The quality of Bioware’s writing has always been outstanding, from major dialogue to minor entries in the codices. So I was a tiny bit alarmed to read the mission description shown in the second part of the Skyhold interview with Cameron Lee.
This is the relevant part of the text:
“…a Tevinter mage by the name of Virellius has recently been noted in the company of King Markus, and rumors comment on how strange it is for a new advisor to be so closely needed.”
Now I know that this is a very minor quibble, but this writing seems awkward at best. It reads a bit like a poor translation from another language.
The phrase “has recently been noted in the company of” sounds wrong, but is easy to improve. If nothing else, “to be” should be inserted between “noted” and “in”. But how about “has recently been noted/observed to be much favoured by”, or simply “has recently been noted to have grown increasingly close to”.
The phrase “rumors comment on” is equally awkward. Rumors don’t comment. Neither is an observation that something is strange a rumor. Again, it can easily be fixed: “There are whispers about how strange it is that…”
Finally, “to be so closely needed” is, frankly, a horrible phrase. Something simpler, such as “to be so close to the King/Throne” would convey the same meaning more elegantly.
Alternatively, the whole thing could be rewritten along these lines:
“Recently, a Tevinter mage by the name of [or ‘called’] Virellius has frequently [or ‘often’] been seen [or ‘observed’] to be in close consultation with King Markus. There is growing disquiet about how reliant on his new advisor the King has become/is becoming.”
“Recently, King Markus has frequently been observed to turn for advice to a Tevinter mage called Virellius. Many are remarking on how strange it is that this new advisor has risen so quickly to such a trusted position.”
Anyway, I know this is trivial, and it won’t really affect anyone’s enjoyment of the game, but I just thought I’d mention it.
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