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The gay knight in shining armor


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#1626
Gaesesagai

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I think in this case it's the fact that the common portrayal of women in media and especially the fantasy/action genres is the fact that they need someone (usually a man) in order to do the heavy lifting. 

 

For instance, in pretty much any other game, Cassandra would have been a male character, because of not only her attitude, but also her affiliation with the Seekers themselves. It's a very masculine role and there are very few women who have been depicted in such ways, not just in games, but across all media. Unfortunately, the majority of those women who are put into masculine role are justified in those roles because they are "less than woman" e.g. more man than woman, and the most cost effective way to do this in a limited time is to make her a lesbian. Like "Look at this woman here, she's an [insert occupation here] no real woman would ever truly be interested in doing this, so she has to be like men." 

 

To me, this is related to the unwillingness of *straight men to acknowledge that a feminine woman would ever be interested in another woman (because women have to justify not wanting or being attracted to a man) and therefore the prevalence of most fictional lesbian women being only lesbian until the main male character comes along, or if she is actually bisexual, then she is the feminine, conventionally attractive, unassuming type, more akin to Lelianna and Josephine. Not that I have any objection to those two, or their type, but just an observation. Which then pushes the problem into a new area: because a butch, more masculine woman was seen as a derogatory or inflaming stereotype, there is reluctance to portray one in a story because then she is seen as not her own character, but a cheap and easy way to fill in a slot. 

 

To bring this back around to my original intent, these more feminine characters are usually sidelined in favor of a masculine hero, and then relegated to background noise with no agency of their own. Again, I say usually, because as we can clearly see, Bioware certainly does not engage in this practice. Therefore it was disheartening when Cassandra was not at least bisexual, and I would argue Vivienne as well, because if the case can be made for non heterosexual women, then the same can be true of women of color regardless of their sexuality. Although, it could be argued that Vivienne may be a stronger character because she can't be romanced. 

 

There's more to come, but family lunch is happening,

 

*straight refers to the societal heterosexual man, not every one ever in existance

 

Yes, much of it stems from gender roles and the way some people are so hopelessly entrenched in afirming them. It goes bad for men and women alike. Basically, you step outside the "approved" characteristics for your gender, it means something is wrong or abnormal with you. A woman like Cassandra, with whom Bioware did a great job imo, who is independent and strong, both physically and mentally, and like you said, doesn't need a man to "save" or "help" her (which is such a tired trope) is perceived as "not feminine enough", not "traditionally beautiful" or whatever nonsense people were saying when complaining how the str8 male gamers got only ugly women to romance (I actually believe I read somewhere how she is "like a man" so yeah...).

The same happens with men. Have them be a bit more sensitive, or emotional, and bam! they're "less then real men".

It amuses me to some degree when I hear people talk about this because no matter who they are hating on, they don't seem to realise they are basically undermining the other gender as well. I mean you can't argue a delicate, sensitive, emotional man is "less then a man" or "more feminine", without implying that a woman is less. This is particularly funny when a woman makes the argument. Same goes for arguing a woman is "less" if she is stronger, independent. Simply considering those attributes as "specific to men" is insulting.

But eh, society at large is still largely lost in the absurdity of gender roles and all the idiotic bla bla about how womer are supposed to be this and that and men are supposed to be this and that.

With their effort to make a great game and representation, and they did do an amazing job, especially when comparing them to... anyone else on the market lol, Bioware did fall for this too a bit. But well, at least they are really trying to push things forward. I respect that.

Oh and don't get me started on the "you're not gay, you just haven't met the right man/woman" thing. It gets my blood boiling lol. 


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#1627
Sully13

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oh i deffinetly havent met the right ma... he needs a car cash oh and boobs.



#1628
Grieving Natashina

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Oh and don't get me started on the "you're not gay, you just haven't met the right man/woman" thing. It gets my blood boiling lol. 

One thing that does make me sad from time to time: As a bisexual, I used to hear that a lot even from the rest of the LGBT community.  "You're actually gay/straight.  You haven't met right man/woman."  Now I get, "You can't be bi!  You're monogamous with a man, so surely you're straight now."  It's getting much better, but it definitely got old.


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#1629
eyezonlyii

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Yes, much of it stems from gender roles and the way some people are so hopelessly entrenched in afirming them. It goes bad for men and women alike. Basically, you step outside the "approved" characteristics for your gender, it means something is wrong or abnormal with you. A woman like Cassandra, with whom Bioware did a great job imo, who is independent and strong, both physically and mentally, and like you said, doesn't need a man to "save" or "help" her (which is such a tired trope) is perceived as "not feminine enough", not "traditionally beautiful" or whatever nonsense people were saying when complaining how the str8 male gamers got only ugly women to romance (I actually believe I read somewhere how she is "like a man" so yeah...).

The same happens with men. Have them be a bit more sensitive, or emotional, and bam! they're "less then real men".

It amuses me to some degree when I hear people talk about this because no matter who they are hating on, they don't seem to realise they are basically undermining the other gender as well. I mean you can't argue a delicate, sensitive, emotional man is "less then a man" or "more feminine", without implying that a woman is less. This is particularly funny when a woman makes the argument. Same goes for arguing a woman is "less" if she is stronger, independent. Simply considering those attributes as "specific to men" is insulting.

But eh, society at large is still largely lost in the absurdity of gender roles and all the idiotic bla bla about how womer are supposed to be this and that and men are supposed to be this and that.

With their effort to make a great game and representation, and they did do an amazing job, especially when comparing them to... anyone else on the market lol, Bioware did fall for this too a bit. But well, at least they are really trying to push things forward. I respect that.

Oh and don't get me started on the "you're not gay, you just haven't met the right man/woman" thing. It gets my blood boiling lol. 

i will admit my own shortcomings in this, and I know I've come a long way since I was a newly minted gay (all of like 10 years ago lol).

 

My perceived sense of self basically mandated that feminine=woman and gay men who are feminine=not authentic. I was so sure that these guys were acting out a role as opposed to truly expressing themselves, that when I met Matthew, who is has a masculine aesthetic, though his is more statesman (he would be a perfect study in Trevalyan) than the brodude type, I was honestly baffled by how this "manly man" could not only associate, but actually befriend these guys. It was perplexing to say the least. 

 

I don't know exactly when I matured, but I did. And I'm fairly sure it was like a lightening bolt. I think I was pondering the differences in our circle of friends, where I contrasted his "masculine" nature with his more effeminate friends, and my straight friends with my "I'm just being me" self. I came to realize, going sown that train of thought, that if I could be me, and have the friends I did, then why couldn't these other guys not be them and have Matthew and other "masculine" friends in their groups as well. It hit hard, with how much self realization was had in that moment with me essentially understanding that what I was subconsciously trying to do/distinguish was the masculine/feminine dichotomy in myself and tailoring that to some ideal image of a gay man that I had pictured in my mind. 

 

I could probably write a thesis on why that was the way it was, but suffice to say that I'm pretty much over that now. I'm not perfect, and I still have my moments, but nowadays I'm more of a "whatever tickles your pickle" kind of guy.

 

Anyway, the perfect KISA for me, would have been Steve Cortez from Mass Effect 3. He's just a guy, living his life in the middle of a galaxy spanning war. Sure, he lost his husband but he never let that interfere with his job, and he didn't have some insurmountable backstory either. I only wish he had as much of a buildup as Kaidan throughout the series. He was cried at the loss and reminder of his husband (the second time you meet him in fact) and he was completely still able to function. I will admit that I have a secondary reason for loving him, and that is definitely his minority status. There's a post somewhere in the forum ether I made about how I felt when I first met him, and in summary, I very nearly lost it, due to there finally being a lowkey, darkskinned man who just happened to be gay. SO all in all, I don't mind some effeminate qualities, but for the sake of diversity in media, I would like to probably have a so called "straight acting" homosexual KISA, if not for our sake then for the sake of the brodudes who may not realize that we're not all cut from the same fabulous cloth.


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#1630
Grieving Natashina

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I adored Steve.  He was great in the main game, but watching him and Vega drink beer while watching a ball game was probably one of the best parts of the Citadel DLC for me.  It was delightfully comfortable and made Steve seem more like a real person.  Don't get me wrong, I love Dorian.  Steve though, is more of a relatable person to me.

 

Sorry that's all I have to add to such a thoughtful post, but I'm getting ready to have dinner with my family.


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#1631
Gaesesagai

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*snip*

 

Anyway, the perfect KISA for me, would have been Steve Cortez from Mass Effect 3.

 

*snip*

 

Sorry to chop your post like that, it's a great one, but you know saving space and whatnot  ^_^

 

And yes I forgot about Steve. Bioware did a great job with him. At that time I avoided the forums, so I don't know how well he was generally received, though I remember reading some crap here and there. He is quite... amazing, considering his skin, the fact that he is gay and married to a man. Pretty much a first on so many counts I was shocked. But he wasn't part of the companions so eh, baby steps... lol

 

Now on to the representation issue. It's a tricky one. On one hand you want representation because it's a good thing. But do you want a diverse representation? Do you want a representation that doesn't "disturb" the more... sensible people? And if you want diverse representation is it because you see that as being something good or because you're slightly uncofortable yourself with some members of the community?

 

In my humble opinion, wanting diversity for the sake of diversity is ok. It just means you want to see all kinds of people and that's great. Problem is, there are a few in our community who ask for more "manly gay men" to be represented simply because they themselves haven't moved on completely from a certain level of internalized homophobia and it makes them uncofortable to see the "effeminate gays". And that's not ok. This is the main reason I always raise an eyebrow when someone tells me we should have more "str8 acting" gays or "real men" gays in media (be it tv, movies, games. etc).

 

I don't think that's your case, at least from what I'm getting from your posts :) . As for the brodudes lol, it's not your issue (general you) that some think the gay is icky, it's their problem.

Anywho, what I'm saying is I would prefer representation that comes naturally, fitting the character and narative, as opposed to one that is reduced to making sure a certain hateful and agressive minority in the str8 community doesn't throw a fit because there's "too much icky gay" in the game.

 

So, unlike some in the community I don't have a problem that many gays are portrayed in media using the general "effeminate" type. Do I want a more diverse representation? Of course. And we are getting there. Slowly. Very slowly lol. But there are characters like Steve, or even Shepard and the DA protagonists, whom you can play as gay. There are gays on tv that don't fit the "effeminate" gay type at all, and so on. Progress.

 

In conclusion I agree with you wholeheartedly, Steve would make an amazing gay KISA. And with almost everything you said. With the exception of that last line "for the sake of the brodudes"... The brodudes who are nice, decent human beings, so you should care about their opinion, won't have a problem with that. The ones who will have a problem with it, are not worth consideration. It's that simple :)


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#1632
eyezonlyii

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Chopping posts is completely acceptable haha. 

 

But to clarify, I am asking for more diversity because otherwise the entire group gets homogenized. I mean, look at most of the gay characters on tv and in movies now. I mean according to the big leagues, we're fine when we want to give make overs and have snappy retorts while throwing massive amounts of shade, but where is my gay action hero? The gay who goes out to save the world and then gets the guy in the end?

 

Not only that, but there is the "Abercrombie" look that all the gay characters seem to have. Although on the flip side, as daveliam has pointed out, the gay characters in Bioware games have all been men of color, and then I mentioned that all of the KISA's have all been white guys, so it's definitely an interesting position to be in. I just think since lgbt people are stepping more into the spotlight now, why not bring everyone now instead of then having to spend even more time trying to add minorities back into the mix down the road. It does double duty, you get minority peoples who are typically more conservative with family lives used to seeing lgbt people and you get more minorities exposure for the predominately white/Caucasian audience who due to the way the projects work, generally aren't exposed to much diversity.

 

Again this I'm invoking the right to say that I'm not accusing ALL people of either category to be this way, but the general perception of either from the outside looking in. 


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#1633
Gaesesagai

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Chopping posts is completely acceptable haha. 

 

But to clarify, I am asking for more diversity because otherwise the entire group gets homogenized. I mean, look at most of the gay characters on tv and in movies now. I mean according to the big leagues, we're fine when we want to give make overs and have snappy retorts while throwing massive amounts of shade, but where is my gay action hero? The gay who goes out to save the world and then gets the guy in the end?

 

Not only that, but there is the "Abercrombie" look that all the gay characters seem to have. Although on the flip side, as daveliam has pointed out, the gay characters in Bioware games have all been men of color, and then I mentioned that all of the KISA's have all been white guys, so it's definitely an interesting position to be in. I just think since lgbt people are stepping more into the spotlight now, why not bring everyone now instead of then having to spend even more time trying to add minorities back into the mix down the road. It does double duty, you get minority peoples who are typically more conservative with family lives used to seeing lgbt people and you get more minorities exposure for the predominately white/Caucasian audience who due to the way the projects work, generally aren't exposed to much diversity.

 

Again this I'm invoking the right to say that I'm not accusing ALL people of either category to be this way, but the general perception of either from the outside looking in. 

 

Gah, out of likes for today  <_< lol.

Yeah I agree. The more we are in the spotlight the more diverse the diversity should be... so to speak  B)

 

As for the gay action hero who saves the world? Eh... he doesn't exist yet, outside of Bioware games that is... A Hollywood movie about Mass Effect with a gay Shepard? Not gonna happen. A simple action movie with a gay protagonist rambo or die hard style? Not gonna happen. Not any time soon sadly. And getting the guy at the end? The horror!

 

So we're stuck with Bioware if we want our save the galaxy get the guy (and then die  -_- ) type of hero... lol

 

But... what's wrong with the Abercrombie guys... me likey...  :unsure: (I'm so shallow...)

 

:lol:


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#1634
eyezonlyii

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I actually read last year sometime that Lee Daniels, the director for 12 Years a Slave, wanted to do a spy thriller movie with an intteracial gay couple starring Alex Pettyfer of Magic Mike fame.

 

I have no idea where that is now.



#1635
Battlebloodmage

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I actually read last year sometime that Lee Daniels, the director for 12 Years a Slave, wanted to do a spy thriller movie with an intteracial gay couple starring Alex Pettyfer of Magic Mike fame.
 
I have no idea where that is now.

Hubba hubba.

#1636
Gaesesagai

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I actually read last year sometime that Lee Daniels, the director for 12 Years a Slave, wanted to do a spy thriller movie with an intteracial gay couple starring Alex Pettyfer of Magic Mike fame.

 

I have no idea where that is now.

 

On top of a mountain, in an abandoned house, in a hidden secret drawer of a desk, behind a secret door.

Minutes... minutes I say, away from being put into fact...

:P

 

Edit: It's also guarded by a bear. And a wolf. No, 2 wolves. And a rabid bunny. Vicious rabid bunny to be exact.


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#1637
eyezonlyii

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On top of a mountain, in an abandoned house, in a hidden secret drawer of a desk, behind a secret door.

Minutes... minutes I say, away from being put into fact...

:P

So it's in the closet you say?



#1638
Gaesesagai

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So it's in the closet you say?

 

Yes!  :lol:



#1639
Vestus

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Soooo many great posts in such a short amount of time!  Here is my tie-in, starting with two words...

 

Kurt Hummel

 

Say what you want about Glee, his character is an inspiration. If you've never watched the show, then the profundity of his character will be lost in this brief summary. However, Kurt Hummel fits almost every conceivable gay stereotype that you can imagine, yet throughout the entirety of the show he is the paragon of moral and emotional strength to everyone around him. More to the point, he absolutely owns his uniqueness while simultaneously lifting others up.

 

That, to me, is what marks him as a KISA. And now for two more words...

 

Yin Yang

 

Perhaps the terms "masculine" and "feminine" should go the way of words like "Oriental" when it comes to describing people. However, the imbalance of the two in all of us, especially across the gender lines, is exactly what makes people so incredibly beautiful. But the truth is that the Yin and Yang are tendencies. Guys tend to be more aggressive. Gals tend to be more nurturing. And everyone these days tends to want to attack words instead of the underlying problem. Calling something feminine is only 'bad' if you are a misogynist/sexist. Otherwise it is merely acknowledging that something is naturally observed more frequently in females (not just human women).

 

 

So...

 

1) I generally prefer a man who outwardly displays masculinity.

2) What I find really attractive is when a man owns his femininity because he doesn't see it as negative.

3) And what is absolutely crucial is that he be an example of goodness to others.

 

Kurt Hummel makes 2 and 3 look easy, but he couldn't be more opposite from 1. And yet I found the character irresistibly attractive. I do not want to live in a world where we have divorced all tendencies from their association with gender. In that world, the beauty of a man displaying tenderness would be lost. The inspiration of a woman displaying battle prowess would be lost.

 

I simply want a world where the dichotomy of masculine/feminine is ubiquitously compared to cool/warm, instead of strong/weak. Then I still get to cry alongside a father holding his child for the first time. Instead of "Oh look, that guy just became a father. Someone grab him a tissue."

 

The KISA is different for each of us, but every version should inspire all of us. The attraction comes in how they embrace their masculine/feminine dichotomy. And if there is no precedent as to how you expect them to behave, there are no wonderful surprises... no disappointments... no beautiful differences. And that would just be sad.



#1640
Battlebloodmage

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Meh, if there is such a thing as gay agenda, it would be Glee. The show uses to focus about the underdogs. It seems like it's ok to make fun of Jewish, Asians, etc, but not with gays. I couldn't stand either Kurt and especially Blaine who hogs all the screentime. I prefer Max from Happy Ending if I were to think of a good gay portrayal. Him being gay is just secondary to his character. He also has a coming out episode where everyone were very accepting of him and it was funny at the same time. I guess we all have our own opinion when it comes to gays in the media. I don't need the media or anyone to remind me constantly how hard it is to be gay. I just want gays to live happily and not being judged and reminded constantly that being gay sucks. I turn to entertainment to escape from that.

#1641
Vestus

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Oh I have plenty complaints about Glee as well. But again, my focus was not Kurt's sexuality or his struggles with being gay.  My focus was on the fact that he consistently chose to take the moral high ground, displaying strength of character... despite being very young and having suffered tragedy.  I am saddened to hear that you found his character off-putting, as his sexuality ended up being nearly unimportant to me by the time I stopped watching the show.



#1642
daveliam

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Haha, he'd certainly like to think gas in a redeeming quality. But secretly, I know he wishes more people would admire him for being a Brony.

 

Now that I've had the time to read this thread more thoroughly, I've loved reading posts specifically from you, eyezonlii, daveliam, and sandalisthemaker.

 

Specifically, I now cannot read a single one of daveliam's posts without spending at least a few seconds staring at his profile picture.  The personalities in this thread have irrevocably turned me into a :wub: dwarf lover :wub: .  daveliam, stop being such a sexy dwarf, we're both married to handsome man-beasts already. :P

 

Ha!  Yeah, my dwarf is smexy.  Not going to lie.  I done good with that one.  Glad to see that I'm continuing to open people's eyes to the sexiness that is the dwarf!  And sandal and veeia are both firmly on the dwarf love train too!  Visit us in the dwarf support thread (in the story section).  It's my other favorite thread on the forums.

 


You criticize Aveline and Cassandra for displaying a "softer side."  You commented that you just want a woman who 'gets s*** done.' Which brings me to my two questions:

 

1) Are there any perceived feminine qualities that you would find admirable and alluring in a female KISA? Man-lovers, same question?

 

2) Do you feel that the perfect female KISA is one who portrays a lesbian woman who acts as freely and irreverently as the American straight white male?

 

Discuss!

 

I loved seeing people's reactions to this question.  For me, I tend to find more masculine traits to be attractive (and I'm fully aware that there is a ton of baggage - both good and bad - that comes along with this).  But I appreciate fully a guy who can embrace both sides of his personality.  I'm taking my husband to see Into the Woods tonight (a midnight showing) because he loves musical theater and is way more artistic and musical than I am.  Then tomorrow, he's going to take my truck in to get the battery fixed because he's also way more handy with mechanics and tools than I am.  And I love that about him.

 

For a KISA, I have a feeling that the character, male or female, would like be a little more masculine.  I look at the KISAs we've had so far and they have all been fairly masculine to a degree (including Aveline and Cassandra).  I wonder if that comes with the "knight" aspect of the KISA label.....?



#1643
veeia

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Haha, he'd certainly like to think gas in a redeeming quality. But secretly, I know he wishes more people would admire him for being a Brony.

Now that I've had the time to read this thread more thoroughly, I've loved reading posts specifically from you, eyezonlii, daveliam, and sandalisthemaker.

Specifically, I now cannot read a single one of daveliam's posts without spending at least a few seconds staring at his profile picture. The personalities in this thread have irrevocably turned me into a :wub: dwarf lover :wub: . daveliam, stop being such a sexy dwarf, we're both married to handsome man-beasts already. :P

Anyways, I realized that I derailed a conversation arc about a F/F KISA, and I found your comments, veeia, to be very intriguing regarding some of the female companions in the series (Aveline, Cassandra, Sigrun)

Hold on, cause this is gonna get deep... I'm gonna put most of this behind a spoiler because I'm long-winded. LOL

Spoiler


You criticize Aveline and Cassandra for displaying a "softer side." You commented that you just want a woman who 'gets s*** done.' Which brings me to my two questions:

1) Are there any perceived feminine qualities that you would find admirable and alluring in a female KISA? Man-lovers, same question?

2) Do you feel that the perfect female KISA is one who portrays a lesbian woman who acts as freely and irreverently as the American straight white male?

Discuss!

I think you're getting me confused with someone else, because I definitely do not mind female characters having a softer side...and while I agreed with some of that posters thoughts, I don't like the idea of stoic impenetrable woman...from my experiences, that's usually a woman who is lonely or burdened, and with Viv I thought they went so far as to ignore that, which made me sad.

I basically think Cassandra is perfect except for that unfortunate straight business, but no, I would say my ideal KISA lesbian doesn't act as carefree and irreverent as the American straight white male. I want to tear down the idea that such a personality is limited to a straight male. I want a woman who is funny, confident, vulnerable but not overly burdened by that, noble, kind, and grounded in a femininity that cannot be denied or ignored. I want her to care about and befriend other women, not just be one of the guys. I want her to be able to be silly and conflicted and sometimes even harsh or mean or flawed, but never without the ability to grow and never losing her core. I want her femaleness to not define her, but be a part of her as a KISA.

Also heck yeah, dwarves. :D
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#1644
XxPrincess(x)ThreatxX

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One thing that does make me sad from time to time: As a bisexual, I used to hear that a lot even from the rest of the LGBT community.  "You're actually gay/straight.  You haven't met right man/woman."  Now I get, "You can't be bi!  You're monogamous with a man, so surely you're straight now."  It's getting much better, but it definitely got old.


Yeah, ive always found it sad that ive actually received more abuse from gay/lesbian people for "being a traitor whose not gay enough" then from homophobic straight people :( the "bisexuality doesn't really exist, your just sexually confused" thing p*sses me off alot after hearing it so much
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#1645
veeia

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Oh god the bisexual erasure and hostility from some of the queer community is awful. Thank the maker everyone here is so kind and accepting. <3 I love this thread.
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#1646
In Exile

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Oh god the bisexual erasure and hostility from some of the queer community is awful. Thank the maker everyone here is so kind and accepting. <3 I love this thread.

 

That's why I kind of just prefer for people to think I'm whatever sexuality I'm supposed to be based on who I'm dating. It just avoids so much unpleasantness. Perhaps not the best attitude, but at least the least aggravating.



#1647
veeia

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I get that.

I'm a woman married to a man, and so I obviously don't get mad if people assume I'm straight (I'd be constantly mad), but it upsets me when people say I don't have a place in the community, like my past relationships with women don't count, like my attraction to women doesn't matter since I'm not going to act on it while monogamous, like I don't have a stake or care about these issues right now because I'm in a o/s relationship. It's a part of me, it will always be a part of me, and while I am perfectly content to let those currently experiencing the larger societal stigmas have the main stage because their voices are so important...I don't want to be shut out either. You can't start policing how "gay" someone has to be to be in a queer space unless you want to drive out people who legitimately belong there. Shrug, mic drop, mini rant over. :P
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#1648
daveliam

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I get that.

I'm a woman married to a man, and so I obviously don't get mad if people assume I'm straight (I'd be constantly mad), but it upsets me when people say I don't have a place in the community, like my past relationships with women don't count, like my attraction to women doesn't matter since I'm not going to act on it while monogamous, like I don't have a stake or care about these issues right now because I'm in a o/s relationship. It's a part of me, it will always be a part of me, and while I am perfectly content to let those currently experiencing the larger societal stigmas have the main stage because their voices are so important...I don't want to be shut out either. You can't start policing how "gay" someone has to be to be in a queer space unless you want to drive out people who legitimately belong there. Shrug, mic drop, mini rant over. :P

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Here, here!


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#1649
Vestus

Vestus
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Actually this is something I really disliked about Cassandra and Aveline - that they had to have a soft side in order to be accepted as being female. Personally, I really want to see a hard-ass female character that doesn't have a secret feminine side and just gets sh*t done. Sorta like a less campy version of Vivienne.

 

Found it...

 

I think you're getting me confused with someone else, because I definitely do not mind female characters having a softer side...

 

That's what I get for trying to absorb 60 pages of conversation in a mad rush.  I apologize sincerely for that careless mismatch.

 

Thank you so much for sharing your awesome opinions anyways. Hawt dwarves foreva! :D



#1650
In Exile

In Exile
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I get that.

I'm a woman married to a man, and so I obviously don't get mad if people assume I'm straight (I'd be constantly mad), but it upsets me when people say I don't have a place in the community, like my past relationships with women don't count, like my attraction to women doesn't matter since I'm not going to act on it while monogamous, like I don't have a stake or care about these issues right now because I'm in a o/s relationship. It's a part of me, it will always be a part of me, and while I am perfectly content to let those currently experiencing the larger societal stigmas have the main stage because their voices are so important...I don't want to be shut out either. You can't start policing how "gay" someone has to be to be in a queer space unless you want to drive out people who legitimately belong there. Shrug, mic drop, mini rant over. :P

 

I understand entirely. :)

I'm not especially community oriented, and so it's been a bit easier for me in that regard. Less easy, perhaps, in finding a chosen partner but as I get older I realize that my sexuality is better defined by the kind of sex I like and my aesthetic preference in a human body than strictly speaking gender, which recently has made me wonder that the hell label I should apply. I'm really picky in what I like, and aesthetic looks matter a lot.

 

Like the IB. There is no possible personality that would make that body attractive for me. It just is a no-go. Cassandra, in contrast, would probably have to be the offensively racist, homophobic or something equally morally objectionable for me to not be attracted to her.

 

I just find labels frustrating, as a result, because the second I give myself one the second everyone starts expecting things from me. It also maybe doesn't help that recently I've hung around a circle of people that are relatively poly and I've had to give the Sera "It's not you, but it's you" speech a fair bit. :S


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