I'm not a big fan of Merrill, but she explicitely said to Anders that all spirits (demons or not) are dangerous. The fact that she thought she needed the demon's help doesn't change that. She even said to Hawke that she feared the demon doing something in act 3 and to be prepared to kill her if things went badly."Yay Blood magic! Demons are our friends! Whoopsie I got my clan killed!"
And no, Marethari had a lot of responsibility of the clan's possible end. Choosing to save one dalish and becoming an abomination that will almost surely destroy the clan later is just dumb, not to mention a betrayal.





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