I think that this is why there is such a divide here. Neither side is right; it's just that one way serves one group better and the other way serves the other group better. DA: O and DA: I serves a different group in this respect and DA 2 served the other.
Very much so. We have to pick our battles in terms of being fair, because the only real way to be "fair" would be to have no romances (and possibly maybe having all characters be romanceable by any player character) because it's the only way that no one person is given any sort of preferential treatment over romances. I think it's safe to say that we aren't doing that with DAI.
Even in DA2, there were people that said it was unfair because they didn't like any of the romances and they should be allowed to romance Varric and so forth. There were large fights between groups that broke out after the romance details were released to the public.