I love Anders, but before loving him I went through a rage-hate phase.
A rivalmanced Anders can be almost stopped from blowing things up. Who prevents that from happening? Justice. If you're friends with Anders, Justice does not feel threatened, so he won't come out and show you how tight is the grip he has on Anders. Sure, Anders will say Justice and him are one, but by the end, that's just not how it is. It's Justice who is taking the decisions. If Anders doubts, if he thinks what he's going to do is wrong, if he wants to stop, Justice will make him do it anyway. He will go as far as taking full control. Anders has feelings, but little power over the decisions taken.
As a rival, you can make Anders see that. If you always support him as a friend, you're enabling his belief that he can control Justice and that things are ok. Justice won't see you as an enemy and won't clash with you that much. If you're Anders' rival romance, Justice sees you as a threat and at one point outright comes out, takes full possession of Anders and tells your Hawke to leave, tells you, being unmistakably in full control of Anders "I am Anders, Anders does not need you, leave, blah blah vengeance against the Chantry, templars". When Justice subsides, Anders has no idea what happened and admits to Hawke he's been having more and more blackouts. He does not know what he does when Justice takes full control.
A rivalmanced Anders will admit he can't control Justice. He never had a chance. He made the wrong decision by allowing him into his body, but he would have never done what he did, no matter how much anger he had inside, if it weren't because Justice made him. Justice ate up Anders. Anders says he tried to stop that from happening but he could not because Justice is too strong. He knows everything is wrong. And he knows he can't stop it.
It's sad, but it makes sense.





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