While I agree that Refusing is self-indulgent, I have yet to see any apathy from those who choose it. Rather than that, I get the impression that the choice is more agonizing for them than for others.
What I rather see is pride, as if one person's moral purity is worth anything in the face of the threat of annihilation of your whole civilization. Though I don't see how choosing Control is in any way immoral.
Pride which ultimately leads to an inability to actually do anything, the result is the same either way. Ultimately, the only reason anyone picks Refuse is because they hate the contrived endings so much they actively want to spit in their faces by saying "screw this, I want no part in it". Which is understandable, but that's purely on a meta level. It isn't about playing the Catalyst's game, it's rejecting the way the writer's present his game instead. It's not spiting the Catalyst, it's spiting the writers. On an in-game level, my reasoning stands, however. Only a truly apathetic Shepard could stand by and literally do nothing while watching his entire species, as well as a dozen other species go extinct, when he can literally stop it from happening in one of three different ways.
As for Control, I wouldn't claim Control is in and of itself immoral. In fact, while I always pick Destroy, I have absolutely zero qualms with the idea of using TIM's technology (as Mordin says, the ends justifying the means doesn't matter when it wasn't your means, you just use what you have) regardless of how he obtained it, and I have no problems with dominating the Reapers. They've been doing it to others for a billion years, hell, time for some payback if you ask me. The problem I have with Control is that... well, we aren't actually given any control of the Reapers. Shepard just kind of... has them, and is doing stuff with them, but we have no direction in how they're used. Instead, whether you're renegade or paragon, the window dressing changes, but you're ultimately still doing the same thing. Acting as a one man Police State. That's what happens either way. If I'd been presented with the chance to use the Reapers to repair the relays, rebuild the galaxy, then fly them all into a star? HELL YES I'd have picked Control! But we don't get that chance. Dominating the Reapers isn't immoral, as far as I'm concerned, hell, I'd call it justice. But keeping them around to play Big Brother, in my opinion, IS morally questionable, and hence why I have no part in it.
...except in Renegade playthroughs, of course, where becoming God-Empress is totally radical, yo.