not even a competition. Leliana would get crushed by Varric. She may be a good bard, but Varric's the one with the quicker wit and way with words.


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#13756
Hanako Ikezawa

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-epic rap battles of history voice-

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!

VARRIC

VS

LELIANA

...

BEGIN!

Leliana, easily. 



#13757
Slukers

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-epic rap battles of history voice-

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!

VARRIC

VS

LELIANA

...

BEGIN!


Now this is a story all about how
Thedas got flip turned upside down
I'd like to take a minute, just sit by Dorian
I'll tell you how I became bard of the inquisition

#13758
I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME JERY

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It'd be pretty damn close tbh. Varric could probably dish out more verbal smackdown methinks, so it'd have to go to him. 


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#13759
Ynqve

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Leliana, easily. 

 

Oh really? He makes a living making up and writing stories, she makes a living retelling other peoples stories. She's the spy, he's the spymaster.  ;)



#13760
Hanako Ikezawa

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Oh really? He makes a living making up and writing stories, she makes a living retelling other peoples stories. She's the spy, he's the spymaster.  ;)

She is a master bard, so is very capable at making things up on the fly. Varric meanwhile, while a great storyteller, has to think about what to say first.  



#13761
I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME JERY

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She is a master bard, so is very capable at making things up on the fly. Varric meanwhile, while a great storyteller, has to think about what to say first.  

 

Varric was quite capable of talking his way out of situations through nothing more than improvisation. Take how he dealt with the slavers holding Feynriel, or that Templar dude after helping Grace, if you have him in the party for those quests.

 

I'd say him and Leliana would be fairly well-matched, if it came to a test of wit.


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#13762
Sifr

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-epic rap battles of history voice-

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!

VARRIC

VS

LELIANA

...

BEGIN!

 

Varric:

 

Say hello Bianca! This redhead's going down!
Like you did when you were a bard, to all the guys in town!
I'm the real storyteller, you can't even sing!
So let me introduce you, to Bianca's cocking ring!

 

Leliana:

 

A beardless dwarf with a rug on his chest?
It's like someone shaved a cat, I'm hardly impressed.
The only story about you that made people talk,
Was how you played second fiddle to a hero named Hawke!

I'm the hand of the Divine, I have the Maker on my side!
I fought against the Darkspawn and turned evil's tide!
You avoided "Mage or Templar?" for over seven years!

While you practically lived in a bar, are you Norm from Cheers?!

 

Varric:

 

At least the fans love me, you're a little Mary Sue!
Hell, Shepard's resurrection got more explanation than you!
Get back in the Chantry or go back to the dead?
Hey, I hear someone calling... it's the voices in your head!


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#13763
Ynqve

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She is a master bard, so is very capable at making things up on the fly. Varric meanwhile, while a great storyteller, has to think about what to say first.

 

I've got to disagree. I think he has an impressive talent for making up bullshit on the fly. I can't really think of a single moment in DA2 where he's at a loss for words. You have multiple moments where you can just let him talk you out of trouble.



#13764
Hanako Ikezawa

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Varric was quite capable of talking his way out of situations through nothing more than improvisation. Take how he dealt with the slavers holding Feynriel, or that Templar dude after helping Grace, if you have him in the party for those quests.

 

I'd say him and Leliana would be fairly well-matched, if it came to a test of wit.

I've got to disagree. I think he has an impressive talent for making up bullshit on the fly. I can't really think of a single moment in DA2 where he's at a loss for words. You have multiple moments where you can just let him talk you out of trouble.

 

You have to remember that the whole game is Varric telling a story, so he'll make himself look better. Heck, one time Cassandra even calls him out on it when he goes too overboard. And this is a story he has been telling for years, so he has it down. 

 

While the match would be a good one, I see Leliana easily taking it. 



#13765
Ynqve

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Varric:

At least the fans love me, you're a little Mary Sue!
Hell, Shepard's resurrection got more explanation than you!
Get back in the Chantry or go back to the dead?
Hey, I hear someone calling... it's the voices in your head!

 

Ow.gif

 

Ouch, that's a real low blow! 


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#13766
I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME JERY

I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME JERY
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Really doe...my two favourite characters in DA. I don't know who my bias should be rooting for at this point. :S



#13767
Mrs.Chestbeard

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Varric:

 

Say hello Bianca! This redhead's going down!
Like you did when you were a bard, to all the guys in town!
I'm the real storyteller, you can't even sing!
So let me introduce you, to Bianca's cocking ring!

 

Leliana:

 

A beardless dwarf with a rug on his chest?
It's like someone shaved a cat, I'm hardly impressed.
The only story about you that made people talk,
Was how you played second fiddle to a hero named Hawke!

I'm the hand of the Divine, I have the Maker on my side!
I fought against the Darkspawn and turned evil's tide!
You avoided "Mage or Templar?" for over seven years!

While you practically lived in a bar, are you Norm from Cheers?!

 

Varric:

 

At least the fans love me, you're a little Mary Sue!
Hell, Shepard's resurrection got more explanation than you!
Get back in the Chantry or go back to the dead?
Hey, I hear someone calling... it's the voices in your head!

 

This is brilliant!!!! XD

tumblr_inline_mm6kohMgPj1qz4rgp.gif

 

*goes back to lurking again*


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#13768
Sifr

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Ow.gif

 

Ouch, that's a real low blow! 

 

What can I say? As much as I love Leliana, Varric needed to get in an epic burn there... :lol:


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#13769
Slukers

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Varric:

Say hello Bianca! This redhead's going down!
Like you did when you were a bard, to all the guys in town!
I'm the real storyteller, you can't even sing!
So let me introduce you, to Bianca's cocking ring!

Leliana:

A beardless dwarf with a rug on his chest?
It's like someone shaved a cat, I'm hardly impressed.
The only story about you that made people talk,
Was how you played second fiddle to a hero named Hawke!

I'm the hand of the Divine, I have the Maker on my side!
I fought against the Darkspawn and turned evil's tide!
You avoided "Mage or Templar?" for over seven years!
While you practically lived in a bar, are you Norm from Cheers?!

Varric:

At least the fans love me, you're a little Mary Sue!
Hell, Shepard's resurrection got more explanation than you!
Get back in the Chantry or go back to the dead?
Hey, I hear someone calling... it's the voices in your head!


Oooooh snap!

This is fantastic. I want to see it so badly
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#13770
Ynqve

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You have to remember that the whole game is Varric telling a story, so he'll make himself look better. Heck, one time Cassandra even calls him out on it when he goes too overboard. And this is a story he has been telling for years, so he has it down. 

 

While the match would be a good one, I see Leliana easily taking it. 

 

I disagree. And the only times when he goes overboard is when he tells the legendary version of the story (which is the one he's been telling everyone) and when he uses it as a defense mechanism because it's too private. He's way more of a bullshitter and trash talker than her, which is how you win a rap battle. She's better at surviving intrigue in the Chantry and at court. He is better on the streets.


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#13771
Hanako Ikezawa

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I wonder how Josephine would do? I mean, she is the woman who can make 5 nations quake in terror whenever she puts her quill to paper. 



#13772
fiveforchaos

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Varric Hobbit Crossovers Are Always Encouraged.

 

Spoiler

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#13773
Joe25

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Varric:

 

Say hello Bianca! This redhead's going down!
Like you did when you were a bard, to all the guys in town!
I'm the real storyteller, you can't even sing!
So let me introduce you, to Bianca's cocking ring!

 

Leliana:

 

A beardless dwarf with a rug on his chest?
It's like someone shaved a cat, I'm hardly impressed.
The only story about you that made people talk,
Was how you played second fiddle to a hero named Hawke!

I'm the hand of the Divine, I have the Maker on my side!
I fought against the Darkspawn and turned evil's tide!
You avoided "Mage or Templar?" for over seven years!

While you practically lived in a bar, are you Norm from Cheers?!

 

Varric:

 

At least the fans love me, you're a little Mary Sue!
Hell, Shepard's resurrection got more explanation than you!
Get back in the Chantry or go back to the dead?
Hey, I hear someone calling... it's the voices in your head!

Spoiler


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#13774
Yinello

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Josephine would send one letter to the judges and win the competition.  :ph34r:


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#13775
blissfulbhajan

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Varric:

Say hello Bianca! This redhead's going down!
Like you did when you were a bard, to all the guys in town!
I'm the real storyteller, you can't even sing!
So let me introduce you, to Bianca's cocking ring!

Leliana:

A beardless dwarf with a rug on his chest?
It's like someone shaved a cat, I'm hardly impressed.
The only story about you that made people talk,
Was how you played second fiddle to a hero named Hawke!

I'm the hand of the Divine, I have the Maker on my side!
I fought against the Darkspawn and turned evil's tide!
You avoided "Mage or Templar?" for over seven years!
While you practically lived in a bar, are you Norm from Cheers?!

Varric:

At least the fans love me, you're a little Mary Sue!
Hell, Shepard's resurrection got more explanation than you!
Get back in the Chantry or go back to the dead?
Hey, I hear someone calling... it's the voices in your head!


-wakes in the middle of the night and finds this-

... This... This is something wonderful... I will need to find all the clapping gifs in the morning...

Amazing...