Leandra indeed ran away years ago and chose to forfeit her right to the fortune when she left. She didn't return for years on end, especially when her family needed her: not to help when their parents got sick, not when their parents died, not to help with the funeral, and never to help manage their affairs or run the estate after their passing. But then when SHE ran into trouble years later, she turns up with her hand outstretched just expecting gold to fall into it; just expecting everything to be as it was before she left.
Except that she simply eloping does not mean one forfeited the right to her inheritance, if that's what the parent's will dictates. Given that they died at the same time the twins were born, that means they had seven years to change the will and they never did. They wanted Leandra to have the money, as well as control Gamlen's share because they knew that he'd blow it all. (Which he did. And her share too).
As for not showing up when they were sick, again, their funeral happened when Bethany and Carver were just a week old. Leandra was pregnant during the entire time that they were sick with cholera, so what was she expected to do? Go on a long trip to Kirkwall, whilst heavily pregnant, which would endanger her and her unborn children?
Once she does turn up at the gates, she's not grateful for whatever help her brother can offer. She just expects him to use the Amell family name and fortune that she abandoned to help her the way she wants to be helped, then is appalled when he mentions indentured servitude. In fact, the game acts like you're supposed to be appalled by the suggestion, but I thought, "That's fair. We left Kirkwall years ago and only turned up when we needed it. Beggars can't be choosers. I'm grateful for whatever gets us into the city." Besides, I thought Gamlen made a good point when he said, "Think of it as a job waiting for you when you get into the city." With the huge influx of refugees, I figured there wouldn't exactly be job opportunities, so this would be a good way to build a reputation and gain connections for when things finally quiet down - which is exactly what happens by the start of Act 1.
Leandra then lives in his house rent-free for over a year and stil whines that: "My children should be among the nobility! Not in indentured servitude." Well, Leandra, you should have thought of that before you left the nobility and only came back when it could benefit you.
Then, after a year of squatting in his house, when Gamlen tentatively brings up the subject of rent, she says, "You sold my children into slavery! And now you want rent?" a) Not slavery, indentured servitude. A set amount of work for a set amount of time to get into the city.
It was the only way to get into the city. I didn't see you come up with any alternatives. c) You and your family did just turn up out of the blue expecting help, and have been living in his home rent-free for over a year. It's his house. He doesn't technically have to help you. You can stand to show a little gratitude, or else move into your own place if you don't like it.
While they did agree to the terms to get themselves into the city, as it currently stands in our world, the Declaration of Human Rights does define indentured servitude as a form of slavery. They were forced to sell themselves to get into the city and were not paid during the duration of that year, but rather their wages were taken to pay off their debt. In other words, they were essentially slaves during that time.
We know that Gamlen's debt collectors frequently call upon the house and his rent is nearly always late, so how were Leandra or any of her children supposed to pay him rent? While it's true that Leandra could (and probably should) have gotten a job, we're told that it's next to impossible for Fereldans to get employment in the city, let alone one that doesn't pay next to nothing. Most other places seem to have a "No Fereldans" hiring policy on principle.
Gamlen does make some relatively good points about Leandra's sense of entitlement and being spoiled growing up, and occasionally does come off as a tragic figure that's been in a rut for so long that he's become resentful of practically everyone (and Hawke's success probably doesn't help either, as it reminds him of his own failings), but I don't think the game tries to force us to automatically hate Gamlen.
Hawke is constantly tired of all of Carvers griping, but s/he doesn't hate him, just wants him to grow up and get over himself. I suspect that Hawke feels the same way about Gamlen, since we can see Hawke try to extend the occasional olive branches to him and on those rare occasions when Gamlen's actually being nice to his neice/nephew, they seem to get on reasonably well.
As for Gamlen's feelings on Hawke... well, we often hear that Hawke greatly takes after Malcolm, someone who Gamlen constantly dismisses for most of the game, which I think is a major part of his friction with Hawke. As much as he tries to hide it, Gamlen completely adores his sister and probably felt utterly betrayed when she ran away from the family to be with Malcolm, leaving him alone with parents who (he believed) didn't think much of him.
Since Malcolm died several years prior, he takes this decades-long resentment out on Hawke instead.
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