My mother is black woman from the Caribbean ( where I was born and bred ) and my father is white man from Ireland. Officially I'm what you'd call a mulatto.
For me it has been a life long struggle to fit in with my respective environments ( most of the time I'm not even sure I want to fit in ).
I was born on a relatively posh island in the Caribbean with strong ties to Britain and the US, an island that was very multi cultural and multi racial and a lot of my childhood friends were of mixed race like me. Then one day my parents moved to a much smaller island and I suddenly became conscious of the concept of race and skin colour for the first time since I was one of a handful of non black people on the island and the locals never let me forget it. It's not like they we're mean to me or anything but I was always made to feel self conscious about the fact that I was different.
In my mid teens I moved to Ireland and for the most part I am treated well, I do get the occasional dirty comment about being a foreigner despite my Irish routes but the Irish for the most part are very friendly but once again I am always self conscious about being different.
You eventually get used to being different, my whole entire life I've felt like on fringes, just outside the circle looking in. Even though Ireland has been my home for almost 20 years I've never really felt like I belong here, I'm not sure if I belong anywhere to be honest with you. It does sort of shape your personality since I consider myself to be a loner and you don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure out my I turned out the way I did.
What I highlighted is how I feel, especially the first one.
i was not really conscious of being mixed when I was younger, but the more you hang around with people who are white or Thai in my case, you are made to feel different. Not "one of them" you could say.
I myself was always looking through the circle. It's a strange feeling, I feel at home both Thailand England but I still did not feel a sense of belonging with the people itself. My mum even said it to me. You are different. My own nan as well said it. You're Not English but you're not Thai either.
My own cousins, both English and Thai made me feel different as well. I'm never "Thai" or "English" just "Luk Kreung", like I was in my own separate category. I still feel like the odd one out no matter what circle I belong in.
It was only with minorities I felt a sense of belonging you could say. But when they meet up with their own people then I become the odd one out again.
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