306 réponses à ce sujet

[tallon1982]

I liked the snark-fest between Alistair and Tai. The other stories are good too. Just watch out for minor spelling. It's mostly an added letter here and there. =)

[DalishRanger]

Fantastic new additions! The only grip I have is me being a bit anal about lore the bit with "denial not just being a river in Egypt"; I love the joke, but since this is Thedas and not Earth, there is no Egypt. Perhaps though, you could warp it and substitute another nation for Egypt, so the gist of the joke is gotten? Again, it's lore-nitpicking, not a huge deal.

It's a lot of fun seeing Taiyama in his earlier stages. The mage origin would be fun to see with him, but as there seems to be more f/f Leliana romance stuff in fanfiction right now, I would vote for seeing his development with her first. Probably not a surprise to you, huh?

[Taiyama]

Thanks for the comments, ladies and gentlemen. Sorry about any spelling errors I  make. Those are normally because I have to retype my stories from Word to this thing and for some reason my firefox spellchecker doesn't work when I'm posting in these forums. They're almost all due to typing errors rather than ignorance of the correct way to spell it. I try to catch them but my apologies if you see ones I miss.

@DalishRanger: Well, I know of no Egypt equivalent in the Dragon Age: Origins universe so I just took the line out altogether. It was kind of silly, anyway.

Ahaha, you know, when I was writing that Author's Note I thought "I just know DalishRanger is gonna vote for the Leliana and Taiyama option." Since you're the only one who has voiced your opinion, it is your will that shall be done. First the series of short stories regarding their relationship then I'll write Taiyama's Origin. By the way, apologies in advance if my stories are kinda similar to your Seasons of Love but I can't think of any better way to write their relationship than following the method you used.

[DalishRanger]

Taiyama wrote...

[...] for some reason my firefox spellchecker doesn't work when I'm posting in these forums. They're almost all due to typing errors rather than ignorance of the correct way to spell it. I try to catch them but my apologies if you see ones I miss.

Change to BBCode view; your spellchecker will catch things then. I'm not sure why it doesn't in the normal view, but them's the breaks. That should help.

@DalishRanger: Well, I know of no Egypt equivalent in the Dragon
Age: Origins universe so I just took the line out altogether. It was
kind of silly, anyway.

Rivain might've worked, but point.

Ahaha, you know, when I was writing
that Author's Note I thought "I just know DalishRanger is gonna vote
for the Leliana and Taiyama option."

:innocent:

 Since you're the only one who has
voiced your opinion, it is your will that shall be done. First the
series of short stories regarding their relationship then I'll write
Taiyama's Origin. By the way, apologies in advance if my stories are
kinda similar to your Seasons of Love but I can't think of any better
way to write their relationship than following the method you used.

Woot!

Pfft, don't worry about it. It's based off the same game romance subplot - similarities are going to happen. Not to mention we've already discussed several times at length on DA how similar Legam and Taiyama are in personality. Unless you're copying my writing style/original parts word for word everywhere (which I know you won't), there's nothing to apologize for.

[Taiyama]

Ah, thanks for the advice. I had no idea what BBCode WAS before you mentioned that.

And thanks. You have my vow on my sacred honor that I won't steal from your original parts. I may have to look over the first Seasons of Love to remember the dialogue between Leliana and the PC regarding her vision and the Maker shortly after you first meet her. Does anyone have a youtube video of that conversation that can job my memory? I remember most conversations in the game quite well but this one I've forgotten.

[DalishRanger]

Taiyama wrote...

Ah, thanks for the advice. I had no idea what BBCode WAS before you mentioned that.

And thanks. You have my vow on my sacred honor that I won't steal from your original parts. I may have to look over the first Seasons of Love to remember the dialogue between Leliana and the PC regarding her vision and the Maker shortly after you first meet her. Does anyone have a youtube video of that conversation that can job my memory? I remember most conversations in the game quite well but this one I've forgotten.

A lot of people miss the BBCode thing. I prefer the "basic" view, but there are some advantages to the BBCode view. Easier to nest quotes and add images that way.

You know, I actually typed out every notable Leliana romance related coversation in dialgoue format, word-for-word; well, not all combinations, but the paths Legam took. I still have them saved in a Word file. I did it as reference for my Seasons of Love story. If you want, I can send the document to you.

[tallon1982]

BBCode is your friend here. It's always a pain to copy and paste from word or some other program only to get it screwed up by the format on this board.

[Taiyama]

I would very, very, very much appreciate that, DalishRanger. It would save me a great amount of time and also help in later stories.

[DalishRanger]

PM sent with a link to download the Word document. You're welcome.

[Taiyama]

All right, to tide you lot over until I have the first part of the next story arc done, I've got a treat! I used to moan about not being able to show you guys what Taiyama really looked like because I don't have the PC version of the game. Today I remembered that I do, in fact, own a digital camera. These pictures won't be the best quality but you'll at least see what the guy looks like.

Without further ado, Taiyama Surana: 









One thing you might notice is that Taiyama's skin is rather pale. That's intentional--I figured that the guy spending all of his life in the Circle Tower sitting around and reading books would have rather pale skin. 

Anyway, here's the group Taiyama runs with post-Landsmeet:



Before the Landsmeet, Loghain was replaced with Alistair. There's so much goodness in this party I like to call them "The Saint Brigade". Well, except Loghain. Guess he's the Lancer--specifically, the third kind since Taiyama definitely fits the the Messiah trope, at least in terms of his dealings with other people--after all, of all my characters, Taiyama's the only one who not only grants mercy and redemption to Loghain but also is rather cordial with him. Their relationship will be elaborated on in later stories.

I'll post pictures of Taiyama's spells and stats if anyone wants me to (just say the word and I will) but I have to get to bed, so let me finish this post with this:




Maker's Breath, she's beautiful. And that smirk she has right before you kiss her! Makes my heart melt each time. God damn you, Bioware, for making me fall in love with a fictional character!

[DalishRanger]

It's great to finally see Taiyama, even if you had to resort to digital camera shots. (If you're ever able to get the PC version, I highly recommend it. Combat's better balanced, overall better interface - especially for spells - fewer bugs and mods can really add to enjoyment).

I've always loved her smirk there. Makes me crack my own grin every time.

Hope you don't mind, but after seeing Taiyama, it made me want to doodle him:

[Taiyama]

Oh, wow, thank you very much! Ahaha, he kinda looks like he's
brooding--as he does every now and then. Like Legam, I imagine him with
a tendency to brood every now and then--most often after he has failed
to save someone.You did a very good job.

Yeah, I've heard the
PC is better but one thing about me is that I'm a remarkable tightwad.
I just can't justify buying a game I already own on a different
console, even if it would  make my favorite game of all time even
better. Also, I'm fairly sure my laptop doesn't quite have the minimum requirements for the game. If I remember correctly, I checked when deciding on what platform to get the game.

Anyway, I'm going to get started on the next update now. If all goes well, I'll have it up by tonight.

Modifié par Taiyama, 04 février 2010 - 02:36 .

[tallon1982]

Oh wow...That is an awesome sketch!

[DalishRanger]

Taiyama wrote...

Oh, wow, thank you very much! Ahaha, he kinda looks like he's
brooding--as he does every now and then. Like Legam, I imagine him with
a tendency to brood every now and then--most often after he has failed
to save someone.You did a very good job.

Yeah, I've heard the
PC is better but one thing about me is that I'm a remarkable tightwad.
I just can't justify buying a game I already own on a different
console, even if it would  make my favorite game of all time even
better. Also, I'm fairly sure my laptop doesn't quite have the minimum requirements for the game. If I remember correctly, I checked when deciding on what platform to get the game.

Anyway, I'm going to get started on the next update now. If all goes well, I'll have it up by tonight.

D'aaw, thanks! It was a quickie - about 10-15 minutes, tops. And brooding expressions are fun.


Ha, I'm normally that way about games too. Just wait until it drops in price/you have a better computer and talk a friend into getting it for your as a birthday present one day. xD I was lucky - what I really wanted was the PC version, but my old computer couldn't run it. So I bought the Xbox version to tide me over until I had a new PC. I was saving to build a new computer after college, and my brother, being awesome, anticipated this and bought me the PC version for Christmas. Got my new computer built over New Year's and now I enjoy a much better version of DA:O.

Modifié par DalishRanger, 04 février 2010 - 04:34 .

[Taiyama]

Hah. I just noticed that my last post was terribly redundant. It was also redundant. Sorry about that.



I'll probably have to do that. I think next time I get a new computer, it'll be an actual desktop instead of a laptop. Since moving out of my parents' home, I've found less and less of a need for a portable computer.

[DalishRanger]

Taiyama wrote...

Hah. I just noticed that my last post was terribly redundant. It was also redundant. Sorry about that.

I'll probably have to do that. I think next time I get a new computer, it'll be an actual desktop instead of a laptop. Since moving out of my parents' home, I've found less and less of a need for a portable computer.

No worries. I am frequently redundent in my speech, and I frequently catch myself doing it in my writing. I do my best to eliminate it when writing stories, but sometimes things slip through the cracks.

Desktops are way better than laptops in almost every way if you don't need to port your computer around. I've never had a laptop as my main PC, and never will. Don't mind it as a backup/for special occasions (like business meetings when I'm doing freelance website design), but for most of my work, my desktops fit better. Especially the new beast I built - it's a full tower with several hard drives, four fans, and a massive video card. It's not easily moving anywhere. But it runs beautifully.

Modifié par DalishRanger, 04 février 2010 - 05:29 .

[MarcusDeVarro]

horray for xbox owners!

[Taiyama]

Wow, I'm envious, DalishRanger. Ah, well.

By the way, I AM working on the next story. It'll be done before I go to sleep, I promise. However, I sometimes get these stray thoughts that won't leave my head and I have to devote time to them. That's the reasoning behind what I've spent time finding: some visual references. I mention a lot in the narrative about Confident!Taiyama's "crooked smile" but I figure it might help if I give you a concrete image on what I mean. So here you go: 


This one's more for when he's facing against enemies.


This one's more around friends.

I know you're probably thinking "Oh, shock, another Gurren Lagann reference. What is Taiyama, a Simon clone?" But Taiyama's actually based off me and the smile I mention in there is my own--my mother likes to call it "your father's sly smile" because I get it from him. I just happen to be a great deal like Simon in my progression and maturation as a person and I know it, so I make a reference to it by adding in shout-outs and such to Gurren Lagann with some of Taiyama's lines. That plus Gurren Lagann is my favorite show and was actually strangely formative on my own maturation--it was the example of Kamina that I followed that helped me get over my crippling self-esteem issues by doing what Taiyama does in this story: first pretending he had confidence while secretly being insecure but slowly transitioning to having actual confidence in himself. 

Anyway, back to writing. Sorry for taking up your time. I don't know if this will help or not, but I'd never stop thinking about it and be able to concentrate on writing if I didn't do it.

Modifié par Taiyama, 04 février 2010 - 06:35 .

[DalishRanger]

Taiyama wrote...

Wow, I'm envious, DalishRanger. Ah, well.

Don't be. I spent the last of my spare savings on the parts (what parts my parents didn't contribute as Christmas presents, at least). Makes it even more vital that I find a job soon.

 

Taiyama wrote...
I know you're probably thinking "Oh, shock, another Gurren Lagann reference. What is Taiyama, a Simon clone?" But Taiyama's actually based off me and the smile I mention in there is my own--my mother likes to call it "your father's sly smile" because I get it from him. I just happen to be a great deal like Simon in my progression and maturation as a person and I know it, so I make a reference to it by adding in shout-outs and such to Gurren Lagann with some of Taiyama's lines. That plus Gurren Lagann is my favorite show and was actually strangely formative on my own maturation--it was the example of Kamina that I followed that helped me get over my crippling self-esteem issues by doing what Taiyama does in this story: first pretending he had confidence while secretly being insecure but slowly transitioning to having actual confidence in himself. 

Anyway, back to writing. Sorry for taking up your time. I don't know if this will help or not, but I'd never stop thinking about it and be able to concentrate on writing if I didn't do it.

Never once thought that. Mainly because I've never seen/heard of Gurren Lagann. Might be because I don't watch much anime outside of a few movies these days. I'm very picky about anime, as Japan produces so much of it that there's a lot of crap to wade through to get to the gems.

Playing characters based on yourself is quite common. I'm one of the oddballs that prefers never to play herself. It's one reason I rarely play females, in fact. Of course, it's impossible for me to keep little bits of my personality from my PCs. Legam's closer to me than my other Wardens, but there's still a lot different between us (gender and vast physical differences aside). I share with him wit, being a romantic at heart (though I pretty much never show it in person; he's more open about it), and we're both bookworms. That's about it. I don't tend to brood (I either twist worries into humor or I just explode into a ball of stress). I'm far more hyperactive than him, and he's far less talkative than I am. Can you tell? 

Do you watch a lot of anime? Because you sure seem to pick up on the Japanese tendency of frequent apologizing and light self-depreciation. Stop apologizing for providing extra details. It's your own topic, do as you damn well please! *Poke* To hell with anyone who faults you for the in between information!

(In case it's unclear, the last paragraph isn't said in anger/frustration, but meant as a tone of light teasing. You never know how you tone of "voice" comes across online...)

Modifié par DalishRanger, 04 février 2010 - 07:49 .

[Taiyama]

I actually don't watch very much anime at all. Gurren Lagann is simply an exception to the rule. A very very awesome exception that I heartily recommend to anyone who's willing to watch it. I agree that there's a lot of crap to wade through--that's why I don't watch much--but Gurren Lagann is one of the gems.

I normally don't write characters based off myself anymore--I largely see it as the domain of less experienced writers--but I couldn't resist with Taiyama. The main reason is that this fanfiction I'm writing now is mainly practice for later writing. I haven't written in a long time and writing what you know is easy and comes naturally. It's a good starting point for "getting back in the game" if you will.

The self-deprecation is simply the relic of the aforementioned massive self-esteem problems. I've gotten a lot better over time but I'd be lying if I said the process of believing in myself and my abilities was over. I do appear to have been slipping a bit--I honestly didn't realize I sounded self-deprecating in the last couple of posts.

All right, update coming up right now. I won't have time to really format it well--I'll do that tomorrow since I really need to get to sleep--but I'll have it up as promised.

Modifié par Taiyama, 04 février 2010 - 04:03 .

[Taiyama]

A Bond Forged in Fire
Part One: The Warden and the Chantry Girl

The setting sun shone on a scene of carnage. Blood and corpses were scattered about a narrow dirt road on all sides—the attackers had ambushed from every angle. The dense, verdant forest around them was strangely quiet, most animals having been scared off by the sounds of swords clanging and spells flying. Fortunately, little of the blood and none of the corpses belonged to the motley group of travelers who had just been ambushed by darkspawn.

Leliana put away her bow and looked at the young elf who was their de facto leader. He was panting from the exertion—time spent reading and training in magic at the Circle is not exactly conducive to a fit physique—and shaking like a leaf from fear. Leliana had always imagined Grey Wardens as stalwart heroes, fighting unafraid for the salvation of all mankind. The two surviving Wardens in front of her hardly matched up to that ideal.

Almost as if to prove her point, Alistair struck up a conversation with Taiyama. “Hey, Taiyama, it’s getting late. Do you think we should set up camp soon?”

“I don’t know… Why do you always make me make the decisions?” Taiyama asked.

“Well, I’m a horrible leader. Things never go right when I lead. We get lost! People die! Then next thing you know I’m stranded somewhere without any pants!”

Taiyama looked down at the ground. “Well, I’m no good at this either…”

“Well, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to fight about it.”

“Fine. I guess we should make camp, if that’s all right…”

Sten shook his head derisively and cut in to stop the pain. “We should not camp here unless you want to sleep amongst the corpses of the darkspawn.”

“Oh. Right. Sorry, I forgot…”

“So these are the last two Grey Wardens in all of Ferelden, hmm?” Morrigan mused, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “My, I feel safer already.”

Alistair shot Morrigan a glare in response. Taiyama, however, only looked at the ground again and muttered an “I’m sorry…” that Leliana only barely heard. Taiyama then led the way down the road once again, all the time looking around for a suitable spot to camp.

Well, the Maker certainly works in mysterious ways, doesn’t he? Leliana thought to herself as she followed along. Alistair and Taiyama hardly seem like the types to save the world from the Blight. Still, they were the only two surviving Grey Wardens. The Maker must have saved them for a reason. I think both of them are destined for greatness. If I can help in any way, I’m sure that is the Maker’s work.
******************
It was a cold night, the kind of night that chilled you to your very core. Leliana shivered and got closer to the fire. No matter long she lived here, she could never quite get used to the cold Ferelden climate. Still, she had forgotten how much she had missed traveling. Sitting there, listening to the calls of the crickets and frogs, one could easily forget the impending Blight and civil war. Call her silly, but nights always seemed like a perfect time to lay aside one’s daily burdens and relax.

Taiyama, meanwhile, had been inside his tent, writing in his journal an account of all the horrible and wondrous things that had happened since the battle of Ostagar—this had been the first time he had been able to write in it since then. When he got to writing how he met Leliana he stopped, letting his mind wander.

How on earth did she know we needed help? How did she know where we’d be or even that we would be there in Lothering? And what was this vision she claims to have seen? Maybe she really has been sent by the Maker...

Finding his curiosity intolerable, Taiyama set aside his pen and exited his tent. He walked up beside Leliana and sat down beside her, letting the fire warm his hands for a moment before he turned to Leliana.

“Um, excuse me, Leliana…” Taiyama said softly.

Leliana looked up at him. “Yes?”

“May I talk to you for a moment?” Taiyama asked, trying to think of a way to broach the subject politely.

“What about?”

“Um… Well…about this vision of yours…”

Leliana immediately frowned. Taiyama caught flashes of hesitation and a strange one—a bit of fear--in her eyes. His first instinct was to apologize and back off but Leliana began speaking before he got a chance to do so.

“I knew this would come up sooner or later.” Leliana heaved a resigned sigh. “I don’t know how to explain it, but I had a dream. In it, there was this impenetrable darkness. It was so dense, so real. And there was a noise, a terrible ungodly noise. I stood on a peak and watches as the darkness consumed everything…and when the storm swallowed the last of the sun’s light, I…” Leliana shivered unconsciously—this was the most frightening part of the dream to her, the blackness devouring all of the life and nature that she loved so much, “I fell, and the darkness drew me in…”

Taiyama had been sitting glued to the spot, riveted not only by the content of the dream but also Leliana’s delivery of it. It was a few moments before he realized she had stopped speaking.

“Did you dream of the Blight…?” he asked.

“I suppose I did. That is what the dream was, no?” Leliana answered, nodding her head. “When I woke, I went to the chantry’s garden, as I always do. But that day, the rosebush in the corner had flowered… Everyone knew that bush was dead. It was grey and twisted and gnarled—the ugliest thing you ever saw—but there it was: a single, beautiful rose. It was as if the Maker stretched out His hand to say, ‘Even in the midst of this darkness, there is hope and beauty. Have faith.’”

“And this made you want to help me…?” Taiyama asked, deep in thought about the implications of this entire thing if it was true.

“In my dream, I fell or…or maybe I jumped… I’d do anything to stop the Blight. I know that we can do it. There are so many good things in the Maker’s world. How can I sit by while the Blight devours…everything?”

Taiyama thought about this for a moment. Almost immediately, a defense against these kinds of ideas—ideas that were technically heretical—popped in his mind in favor of the orthodoxy he had been taught ever since he was a child.

“The Chantry says that the Maker has left us…” Taiyama stated, sounding more like he was playing Devil’s Advocate in an argument than actually professing what he believed.

Leliana smiled knowingly. “He is still here; I hear Him in the winds and the waves, I feel Him in the sunlight that warms my skin. I believe the Maker reveals Himself in the beauty of his world to everyone who knows how to listen. I know what the Chantry says about the Maker, and what should I believe? What I feel in my heart, or what others tell me?”

“Well, I guess you should believe what feels right to you…”

“Thank you. I know what I know, and no will ever make that untrue.”

It was a curious thing, having the core of your beliefs challenged like that. Yet I couldn’t hate her or resent her for it—I couldn’t even really bring myself to disagree with her. All my life, somewhere in my soul, I felt that it was…wrong that the Maker should create this entire wondrous world filled with life, excitement, and wonder only to abandon his second children he created it for. Until that point, whenever these doubts surfaced in my mind I would always brutally repress them and think of other things, foolishly complacent in holding beliefs that ran counter to what I felt in my soul. Leliana forced me to come face-to-face with these doubts and gave me an alternative way of thinking that seemed so…so…right.

I stared at the fire for quite some time—I know not how long—lost in thought. Leliana apparently took that as a cue that the conversation was over and began tuning her lute—which I would have questioned her about had I noticed.

Leliana jumped slightly in surprise when Taiyama suddenly announced, “You know…you know, I think I agree with you.” Taiyama paused for a moment. “In fact, I’m sure I agree with you.”

Leliana smiled widely—and Taiyama noted that she looked incredibly beautiful when she did that. “Thank you, Taiyama. It’s nice to find someone who agrees with me.”

Author's Note: Hoo, boy, that took longer than I thought it would. Special thanks to DalishRanger for supplying the transcript of the vision talk between the PC and Leliana. I'm tempted to say "Horrible writing is horrible." but I just got chided for self-deprecation, didn't I? As before, let me know what you think and what I should work on. I'm off to sleep.

[DalishRanger]

Very nice - I don't think I caught any spelling mistakes or typos this time around. Taiyama is rather timid early on, isn't he? Poor guy. Good one-liners from Sten and Morrigan too. Even a smidgen of dialogue can represent a lot about people, and I think with what little you had of them, you got their characters down.



And for some reason the corpses of the darkspawn from their epic fail attempt at an ambush made me giggle.

[tallon1982]

That was really well done in how you integrated the conversation from the game into the story. Bravo!

[Taiyama]

Thank you very much for the compliments. Regarding typos, that's because I used BBCode like you mentioned and it works flawlessly. Before, all of my typos were from retyping the entire story from Word.

Honestly, I would certainly hope I got Sten's and Morrigan's personalities down considering the number of times I've played the game. And Taiyama is indeed a doormat early on, almost entirely incapable of standing up for himself--one of the few exceptions is what you saw earlier when he meets Jowan in the Redcliffe dungeon. It does make it kinda easier to raise approval when your character is like that, though. Even when Morrigan's all "Blah, blah, I'm an amoral b**** survival and power mean everything if you love you suck" Taiyama doesn't have cahones to disagree with her to her face. If I recall, he sort of waffled when Morrigan asked him his opinion with something like "Well, I don't really know..." 'Course, all of the gains I made in Morrigan's approval were later done away with and then some when I brought her to Redcliffe and she got all disapprovaly when Taiyama started acting like a saint, giving out as much money as he could to people in need, solving problems, etc. It's hilarious how long it took me to make up the lost approval I got just from that one part of the game.

Ahaha, failspawn. That could be a meme, you know. "Failspawn is fail." "Gaiz, how do I corrupted archdemon?"

Edit: @Tallon1982: You just have a knack for posting while I'm writing up a post, don'tcha? Hehehe. Thank you very much for the compliments, though. I appreciate it.

Modifié par Taiyama, 05 février 2010 - 01:10 .

[tallon1982]

Morrigan isn't too hard to nail down and I mean that in the nicest way possible and also non sexually lol. Sten is more of a direct person. He'll be short with anyone that he disagrees with and will test you. I guess you could say he's like a Marine? Just get it done and move on. I could be wrong in that comparison though.



From what I read I think you did well. It's not always easy to get characters you don't own to work in your story but that's half the fun lol. And now I shower you with cookies and cake.