Mmmm... ok, I see your point, I guess. On the other hand, let's imagine in Quentin situation Hawke's LI will say "hey, but he did it all for the right reasons, let's not kill him". Will Hawke agree just because it is LI who is talking?
Most people have certain borders that they are not allowing to cross for anybody. Romanced Alistair will not agree to spare Loghain, for example and leave the Warden if she will.
As for Sebastian's threats of war, he is speaking in the state of shock. We have no idea if he will actually do it. (I guess, we'll see in the Inquisition in the "Anders alive" world state). I will be very curious to find out.
That is indeed a fair point but it will not stop people from condemning (sad, I know).
Anders himself have borders such as dealings with demons or siding with Templars immediately ends his romance.
Personally I believe even if Sebastian was serious I find him incapable of doing such a thing.





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