Dorian was the worst choice because he embodies far too much what people think a gay man is. Dashing, sophisticated, sultry, feminine (although I agree he isn't that much) and a mage with a mustache (that is far from the Stroud kind).
Why couldn't it be the Iron Bull ? Or Cullen ? Varric or even Solas ? Dorian being gay doesn't actually surprise people, while I still see some things like "Iron Bull shouldn't be into men, it doesn't fit his personnality". Anyone else would have been much more effective at showing that gay men aren't a separate race and merely unlucky men.
Edit : And don't take me wrong, Dorian is one of my fav characters, I just don't agree it had to be him.
In regards to your comment about the masc4masc crowd, I think they're just as bad. They push the masc thing too far and it devolves into perversion.
They're a direct result of feminine gay men however which are a direct result of oppression. But do you really think separating use further from the "normal" crowd is a good thing ? We should strive to be seen as men who happen to be into men and not just "the gay men", sexuality shouldn't come first.
I think we should see a wide variety of gay characters. Bioware has only made two prominent gay male characters: Steve and Dorian. Steve is exactly what you are asking for. He's a guy who just happens to be gay. It's referenced in the game. He can be romanced by mShep. But if you showed someone a clip of him in most of his scenes, most people would probably assume he was just another straight soldier. And, to clarify, that's not a critique of his character. I liked that about him.
Dorian is a slightly different representation. He's not feminine, but he certainly has more stereotypical qualities that people might associate with gay men, like you said. Mostly, in my opinion, his fashion sense and his bitchy, sarcastic personality. If this was the only type of gay guy that Bioware made, then I'd be annoyed. But it's not. In fact, it wasn't even the first. Plus, the fact that there have really only been these two guys makes it kind of a moot point at this point. Until we get a few more examples, it's hard to say if there are any trends or not. Dorian, to me, represents many gay guys that I've known. I don't see a problem with him 'representing' gay men and he remains one of my favorite DA characters of all time (tied with Vivienne and just edging out Sigrun, Cassandra, and Wynne).
I also cringe when I see people say things about how being gay or bisexual 'doesn't fit his personality' when discussing characters. I hate it because, whether they know it or not, when someone says that, they are demonstrating their own prejudices against gay/bisexual men. The only way to combat this is by having representation of gay and bisexual men who act in all sorts of ways. I agree that for too long, the only representation of gays were mostly femme guys played as jokes or villains and, unfortunately, it reinforced negative stereotypes for many people. I don't think Bioware is contributing to that, though. In fact, I think they've done a great job of offering a wide variety of gay and bisexual guys so far. There have been 8 guys: Sky, Zevran, Anders, Fenris, Kaidan, Steve, Dorian, and Bull. And all of them are slightly different. If anything, a femme guy is what's missing at this point. I think they've been avoiding that in fear of negative backlash. I think we're overdue for a guy like that though.
With regard to your statement about the 'masc4mac' crowd being as bad. I agree that both extremes in this situation are at fault. The hyper-masculine femme-despising gays whose entire identities are wrapped up in masculinity to the point of alienating and bullying femme guys. And also the femme guys who take any expression or appreciation of masculinity as an attack on the community and fling accusations of internalized homophobia at any perceived "straight-acting" guys. I don't think that respecting femme guys is, in any way, separating the community from "normal guys". Because there are, literally, hundreds of thousands of femme gay guys and that is normal for our community. It's part of the community, just like gym bunnies, bears, daddies, twinks, etc. I don't see a problem with people being who they are. There's been hundreds of years of oppression on our community and the femme guys have taken the brunt of it in many ways. I think it's a shame to see more **** being piled onto them from within our community. And I say this as "masculine" guy.
tl;dr: I don't think it's that bad. In fact, we probably need some femme guys for a more well-rounded representation. (Sorry about the book)
Come on man, mustaches are gay for the average person, mainly due to people like Freddie Mercury who contributed to present the mustache as a "gay style". It was an iconic gay symbol in the seventies and a way to indentify gay men. Mustaches became known as the "Porn Stache" or the "Pedo Stache" because of porn and consequently lost their manly and rugged connotations for ridicule, something that's often used against gay men.
Its perfectly fine if it comes with a beard but that's not the case here.
Not to be contrary, but I don't associate moustaches with gay. I would if we were talking about the late 70's through early 90's, maybe (probably?). But today? I associate moustaches with hipsters, who (like most demographics) are mostly straight. I don't see Dorian's moustache as a Freddie Mercury one, as much as an Erroll Flynn "Old-Hollywood" one with a wink towards hipster. Neither of those are particularly gay.