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The most ABSURD statements in the game series --


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#1
Dale

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Catalyst: “the Reapers do NOT want war with organics”. 

Really?  As supremely intelligent as the Catalyst & Reapers are, they don’t understand the word “WAR”?

 

Catalysts: “the created will always rebel against their creators

Yep!  My last car rebelled against me in 2012 so I bought a new one.   If this statement is true, the Catalyst & Reapers are at war.

 

Sovereign:  “we are your salvation through destruction

Oxymoron.  Let’s see now – I need someone who is more wonderful & wise to spin that around and make sense of it.  How about “I want MY salvation thru YOUR destruction”?

 

Salerian Council member “The Reapers really don’t exist, it is all made up by Saren”.

Never mind that Shep has nose-to-nose encounters with them.  Sawdust for brains.   If I'm not mistaken the Turian bozo (ME2) said "Ahhh, yes -- reapers..". (thanks Dreamgazer)  He ate humble pie in ME3.

 

Asari Council member “In the defeat of Sovereign, Shepherd put human interests before the council”.

Right!  That’s why you’re still alive.  How can she be so dumb and still breathe?

EDIT:  I stand corrected:  For the ending options:

 

·         Save the Council

·         Let the Council die

·         Concentrate on Sovereign

 

I explicitly avoided Let the Council die” and chose “Concentrate on Sovereign” which I discovered later is an implicit Let the Council die”.  As such, I erroneously assumed the Council was still alive.   With a 2nd Council formed, I presumed the Asari Council member was speaking anti-human again.

 

The Illusive Man (TIM):  “I’m looking out for humanity’s best interest”.

Right!  Starting & ending with ultra-ego TIM.  Perhaps with TIM dethroned, Cerberus will regain its real purpose.   Since "a splinter group tried to control the reapers in the last cycle" there's more to this than just TIM.   Sorry to upset you TIM lovers out there...

 

There’s a TON more so help me out…


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#2
Kaicel

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That's a straw, Tali.


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#3
Bob from Accounting

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Gosh, we really need this thread.

 

Your one sentence analyses are terrible. You obviously didn't grasp this, but things like 'We are your salvation through destruction' being an apparent oxymoron is the whole damn point...



#4
cap and gown

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Asari Council member “In the defeat of Sovereign, Shepherd put human interests before the council”.
Right!  That’s why you’re still alive.  How can she be so dumb and still breathe?


I don't mean to quibble, there are a ton of absurdities, but this is not one of them. You only get that line if you let the previous council die. The current Asari Councilor is not alive because of Shepard.
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#5
Dale

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Okay, the new Asari counselor (ME3).  

 

Anderson said in ME1 "if Shep hadn't done this, we'd ALL be dead"  - including the new Asari counselor.



#6
cap and gown

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Okay, the new Asari counselor (ME3).  

 

Anderson said in ME1 "if Shep hadn't done this, we'd ALL be dead"  - including the new Asari counselor.

 

The thing is, if you save the Council, Sovereign is still defeated. Either way Sovereign is defeated. So, really, it is Anderson's statement that is absurd.



#7
Iakus

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"Your organic energy, the essence of who and what you are will be broken down and dispersed."

 

WTF does that even mean?

 

"Synthesis is the final evolution of all life."

 

I think I concussed myself facepalming.

 

"The device you refer to as the Crucible is little more than a power source"

 

And the greatest minds of the galaxy spent months on this thing without noticing?  :blink:

 

 

*to the rachni queen* You promised not to interfere anymore.  The rachni were supposed to disappear

 

Umm..."When the time comes, our voice will join with yours.  And our crescendo will burn the darkness clean"


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#8
Display Name Owner

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"The Citadel? The fight's here!"

 

Shepard ought to have a bit more sense than that.

 

"See this devastation Primarch? Double it for Earth"

 

Not so much absurd as just annoying. 1, I don't think it's even true, and 2 why should the Primarch care?


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#9
dreamgazer

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me_wallpaper___ah_yes__reapers_by_pineap


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#10
KrrKs

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"This isn't about strategy or tactics!" is also somewhere near the top of that list.

 

Catalyst: “the Reapers do NOT want war with organics”. 

Really?  As supremely intelligent as the Catalyst & Reapers are, they don’t understand the word “WAR”?

I always took that as: "We do not really like that you're trying to fight back, while we take pot-shots at your planets and turn your neighbours into smoothies"

or "hold still, so I can punch you!"

 

Edit:

Also (not absurd, but unfitting), "We are infinitely your greater". From a super advanced AI, I expect to be able to learn the (primary) language(s) of the galaxy they invade.

-really, every 2€ translator gets this, but the beings we are "unable to comprehend" don't?


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#11
KaiserShep

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Where's sH0tgUn jUliA to give us Shepard's famous question about how asari can mate with their own species.



#12
naddaya

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"I hope Ash is looking out for us" from a Shepard who told Ashley she wasn't religious in ME1.
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#13
KaiserShep

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"I hope Ash is looking out for us" from a Shepard who told Ashley she wasn't religious in ME1.

 

Yeah, I don't really care for that one either. Having religiousness injected into the character goes against my agnostic/atheistic leanings. At least with the Mordin-related dialogue, you can simply opt out of it, though you wouldn't expect Shepard to say it judging from the paraphrase alone.



#14
naddaya

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Yeah, I don't really care for that one either. Having religiousness injected into the character goes against my agnostic/atheistic leanings. At least with the Mordin-related dialogue, you can simply opt out of it, though you wouldn't expect Shepard to say it judging from the paraphrase alone.

 

Yep. I took the paragon option the first time, then reloaded and tried the renegade one. Liked it better. I have nothing against religion, I just pictured my Shepard as agnostic and her response to Ash in ME1 let me confirm it. Then the autodialogue came.


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#15
von uber

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One of the most absurb elements is that the SR2 was designed to not have stairs.


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#16
mybudgee

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Every line Joker has

#17
AlanC9

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SR-2 may not have stairs, but it does have ladders.
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#18
AlanC9

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"I hope Ash is looking out for us" from a Shepard who told Ashley she wasn't religious in ME1.


When does that line happen?

#19
naddaya

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When does that line happen?

 

When Shepard and Garrus talk in front of the memorial wall after the Cerberus coup.



#20
KaiserShep

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If I recall, it's when Garrus is standing at the memorial wall on the crew deck. Edit: Jinkies, ninja'ed.



#21
ImaginaryMatter

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My favorite is during ME3 after than mission on Benning, one of the "Cerberus: *something*" missions. During the debrief Hackett says with a straight face that Cerberus officials have declared that the assault was taken up my another one of those rogue cells that seem to plaque Cerberus. Only this time Hackett is inclined to believe them because, "Attacking innocent civilians isn't Cerberus's usual MO."


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#22
themikefest

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edit nevermind



#23
themikefest

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Anderson: "There's still one outstanding issue. Commander Shepard's vision. It may have been triggered by the beacon"


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#24
zestalyn

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Anything Kai Leng says. His existence alone is kinda absurd. 


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#25
dreamgazer

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Benezia: "I have sealed a part of my mind away from the indoctrination".


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