Withholding the Arulin'holme from her feels wrong and controlling. The rivalry romance feels squicky to me. Going from "I never want to see you again" to "I love you" so quickly is...uncomfortable.
But I don't still agree with the use of blood magic and dealing with demons in her clan's backyard. That puts me in the position where I'm satisfied with neither the rivalry or friendship routes. Without intentionally metagaming, I naturally go with the friendship route, being pro-mage and not withholding the arulin'holme. But I don't like how Hawke at the end of the friendship route seems to shift all of the blame on her clan. She is partly to blame. Her clan doesn't want her there doing blood magic and dealing with demons, and yet she continues to do so.
She should have at least waited until the clan moved. The problem with her justification of wanting to help the Dalish and her clan is that they don't want the mirror nor do they want her to be using blood magic and speaking with demons. The fact that they refuse her help should be enough for her wait until they've moved on.
They have good reason to refuse her help, too. If she gets possessed and Hawke is defeated by the demon, then the Pride Demon isn't going to stop there. It's likely going to go slaughter the Dalish camp and so on. Merrill clearly thinks there was cause to be concerned that she might get possessed, and the fact that without Hawke's intervention, she gets stabbed by Marethari (and the Night Terrors thing) goes to show that Merrill is at risk of being tricked by demons.
I think the problem is that everyone else involved overreacts terribly. Any blame Merrill might incur is drowned out by how horrible everyone else is.





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