1942 réponses à ce sujet

[Seraphim24]

Several questions

 

1. How do demisexuals feel about mainstream kind of media like Frozen, Mulan, whatever, the Disney classical romantic epics.

 

2. How do demisexuals/asexuals feel about typical mainstream kind of dating norms? (Hey! Would you like to get ice cream with me someday?)

 

3. How do demisexuals/asexuals feel are the differences between them and the above 2 if they already like the same kinds of things?

 

I'm just going to answer (and not necessarily identifying as anything)

 

1. Pretty amazing

2. Even though it's considered "old fashioned," still kinda the best way to do things probably IMO.

3. The tendency to think and view the world and clinically inspect sexual desires and urges, in comparison to just doing those things and kind of letting go of all the reasons and justifications.

[Hanako Ikezawa]

1. How do demisexuals feel about mainstream kind of media like Frozen, Mulan, whatever, the Disney classical romantic epics.

What do you mean by "feel about"? Do you mean the entire story or just the romance part? 

[Gwydden]

It is not thinking that sexual desire is distasteful (In fact I personally is in it is super boring category). 

My two cents...

 

I'm neither asexual nor demisexual. My libido works just fine. BUT, I did come around sexuality pretty late. I was mostly if not completely indifferent to the whole thing until I was fifteen and a half, and I tended to look down on people who were interested in the whole thing. I distinctly remember being asked once about what kind of person I'd like to marry and answering I didn't plan to marry. The girl I was talking with assumed I was gay, but I corrected her saying I didn't plan to engage in any romantic relationship, ever. She then assumed I wanted to be some kind of Casanova, and I just looked in bafflement. I also remember three perfectly good looking girls ganging up to grope me in middle school and me not feeling the remotest arousal. It didn't even cross my mind to frame the situation in something other than 'teasing'.

 

Of course, after barely bothering to even visit for most of my puberty my libido exploded early in my sophomore year, in a very arbitrary fashion. And it was quite the epiphany, too. So that's what all the fuss was about! I suppose it is like what they say about food, that I may love olives and you may hate them, but you cannot really experience what olives taste like to me. And as such, I've met many aces who, in one way or another, just don't get sex, or rather the want for sex. I can relate, because I was there once, kinda. And I even can relate to a certain 'above it all' attitude I've seen from some, because when you're not interested in something it's easy to find it silly.

 

I'm kind of glad it took its sweet-ass time with me. It spared me many of the problems I was told came with adolescence.

[Seraphim24]

What do you mean by "feel about"? Do you mean the entire story or just the romance part? 

 

It might be easier to just focus on the romance aspect I guess, but I was thinking the entire story.

 

Really I was just trying to invite discussion on the possibility demi/asexuals are unique in having an interest in both gaming subculture things but also more "mainstream" things on relatively equal terms. In my experience many gamers etc often have a pretty strong hostility towards those things.

 

Of course, after barely bothering to even visit for most of my puberty my libido exploded early in my sophomore year, in a very arbitrary fashion. And it was quite the epiphany, too. So that's what all the fuss was about! I suppose it is like what they say about food, that I may love olives and you may hate them, but you cannot really experience what olives taste like to me. And as such, I've met many aces who, in one way or another, just don't get sex, or rather the want for sex. I can relate, because I was there once, kinda. And I even can relate to a certain 'above it all' attitude I've seen from some, because when you're not interested in something it's easy to find it silly.

 

I'm kind of glad it took its sweet-ass time with me. It spared me many of the problems I was told came with adolescence.

 

You said your libido exploded but do you mean you just found a way to have amazing orgasms or you literally had lots of sex with random strangers or something? Without context it's kind of hard to understand where you are coming from, If it's the former it actually fits my hyper-sensitive to sex not numb to sex theory of a/demisexuality. It's like the circumstances in which sexual attraction develop can be fairly narrow, or extremely narrow, but once inside that range the desire is like supernaturally intense.

[esper]

@Kefka:

 

1. Depends on the individual taste of course

 

2. Again, personality of the person and have zilch to with the libido. (Unless we are talking sex, but you did specify dating norms) Also dating norms are different from country to countrey.

 

3. They are not sexually attracted to a person. That's the difference. How they handle it comes down to indiviual experience, personality and awareness.

[Seraphim24]

@Kaisershep:

 

1. Depends on the individual taste of course

 

2. Again, personality of the person and have zilch to with the libido. (Unless we are talking sex, but you did specify dating norms) Also dating norms are different from country to countrey.

 

3. They are not sexually attracted to a person. That's the difference. How they handle it comes down to indiviual experience, personality and awareness.

 

Hm well I'm not Kaisershep but I think you were responding to me, but my point was just there is this overlap between a lot of really conventional dating/attraction practices and the desires of demi/asexuals but for whatever reason they view themselves as this separate group.

[Andraste_Reborn]

Really I was just trying to invite discussion on the possibility demi/asexuals are unique in having an interest in both gaming subculture things but also more "mainstream" things on relatively equal terms. In my experience many gamers etc often have a pretty strong hostility towards those things.

 

I don't think one has much to do with the other. I'm not asexual, but I enjoy the odd Disney film. (Despite being aromantic. So, yeah. I doubt there's a link.)

[esper]

Yup, sorry, Kefka, I can't get the qoutes to Work. So I sadly can't quoute. (It also randomly captilize Words)

 

The view themselv as different because of how their ability to be sexually work, but no group of sexuality is a hive mind and so have different taste. Where a asexual/demi would have trouble is when it comes to get Down to the nasty or physical in the courtship so to speak where there properly is a need for a serious talk with significant other to make sure expectation is the same for both parts. 

[Seraphim24]

I don't think one has much to do with the other. I'm not asexual, but I enjoy the odd Disney film. (Despite being aromantic. So, yeah. I doubt there's a link.)

 

Well there's some logic to it the Disney movies (the cool ones anyway) tend to emphasize relationships of kind of extreme emotional connection as antecedent to desire (although they also don't really display sexual desire generally) and a lot of video games have a pretty casual or otherwise more casual view (including Bioware games).

 

Er isn't aromantic similar to asexual?

 

Yup, sorry, Kefka, I can't get the qoutes to Work. So I sadly can't quoute. (It also randomly captilize Words)

 

The view themselv as different because of how their ability to be sexually work, but no group of sexuality is a hive mind and so have different taste. Where a asexual/demi would have trouble is when it comes to get Down to the nasty or physical in the courtship so to speak where there properly is a need for a serious talk with significant other to make sure expectation is the same for both parts. 

 

Lol you are crazy if you think no one has trouble when it gets to the nasty or physical, the only thing is the demi/asexuals realize that fact.

[Andraste_Reborn]

Er isn't aromantic similar to asexual?

 

Sorta. Asexual = doesn't feel sexual attraction. Aromantic = doesn't feel romantic attraction. Some people are both. Some people are just one or the other, and that's me.

[Handsome Jack]

Well there's some logic to it the Disney movies (the cool ones anyway) tend to emphasize relationships of kind of extreme emotional connection as antecedent to desire (although they also don't really display sexual desire generally) and a lot of video games have a pretty casual or otherwise more casual view (including Bioware games).

 

Er isn't aromantic similar to asexual?

 

 

Lol you are crazy if you think no one has trouble when it gets to the nasty or physical, the only thing is the demi/asexuals realize that fact.

 

I wish we'd call "asexuality" with it really is; erectile dysfunction.

 

Nah, but really, I don't understand asexuality or demisexuality as a concept. I'm not sure how legit it is in theory, personally.

[Seraphim24]

I wish we'd call "asexuality" with it really is; erectile dysfunction.

 

Whenever I heard of asexuality I always thought it was kind of absurd, like, zero sexual desire? That just seemed impossible, sexual desire is like the font of life.

 

However, the idea of people that are this "demisexual" situation, where it's no, there is sexual desire but it's just they want it to be a genuinely hot situation, where both people are feeling it etc, makes some sense to me.

 

Like if someone doesn't get turned on by some random (not necessarily attractive) college girl dancing in her room naked and then having some random pizza guy or whatever come in and bang her, or just having 2 lesbians make out sloppily, or some old guy put his member in some other middle aged girls mouth, or whatever qualifies as sexually exciting for people, I don't know if that's erectile dysfunction to not respond to those things, that might just be good taste.

 

I've seen people get off to the most ridiculous things honestly, so a failure to get off needs to be context specific.

 

Sorta. Asexual = doesn't feel sexual attraction. Aromantic = doesn't feel romantic attraction. Some people are both. Some people are just one or the other, and that's me.

 

Either way you don't sound like a case study for someone who is your stereotypical gamer/geek as far as liking things outside the norm.

 

Nah, but really, I don't understand asexuality or demisexuality as a concept. I'm not sure how legit it is in theory, personally.

 

I'm not really sure either, in fact I'd never heard of it before this thread, but I think that's partly why this thread exists. I started off not really persuaded but there's a lot of things it would explain.

[esper]

Oh, I do think that many properly have problem with that, but there is a different expectation as to when it is normal to move a more physical to that level (compared to different subcultures and cultures) and perhaps even never arriving to that point.

 

Expectation is important in a relantionship. Of course this is something most people mess up, anyway.

 

And yes there is no sexual desire. At least towards other people or thing or animals. (It can get really complicated and AVEN explains the nuances much better than I can).

[Seraphim24]

Oh, I do think that many properly have problem with that, but there is a different expectation as to when it is normal to move a more physical to that level (compared to different subcultures and cultures) and perhaps even never arriving to that point.

 

Expectation is important in a relantionship. Of course this is something most people mess up, anyway.

 

And yes there is no sexual desire. At least towards other people or thing or animals. (It can get really complicated and AVEN explains the nuances much better than I can).

 

It's curious you would be here in the demisexual thread then, considering it's not your orientation, as it's one where sexual desire can or at least does exist in certain instances.

[esper]

Demi, ace and aro sort of hang out together and I've talked with al lot as a result, we face a lot of the same prejudice. Besides, I am grey-ace

 

Anyway, I was not aware that it was a requriment for hanging out in this thread? You are not demi or ace either, are you?

[Hanako Ikezawa]

Anyway, I was not aware that it was a requriment for hanging out in this thread? 

It's not. Anyone is allowed to be here, so long as their posts stay constructive and civil. 

[Dieb]

Did not expect there to be a pornography discussion on this thread. 

 

I know right?!

 

I stumble in to post gifs, and there it is - end of the rainbow, pot of gold.

 

Sometimes life grabs you by the balls and shows you what fun is.

[Seraphim24]

Demi, ace and aro sort of hang out together and I've talked with al lot as a result, we face a lot of the same prejudice. Besides, I am grey-ace

 

Anyway, I was not aware that it was a requriment for hanging out in this thread? You are not demi or ace either, are you?

 

No not at all! I was just implying that people's desires for definitions and clarity sometimes overruns their natural experiences (as at least in that one other poster formerly identifying as asexual with their epiphanies). I was just hinting that your interest in the subject might be simply that you yourself have not ruled out the sexual attraction may never occur in your life.

 

As for me I don't really label myself anything ever, but I generally find myself only desiring sex in very particular circumstances with generally a specific person so this whole thing is at least interesting to me. I am completely capable of seeing naked bodies attractive people whatever sex etc and feeling nothing at all. On the other hand, I definitely have not never experienced sexual attraction, but it definitely seems unlike a lot of people the exact way that it works for me.

 

I'd be curious what for example you consider an instance of an asexual (or demisexual character) or whatever for example.

[esper]

I have always believed that sexuality is more fluid that most people give it credit for.

 

In the perfect nobody would need any kind of a label, because nobody would think to question another's life experience (unless it was a hurtfull one of course), but the perfect world does not exist and so labels can help give a sense of community something can be sorely needed.

 

It is the same with representation in games and another entertain mediums. It can help to lessen the feeling of being wrong and different. Of course to much token representation or too much of the same tropes can create a false perception of how all of certain miniority or even majority acts (idiot father for example.)

 

That is why my perfect presentation of a demi or ace is not someone who is shy or timid (like Merill). I want someone who is confident in themselves and what they are (though they need not use the Words/labels).

[Gwydden]

You said your libido exploded but do you mean you just found a way to have amazing orgasms or you literally had lots of sex with random strangers or something? Without context it's kind of hard to understand where you are coming from, If it's the former it actually fits my hyper-sensitive to sex not numb to sex theory of a/demisexuality. It's like the circumstances in which sexual attraction develop can be fairly narrow, or extremely narrow, but once inside that range the desire is like supernaturally intense.

Basically what you would expect of puberty. I went from being rather disinterested in the whole thing to feeling horny and wanting to 'scratch the itch' so to speak. I also started paying more attention to women in that way.

I didn't actually meet someone I was attracted to/had my first crush until more than a year after that.

I think ultimately attraction is a complex issue affected by many biological and cultural factors. It's hard to label. To this day personality is a Big Deal when it comes to whether I'm attracted to someone physically, but I wouldn't call myself demisexual.

[Maiden Ty One]

I've been aware of demisexuality for a while, and I have to say, I'm not even sure how this would be implemented in a videogame. :S

 

What I mean is, most of the romance-able characters in all Bioware's games could be demisexual. There's nothing to indicate or imply that they're not.

 

The problem is demisexuality is something that only stands out because of the qualities/traits it doesn't have, rather than the ones it does. It's something that would almost only ever become apparent to someone if the demisexual in question felt the need to announce it to people. If a demisexual didn't tell you they were demisexual, you would likely never know. Even if you engaged in a real life romance with them, you likely wouldn't see any signs until years into the relationship.

 

So if you had a demisexual character in ME4, for instance, I'm not sure how such a romance would be any different from any of the other X-sexual romances. You would still have to do the exact same things, and the results would be very similar. The only difference I can foresee is if the demisexual character at some point just goes "Oh, by the way, I'm demisexual, donchya know?" and Shepard 2 goes "Oh, interesting..." :/

 

The thing is, while demisexuality, in the real world at least, has many differences with other sexualities, when you actually analyse it, those differences are actually trivial, whereas the similarities are profound.

[Seraphim24]

I have always believed that sexuality is more fluid that most people give it credit for.

 

In the perfect nobody would need any kind of a label, because nobody would think to question another's life experience (unless it was a hurtfull one of course), but the perfect world does not exist and so labels can help give a sense of community something can be sorely needed.

 

It is the same with representation in games and another entertain mediums. It can help to lessen the feeling of being wrong and different. Of course to much token representation or too much of the same tropes can create a false perception of how all of certain miniority or even majority acts (idiot father for example.)

 

That is why my perfect presentation of a demi or ace is not someone who is shy or timid (like Merill). I want someone who is confident in themselves and what they are (though they need not use the Words/labels).

 

I didn't say labeling was so inherently wrong, I just said I don't bother with it for myself.

 

 

I've been aware of demisexuality for a while, and I have to say, I'm not even sure how this would be implemented in a videogame. :S

 

What I mean is, most of the romance-able characters in all Bioware's games could be demisexual. There's nothing to indicate or imply that they're not.

 

The problem is demisexuality is something that only stands out because of the qualities/traits it doesn't have, rather than the ones it does. It's something that would almost only ever become apparent to someone if the demisexual in question felt the need to announce it to people. If a demisexual didn't tell you they were demisexual, you would likely never know. Even if you engaged in a real life romance with them, you likely wouldn't see any signs until years into the relationship.

 

So if you had a demisexual character in ME4, for instance, I'm not sure how such a romance would be any different from any of the other X-sexual romances. You would still have to do the exact same things, and the results would be very similar. The only difference I can foresee is if the demisexual character at some point just goes "Oh, by the way, I'm demisexual, donchya know?" and Shepard 2 goes "Oh, interesting..." :/

 

The thing is, while demisexuality, in the real world at least, has many differences with other sexualities, when you actually analyse it, those differences are actually trivial, whereas the similarities are profound.

 

Ehhhh well that probably has more to do with the other relationships being represented somewhat dishonestly (or at least ignoring just how they deal with sex exactly). It seems to me frequently many of the Bioware games have this kind of demisexual aspiration to them.

 

If Mass Effect showed just how much sex or frequently so and so was getting turned on such and such character was the whole time it would probably make picking out the "demisexual" character really easy.

 

Also you mentioned that difference of "Oh I'm demisexual" which well, it would still count in many ways.

 

That's kind of an absurd idea though so... /shrug. DA:2 I think was more explicit about all that.

 

The reality is that there are huge, massive, discrepancies in how people approach sex and sexuality such that demisexual stands out.

[warblewobble]

Wow, this thread is still going? Cool beans.

 

Honestly, I don't think it's all that complicated to represent a demisexual character. All you need to do is work with a character with an established history- just have them state that they tend to not be into relationships unless they feel personally and emotionally connected to someone. QED.

 

I put forth this idea some months back as well- apologies for the redundancy- but it illustrates a greater point: the best way to represent a given sexuality is to create  a character of said sexuality who is sexually confident and can explain their stance. Bioware excels with gay characters, for instance, (and has since at least Jade Empire) because they have said characters simply state their preferences.

[Seraphim24]

How do demisexuals feel about like marriage and those kinds of monogamous norms and things generally?

[Hanako Ikezawa]

I can only answer for me, but: 

1. How do demisexuals feel about mainstream kind of media like Frozen, Mulan, whatever, the Disney classical romantic epics.

Since I know you mean specifically the romance subplot of these movies, they are hit and miss. For example Cinderella they don't even know each other's names before he looks for her. Disney, especially older Disney, was famous/infamous for these kinds of relationships. Not saying they aren't sweet stories, but they are not demisexual in nature if that's what you're asking. Now an example of a Disney romance that can be seen as more demi is the one in Beauty and the Beast. The guy is literally a monster in appearance, but after months of spending time with him and building a connection does Belle finally start falling for him.

 

2. How do demisexuals/asexuals feel about typical mainstream kind of dating norms? (Hey! Would you like to get ice cream with me someday?)

 

3. How do demisexuals/asexuals feel are the differences between them and the above 2 if they already like the same kinds of things?

From the OP. It will probably answer better than I can: 

Spoiler

6. Flirting doesn’t make sense to you.  

 

Maybe it goes right over your head, or it makes you uncomfortable. The idea of flirting seems pointless—why do that when you can have a proper, deep conversation and get to the know the person instead? Maybe when someone gets flirty, you just have no idea how to respond and would prefer to run in the other direction. You feel frustrated that you can’t just talk to someone normally—why do they have to hit on you? Your friends point out that people were flirting with you or checking out out later, or you realize only belatedly. You tend to avoid situations, like parties or clubs, where you can expect lots of flirting, and if you do, you’re either on high alert or happily oblivious.

 

7. You’re nervous about dating and would prefer to date your friends.  

 

Maybe you’d like to be in a relationship, but the whole casual dating thing doesn’t appeal to you. How can people have sex with someone after only a few dates? How can they have sex with someone they just met? Do people really expect sex on the first date? Yikes!

You can only do long term relationships, because you seek great emotional intimacy before getting physical, if at all. You find the whole idea of dating different people daunting or too much effort. Sometimes you end up in relationships without really feeling attracted to the person.

The idea of dating your friends may make more sense to you because you only develop sexual feelings towards people you know well. Maybe you find yourself developing sexual attraction after becoming close friends with someone.