Nobody ever refers to her as consort or dowager. And again, a strong Queen who's been "the real one ruling and everybody knows it" for five years should have the clout to seize control in the chaos of Cailan's death. Cailan's dead? No big deal he's just a figurehead, we all know Anora has been the ruler so its business as usual.
But I'm glad you bring up the issue of her contacting the Warden to undermine Loghain. Oh wait, if you don't explicitly talk to her about her ruling, she turns around and betrays you again for Loghain. She calls Alistair selfish for wanting Loghain to die for treason but she'll betray you and support the clearly wrong Loghain if it means she gets to keep having playing Queen. She doesn't in fact have the best interests of the nation at heart. She's a complete hypocrite. She just wants power for its own sake.
Are you even trying to understand how a traditional ruling monarchy works? There's either a ruling King and a Queen consort, or a ruling Queen and a Prince consort. The fact that we don't differentiate between Queen and Queen consort, is because when the words where defined in the early middle ages, any other Queen but a Queen consort was more or less unthinkable.
The right to rule came with the birth. It doesn't mean anything if the King is weak. His queen doesn't inherit power when he's dead anyway. And yes, power is inherited, not earned. There are several examples of kings who were both weak and even feeble minded, but when they died, power passed to the his heir, not his Queen, First minister or whoever was the real power behind the throne. There IS no "business as usual", because Anora isn't Cailan's heir. If Cailan had had a son, the prince would automatically had become king when Cailan dies, regardless of Anora.
It's true that on a few occasions a really feeble minded king was ousted by some ambitious noble seizing power, but that was in effect a coup. That's incidentally also more or less what started the War of the Roses. When Cailan dies Anora has loses her formal power base, because even though everyone knew she was the real power behind the throne, she was only his consort, so she couldn't inherit his throne. At the same time she wasn't the head of the MacTir family, that was Loghain, so while she had political savvy and skill, she can't seize the throne, even if she wanted to, because she has no military power base and no troops to command at all. That's what Loghain does instead.
The only way Anora can become the ruling Queen is if she can convince the Landsmeet to elect her Queen regent. The fact that she may be able to do that is a testament to her political savvy.
As for Anora being selfish. I think that's also unfair. She believes that she's the best qualified person to lead Fereldan, and while I think she is to some extent justified for saying so, she's obviously not a very humble person. In fact her biggest character flaw is the arrogance, that makes her see herself as indispensable. That's however not the same as being simply selfish and power hungry. There's no indication that her rule will be a disaster, quite the contrary in fact.
She knows she can rule the country better than her husband, and she's used to being the Queen, but when Cailan dies she lose power, because the source of the royal power is in the blood, not the ability. Then she's torn between loyalty to her own blood and the knowledge that her father is going off the deep end. If you think that she's at fault for being loyal to her family, then consider this; what possible excuse could there ever be for a ruling monarchy where the crown is inherited, in a country where loyalty to blood and family is weak?
On a final note. I think it's worth noting that one of the most common terms to describe Anora by those who dislike her is to call her a "politician", as if that was a derogatory remark. Apparently many of those who dislike her don't have much faith in the political system either...