78 réponses à ce sujet

[justafan]

Ok here's one:

 

[Fill in Character name] You actually think you're *the* Commander Shepard? Oh, all this time I thought you were a clone. Hey guys look, it's the real Commander Shepard!

 

Shepard: You're mocking me, aren't you?

 

[FICN]: Oh no, no, no, no, - Commander, look a Reaper!

 

Shepard: Where?!

 

[FICN]: (Laughs hoarsely followed by knee slapping)

 

 

Guess where I got that one.

 

Buzz Shepard, is that you?  Though it might be overkill to name him after two real astronauts...

 

How about this one.  It's not so much a spoof as a direct quote, but I thought it fit the scene

 

 

- Immediately after defeating the Rannoch Reaper

 

Tali:  This is a fertile land and we will thrive, we will rule over all this land and we will call it, "this land".

 

Geth VI:  I think we should call it "your grave"

 

Tali:  Ahhhh, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

[TheMyron]

Well, alright, I'll just say it. It was Toy Story.

 

Now can anyone think of who Shepard might be talking to? I am having trouble deciding...

[TheMyron]

@Justafan: So, where did you spoof that from?

[SporkFu]

Glyph, we need an immediate Firefly intervention in the the spoof thread for TheMyron.

[Excella Gionne]

Glyph, we need an immediate Firefly intervention in the the spoof thread for TheMyron.

Needing an "immediate firefly intervention" is not a real crisis. Get atta here.

[SporkFu]

Needing an "immediate firefly intervention" is not a real crisis. Get atta here.

Heh heh heh... See? Easy.

[TheMyron]

@Sporkfu, you just had to change from Grunt's cute picture to that heartless witch.

[SporkFu]

@Sporkfu, you just had to change from Grunt's cute picture to that heartless witch.

... Yes. yes I did. I like this pic of Samara, and I disagree with you a hundred percent about her being heartless. She may, however, be a witch. Let's find out....

 

Mordin: Samara a witch? Unlikely, but certainly possible. 

Jacob: Well, she turned me into a newt!

Garrus: A newt?

Jacob: ... I got better.

Thane: I didn't.

Mordin: Scientific method can confirm witch status.

Garrus *sarcastic*: Really.

Mordin: Of course. Not the model of a salarian scientist for nothing. What do you do with witches?

Grunt: Burn them.

Mordin: And what do you burn, apart from witches?

Grunt: More witches. Heh-heh-heh.

Legion: We have reached consensus. The answer is wood.

Mordin: Artificial Intelligence possibly of significantly higher intelligence than organic. Must run tests. 

shep: Stay focused, Mordin. 

Mordin: Hmm...? Yes, of course. Now, why do witches burn?

Legion: Logic dictates witches burn because they are made from wood.

Mordin: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?

Jacob: Build a bridge out of her.

Mordin: But can you not also build bridges out of stone?

Jacob: Oh yeah.

Mordin: Does wood sink in water?

Garrus: No, no, it floats!... It floats!

Grunt: Throw her into the pond!

Mordin: What else floats in water?

Jacob: Bread.

Thane: Apples.

Garrus: Very small rocks.

Tali: Cider. *hic*

Zaeed: Gravy.

Miranda: Cherries.

Grunt: Stop talking about food. 

Jack: Churches.

Kasumi: Lead! Lead!

shep: A duck.

Mordin: Exactly. So,logically...?

Jacob: If she weighed the same as a duck... she's made of wood.

Mordin: And therefore...?

All: ...A witch!

[TheMyron]

Oh Yeah SporkFu? Two can play at that game!

 

Scene: Recruiting Jack from Purgatory, and assuming Warden Kuril was more... diplomatic;

 

Kuril: Follow. But! Follow only you are people of valor! For this cryo-cell is occupied by a Biotic so foul, so cruel, that nobody yet has fought with it... and lived!

 

*Later... Once Jack's tube is exposed...

 

Kuril: There it is!

 

Shepard: Where?

 

Kuril: There!

 

Shepard: What? Behind the girl?

 

Kuril: The Biotic IS the girl!

 

Shepard: You silly Turian, you got us all worked up!

 

Kuril: Well, that is no ordinary Biotic, that's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered chick you ever set eyes on!

 

Kasumi: You a**! I soiled my suit I was so scared!

 

Kuril: Look, that girl's got a vicious streak a mile wide! She's a killer!

 

Miranda: Get stuffed!

 

Kuril: I'm warning you!

 

Miranda: What has she done? Bite your c*ck?

 

Kuril: She puts out these huge Shockwaves... err... she can Charge about... look at the mech parts!

 

Miranda: Go on Jacob, grab her by the neck and bring her here!

 

Jacob: Right. One cute chick comin' right up!

 

Kuril: Look!  *Jacob gets vaporized in Biotic Explosion*

 

Shepard: Jeez Louis!

 

Kasumi: I did it again!

[SporkFu]

Catalyst: Stop. Who would choose at the Crucible must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

Javik: Ask me the questions, catalyst. I am not afraid.

catalyst: What... is your name?

Javik: My name is Javik of the Empire.

catalyst: What... is your quest?

Javik: To destroy the Reapers.

catalyst: What... is your favourite colour?

Javik: Red.

catalyst: Go on. Off you go.

Javik: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

TIM: That's easy!

catalyst: Stop. Who would choose at the Crucible must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

TIM: Ask me the questions, catalyst. I'm not afraid.

catalyst: What... is your name?

TIM: TIM of Cerberus.

catalyst: What... is your quest?

TIM: To control the reapers.

catalyst: What... is the square root of 906.01?

[pause]

TIM: I don't know that.

[he is thrown over the edge into the volcano]

TIM: Auuuuuuuugh.

catalyst: Stop. What... is your name?

Anderson: Anderson... of London.

catalyst: What... is your quest?

Anderson: First I want you to know I'm from London.

catalyst: Got it. What... is your-

Anderson: But I'm from London.

catalyst: FINE. Do you want to play or not?

Anderson: To answer your second question: Yes. 

catalyst: Dammit. You tricked me.

Anderson: Was that a question?

catalyst *grumble*: What... is your favourite colour?

Anderson: Blue. No, Re-

[he is also thrown over the edge]

Anderson: auuuuuuuugh.

catalyst: Hee hee heh. Stop. What... is your name?

shep: It is shep, first human spectre.

catalyst: What... is your quest?

shep: To end the reaper threat.

catalyst: What... is the cost of Cision Pro toothbrush?

shep: What do you mean? A mk II or a mk IV?

catalyst: Huh? I... I don't know that.

[he is thrown over]

catalyst: Auuuuuuuugh.

Vega: How do you know so much about toothbrushes?

shep: Well, you have to know these things when you're a spectre, you know.

Vega: i guess the real training starts now.

 

Traynor *narrating* : And so...once again, a toothbrush saves the day. 

[TheMyron]

Are you sure that Anderson wouldn't have said "green" by accident instead?

[DeinonSlayer]

*A large flask sits within the darkness of a closed refrigerator*
Grunt: *groans repeatedly*
Joker: "Yeah, there he is!"
Mordin: "Vat-grown Krogan procuring intoxicant. Insufficient tolerance, aggressive tendencies problematic! Getting away! Must not let him get to the re-"
*Grunt opens the door, grabs the flask of Ryncol and closes the door*
Joker: "D-don't do it, pal!"
Mordin: "Do. Not. Do it!"
Grunt: *chugs* *belches*
Zaeed: "Oohhhhhhh, hell..."
Joker: "H-h-hey, let's just calm down here! You listening? J-j-just... OH GOD!"
Grunt: "Heh... heh... heh..."
*loud footsteps are heard gathering speed*
Joker: "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GO-"
*Several loud thuds are heard, a beer bottle falls over, and the refrigerator door opens slightly*
Grunt: "Ahahahaha!"
*splat*
Joker: "My blood! H-he punched out ALL of my blood!"
*thud* *thud* *thump*
Mordin: "Ow, ow ow ow ow! Ouch, ouch! Ahhh..."
*snap*
Zaeed: "You call that breaking my spine? You tank-grown splitplate, you wouldn't know how to break a spine if-" *SNAP* "AUGHHH! MY SPINE!"

(src)

[DeinonSlayer]

Also Legion & Friends:

"We question your judgment. Geth love this song."



(0:45)

[SporkFu]

Are you sure that Anderson wouldn't have said "green" by accident instead?

In the movie Galahad answers blue first, because Lancelot did, then he tries to change his answer. I just went with it. 

[TheMyron]

I understand the part of attempting to change his answer, but you didn't have to stay with the same colors.

 

P.S. Yes, Samara is heartless. She doesn't even know meaning of the word "mercy".

[themikefest]

I understand the part of attempting to change his answer, but you didn't have to stay with the same colors.

 

P.S. Yes, Samara is heartless. She doesn't even know meaning of the word "mercy".

So is my femshep. She shows no mercy and has no reason to show mercy.

 

Traynor *narrating* : And so...once again, a toothbrush saves the day. 

She has one bada** toothbrush

[SporkFu]

She has one bada** toothbrush

Worth every one of those six thousand credits. 

[TheMyron]

Mike, your Shepard is a complete mess, in more ways than one.

[Antmarch456]

Ok here's one:
 
[Fill in Character name] You actually think you're *the* Commander Shepard? Oh, all this time I thought you were a clone. Hey guys look, it's the real Commander Shepard!
 
Shepard: You're mocking me, aren't you?
 
[FICN]: Oh no, no, no, no, - Commander, look a Reaper!
 
Shepard: Where?!
 
[FICN]: (Laughs hoarsely followed by knee slapping)
 
 
Guess where I got that one.

Toy Story. Heehee.

[Sriep]

The whole game is one big spoof. Just about every character, line, plot can be linked to some feature from SciFi media/litriture.

[themikefest]

Mike, your Shepard is a complete mess, in more ways than one.

Nope.

[TheMyron]

Hypothetical Situation: Normandy Hanger, Several members of Arlack Company are present, along with Grunt and Wrex, as well as a pair of Asari Scientists they rescued (Probably the pair from the Thessian temple). Several Blood Pack members are also present, a few Krogan but mostly Vorcha.

 

Blood Pack Krogan: I'm starving, we ate nothing ryncol and bugs for three f**king days!

 

Vorcha: Yeah, why can't we have some meat? *eyes the Asari*  What about them? Their fresh...

 

Wrex: They are NOT for eating! We need them alive.

 

Grunt drags both of the Scientists over to Arlack' side.

 

B.P. Krogan: Why alive? *Produces a piece of reddish-purple dancing leather* Do they give good sport?

 

Wrex: We need them alive for the war, they have valuable knowledge locked in their pretty heads.

 

B.P. Krogan: Oh,... what about their legs then? They don't need those,... *eyesight go from ankle to thigh*  Oh, they look tasty... *tries to advance*

 

Wrex: Get back Scum!   *Arlack Company and Blood Pack prepare for standoff*

 

Vorcha who snuck up behind the Asari Scientists: Just a mouthful, a bit of the flank!   *Brandishes Omni-Wristblades*

 

*Wrex fires Executioner Pistol at point-blank range; Vorcha's head explodes*

 

Wrex: Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!    *Arlack Company cheers*

 

End Scene

 

Anyone have a guess?

[Darks1d3]

Lord of the Rings the Two Towers(An alright movie, but the books are still better).

 

3 months have passed since The Shepard went up to the crucible and merged organic DNA with synthetic technology. Since then, the reapers have been trying to find ways to integrate with the rest of society. Here's the story of 2 husks who have moved in with each other.

 

John: Bob! There's a dead human in our house!

Bob: Oh, hey,..how did he get here?

John: Booob, what did you do?

Bob: Me? wha..well,.I didn't do this

John: Explain what happened Bob!

Bob: I never seen him before in my whole life.

John: Why did you kill this person Bob?

Bob: I do not kill people, that is only my former most favorite thing to do. Now I do not like it.

John: Tell me Bob exactly what you were doing before I got home.

Bob: Well, alright, I was upstairs..

John: uh-huh

Bob: I was sitting in my room..

John: ok

Bob: having a snack..

John: right

Bob: and this guy just walks in,

John: ok

Bob: and I walk up to him....aannnd I stabbed him 37 times in the chest.

John:........BOB!

Bob: What?

John: That kills people!!!

Bob: Oh...well...yeah, I didn't know that.

John: How could you not know that?

Bob: uuhhh...

John: wait a minute, what happened to his hands?

Bob: What's that?

John: His hands, why are they missing?

Bob: Well, I kind of cooked them up...and ate them.

John: Booooob,...

Bob: Well, I was hungry, and well, when you crave hands...

John: What? How?

Bob: I was hungry for hands, leave me alone.

John: boooob

Bob: My stomach was making the rumblies, that only hands could satisfy.

John: What's wrong with you Bob?

Bob: Well, I kill people and I eat hands, so that's two things....

 

A spoof of llamas with hats

[ImaginaryMatter]

Shepard was a little heated after beating Kai Leng, like a certain best corner in the game!

 

Diana Allers: Lets send you down to Cronos Station with Khalisah al-Jilani.

 

Khalisah: Diana thank you so much. Commander let me ask you about the final fight. Take me through it.

 

Shepard: Well I'm the best Spectre in the galaxy! When you try me with a sorry Cerberus like Leng, that's the result you gonna get! Don't you ever talk about me!

 

Khalisah: Who was talking about you?

 

Shepard: Kai Leng! Don't you open your mouth about the best or I'm a shut it for you real quick. SR2!

[TheMyron]

Shouldn't it be Leng making that rant?