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[Ailith Tycane]

The reason why a lot of straight men are terrified of being hit on by gay men (as shown with the whole Anders incident in DA2) is because they are afraid a gay man will treat them the way they have treated women in the past and it makes them uncomfortable. 

[In Exile]

The reason why a lot of straight men are terrified of being hit on by gay men (as shown with the whole Anders incident in DA2) is because they are afraid a gay man will treat them the way they have treated women in the past and it makes them uncomfortable. 

 

I think that requires a lot more self-awareness than most people have. 

[The Elder King]

But at the same time, they would find it a lot less "gross" than seeing 2 gay guys. That is why it's safer to have lesbians than gays, and it's a lot more aesthetically pleasing to have a female even if they're not into them rather than a gay guy that may "prey" on them like every gay guy out there who plotting everyday on how to get into their pants even if they look like a product of Uncle Fester dating Frankenstein's wife.

...I don't find two gays more gross then two lesbians . I'm perfectly fine with a gay character as I am with a lesbian.
I do know that a lot of straight males feel that way, but there are those (like me) who don't.

[Grieving Natashina]

The reason why a lot of straight men are terrified of being hit on by gay men (as shown with the whole Anders incident in DA2) is because they are afraid a gay man will treat them the way they have treated women in the past and it makes them uncomfortable. 

My husband takes what I call the "Garth" approach.  Garth from Wayne's World taught me that the best way to take any compliment is to say, "Thank you." He's been hit on by men before (that's how he became friends with Matthew Shepard and yes, the same Matthew Shepard that most of the gay community has heard of,) and his response is "Thanks for the compliment, but I'm not interested in men."  

 

This is how I think more straight men should handle this:  Matthew tried to pick him up at a bar, offering to buy him a drink.  My husband (who had gone to the COPE dances in Wyoming, which were AIDS fund raisers and the only really safe place in Casper for the gay community to hang out,) knew that Matthew was hitting on him.  He said, "Thanks for the compliment, but I'm straight.  I'll take the drink though."  They started talking and became good friends, but my husband lived on the other side of the state.  The last time they spoke was about a month before Matthew died.

[Ailith Tycane]

...I don't find two gays more gross then two lesbians . I'm perfectly fine with a gay character as I am with a lesbian.
I do know that a lot of straight males feel that way, but there are those (like me) who don't.

 

Well that's good, but I think you can see you are an outlier in this compared to most other male gamers.

[Ailith Tycane]

My husband takes what I call the "Garth" approach.  Garth from Wayne's World taught me that the best way to take any compliment is to say, "Thank you." He's been hit on by men before (that's how he became friends with Matthew Shepard and yes, the same Matthew Shepard that most of the gay community has heard of,) and his response is "Thanks for the compliment, but I'm not interested in men."  

 

This is how I think more straight men should handle this:  Matthew tried to pick him up at a bar, offering to buy him a drink.  My husband (who had gone to the COPE dances in Wyoming, which were AIDS fund raisers and the only really safe place in Casper for the gay community to hang out,) knew that Matthew was hitting on him.  He said, "Thanks for the compliment, but I'm straight.  I'll take the drink though."  They started talking and became good friends, but my husband lived on the other side of the state.  The last time they spoke was about a month before Matthew died.

 

Your husband was friends with Matthew Sheaprd? Well dang, I'm sorry.

[Grieving Natashina]

Your husband was friends with Matthew Sheaprd? Well dang, I'm sorry.

It's okay, though he still can't talk about Matthew without getting choked up.  I just used that story to show how I think more straight men should handle being hit on.  Just say thank you.  Most gay men will just shrug and leave you alone.

[The Elder King]

Well that's good, but I think you can see you are an outlier in this compared to most other male gamers.

I did say there's a lot of straight males who feel that way.

[Hanako Ikezawa]

...I don't find two gays more gross then two lesbians . I'm perfectly fine with a gay character as I am with a lesbian.
I do know that a lot of straight males feel that way, but there are those (like me) who don't.

Pretty much every straight man I've ever met feels the same. 

[Zellya]

Well that's good, but I think you can see you are an outlier in this compared to most other male gamers.

 

I'm not sure that's fair. Sure there are plenty of vocal straight males that get squeamish at the smallest thing, but that doesn't mean that the majority of straight men think like that, gamer or not.  

[Ailith Tycane]

I'm not sure that's fair. Sure there are plenty of vocal straight males that get squeamish at the smallest thing, but that doesn't mean that the majority of straight men think like that, gamer or not.  

 

Male gamers, not all men. 

[daveliam]

Pretty much every straight man I've ever met feels the same. 

 

"Pretty much every straight man" you've ever met feels what way?  I want to know if you live in the best or worst place in the world.....

[Nocte ad Mortem]

I know a lot of straight guys that don't think two guys kissing is "gross" or have a problem with it at all. A lot of straight guys can also take a gay guy hitting on them in real life with grace and turn them down gently. I wouldn't say for sure that all of them don't think two women kissing is hot, though. I honestly don't know. It's not something I tend to talk about with straight dudes.      

[Battlebloodmage]

...I don't find two gays more gross then two lesbians . I'm perfectly fine with a gay character as I am with a lesbian.
I do know that a lot of straight males feel that way, but there are those (like me) who don't.

I was just talking about stuffs in general though, not about you specifically. It's more like frustration when a lot of guys think that gay guys will automatically be into them just because they're gay. If the girls aren't into them, then what makes them think gay guys would be into them? Everyone has their own personal taste after all. It's just these kinds of fear of being treated as a "woman" that freak them out since they're not in the position of power. Even though Anders only hits on you once just like with Isabella, people acts like they're being forced into a relationship simply because that moment stands out the most for them and exaggerated it a lot more than it actually is. I'm thinking that people are just not used to gay characters. I'm hoping that in time people will see gay character as just another companion in the game instead of seeing it as promoting the "gay" agenda or anything of the like.

[daveliam]

It's okay, though he still can't talk about Matthew without getting choked up.  I just used that story to show how I think more straight men should handle being hit on.  Just say thank you.  Most gay men will just shrug and leave you alone.

 

Dang, Nata.  You gotta get all heavy on us.  I feel for your husband.  To not only lose a friend, but lose him in such an awful and publicized way is a terrible thought.  Your hubby sounds like a stand up guy though.  Good for you, gur.

[Grieving Natashina]

Well that's good, but I think you can see you are an outlier in this compared to most other male gamers.

Compared to most of the super vocal and angry "straight male gamers" (not all of the straight male posters are angry) on the forums, sure.  However, if it helps any, I'm sure there are plenty of gamers out there like Elder that may not post, but shakes their head every time they see a "straight male gamer" type try to speak for them.  I've shared some of those comments with my husband and his reaction was, "Wow, grow up.  You do not speak for every straight male gamer.  You're just making us all look like idiots."

 

Dang, Nata.  You gotta get all heavy on us.  I feel for your husband.  To not only lose a friend, but lose him in such an awful and publicized way is a terrible thought.  Your hubby sounds like a stand up guy though.  Good for you, gur.

Sorry for getting so heavy there, but I've been wanting to share that for awhile.  I decided this was a decent time, because the topic was about straight men and how they handle being hit on.  And yeah, he's a great guy.  I've almost got him talked into playing Mass Effect.  Generally, RPGs aren't his thing, but considering he met Mark Meer with me, he's going to give it a shot.

[FraQ]

The reason why a lot of straight men are terrified of being hit on by gay men (as shown with the whole Anders incident in DA2) is because they are afraid a gay man will treat them the way they have treated women in the past and it makes them uncomfortable. 

 

I disagree. I think it's a male ego thing.

 

We are conditioned from birth to be tough and not show certain emotions. Homosexuality is still very much associated with being effeminate. Even though the reality is quite different.

 

Some view being hit on by another man as an insinuation of being effeminate (kind of like a challenge to ones manhood.). Thus offense is taken.

 

Not every straight man is like that though.

[HuldraDancer]

This whole thing reminds me of something my father asked my grandmother and I before about how gay women are apparently more acceptable than gay men in public. He asked if we had to choose which would we rather come across making out, I said neither because I just don't like the idea of anyone gay or straight sucking face in public, and my father told me that was the wrong answer that the right one was women because it looks more natural my grandmother agreed with him on it. I don't think they were right but it is odd how people see two women to be more acceptable than two men. At least in my experience anyway. Though this was asked of me way before I knew what being gay meant but even if I did I doubt my answer would have changed. (I lived a pretty sheltered life and didn't find out that some people were attracted to their own gender until I was roughly sixteen)

[Zellya]

Male gamers, not all men. 

 

See, the thing is, most of my friends are straight male gamers, and the majority wouldn't react that way.

[Ailith Tycane]

I disagree. I think it's a male ego thing.

 

We are conditioned from birth to be tough and not show certain emotions. Homosexuality is still very much associated with being effeminate. Even though the reality is quite different.

 

Some view being hit on by another man as an insinuation of being effeminate (kind of like a challenge to ones manhood.). Thus offense is taken.

 

Not every straight man is like that though.

 

Right, being seen as effeminate...As a woman. Being treated like a woman.

[Chernaya]

It has a lot to do with how society conditions men to be masculine and take anything that seems "feminine" to be an insult, unfortunately, like FraQ said. I don't think it's a majority of straight males though... the vocal ones who whine about it are just so loud and annoying, it can seem that way.

[Grieving Natashina]

Right, being seen as effeminate...As a woman. Being treated like a woman.

I think you'd love this: http://imgur.com/gallery/zFwAcdB

[Battlebloodmage]

See, the thing is, most of my friends are straight male gamers, and the majority wouldn't react that way.

Another thing is on the internet, they're anonymous. I'm not taking about your friends specifically but in certain cases the homophobic and violent tendency can come out more easily since they wouldn't be judged and tied to their identity regardless of how they react.

[Nocte ad Mortem]

This whole thing reminds me of something my father asked my grandmother and I before about how gay women are apparently more acceptable than gay men in public. He asked if we had to choose which would we rather come across making out, I said neither because I just don't like the idea of anyone gay or straight sucking face in public, and my father told me that was the wrong answer that the right one was women because it looks more natural my grandmother agreed with him on it. I don't think they were right but it is odd how people see two women to be more acceptable than two men. At least in my experience anyway. Though this was asked of me way before I knew what being gay meant but even if I did I doubt my answer would have changed. (I lived a pretty sheltered life and didn't find out that some people were attracted to their own gender until I was roughly sixteen)

Walking by any combination of people making out could not be more awkward or uncomfortable than having your father ask you and your grandmother who you'd rather see making out, I have to say.    

[In Exile]

I was just talking about stuffs in general though, not about you specifically. It's more like frustration when a lot of guys think that gay guys will automatically be into them just because they're gay. If the girls aren't into them, then what makes them think gay guys would be into them? Everyone has their own personal taste after all. It's just these kinds of fear of being treated as a "woman" that freak them out since they're not in the position of power. Even though Anders only hits on you once just like with Isabella, people acts like they're being forced into a relationship simply because that moment stands out the most for them and exaggerated it a lot more than it actually is. I'm thinking that people are just not used to gay characters. I'm hoping that in time people will see gay character as just another companion in the game instead of seeing it as promoting the "gay" agenda or anything of the like.

 

It might be because I'm a man, and an especially assertive/aggressive one at that (in fact, I think this is precisely the reason why), but I've always found being hit on to be a lot more empowering (and far more of a position of power) than hitting on people. In being hit on, I have all of the control. The other person put themselves out there, and I can dismiss them or not at my whim. 

 

I recognize that for women, at least, there are a lot of social and cultural stereotypes and pressures bound up with the manner and mode of rejection that do not make this a position of power in the least. So I recognize this is all YMMV. 

 

My husband takes what I call the "Garth" approach.  Garth from Wayne's World taught me that the best way to take any compliment is to say, "Thank you." He's been hit on by men before (that's how he became friends with Matthew Shepard and yes, the same Matthew Shepard that most of the gay community has heard of,) and his response is "Thanks for the compliment, but I'm not interested in men."  

 

This is how I think more straight men should handle this:  Matthew tried to pick him up at a bar, offering to buy him a drink.  My husband (who had gone to the COPE dances in Wyoming, which were AIDS fund raisers and the only really safe place in Casper for the gay community to hang out,) knew that Matthew was hitting on him.  He said, "Thanks for the compliment, but I'm straight.  I'll take the drink though."  They started talking and became good friends, but my husband lived on the other side of the state.  The last time they spoke was about a month before Matthew died.

 

Thank was a powerful story. Thank you for sharing it.