1942 réponses à ce sujet

[Hanako Ikezawa]

Is there some overlap and redundancy occasionally? Yes, that's why they often ally/are grouped together, but that seems to be the general way it's defined. Sexuality is fluid and hard to define, but these words give some ways for people to think about it, which can be helpful. Mostly it just comes down to what people want to call themselves.

Very well said. Sexual orientation is a spectrum, so just like there are a million shades of grey between black and white, there are many shades of orientations between the generalized orientations. The terms we have are more like just ways for people to have a good starting point at finding what they are, similar to how the color spectrum having generalized colors helps one find the particular shade of color they need.  

[Lenimph]

This isn't an orientation though. This is a romantic preference, and that's why there isn't a D in the LGBTQA alphabet soup.

[Gothfather]

BEING BISEXUAL DOES NOT DISQUALIFY SOMEONE FROM BEING "DEMISEXUAL" WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU?!

 

This is a perfect example of the dichotomy of how we precieve ourselves and how others precieve us. Something that has been lost in the quest for self identiy is the acceptance that people are not actually going to reach the same conclusions about sexuality or gender identity or anything really. Nothing can fix the fact that people when they look at themselves do not see what we see in them. Our image of ourselves is always different of their image of us, its not being rude its not marginalizing you its the fact that people simply don't reach the same conclusion. And people have to make sense of the world they live in, they have to process their enviorment in terms that make sense to them and that might not be how you process the world.

 

People just need to accept their self image is going to be different from what other people see. And what you see of a person will be different than how they see themselves. You can NEVER remove this dichotomy. And frankly no one is right or wrong. You don't "own" the image that people precieve about you. Own your own self image but accept its different from what others see of you.

[Hanako Ikezawa]

This isn't an orientation though. This is a romantic preference, and that's why there isn't a D in the LGBTQA alphabet soup.

It is an orientation, not a preference. And the Q that stands for 'Queer' is apparently used for all the orientations that are not listed in the acronym. 

[Lenimph]

It is an orientation, not a preference. And the Q that stands for 'Queer' is apparently used for all the orientations that are not listed in the acronym.

• Sexual orientation, the direction of an individual's sexuality with respect to the sex of the persons the individual finds sexually attractive

Also I'm done. Thank god I have a pride center at my university where I don't have to rely on the INTERNET and tumblrinas as my queer counselors. 

 

Thank Andraste. Good night everyone and remember... labels are only a facade.

[eyezonlyii]

Hey now, just as we asked for peace in the KISA thread, we should extend the same courtesy to this thread whether or not you agree with or understand the subject matter.

[veeia]

I think this is a good read here, which talks about the usefulness/validity of demisexuality, as well as its place in the larger queer movement. 

[MzHyde]

The way I have been explained it:

 

Asexuals can be in sexual relationships when romantically attached, but they are largely indifferent to the sexual aspect of it or enjoy it on a physical level, but don't seek it out or feel the need for it.  Some are sex repulsed. 

So, asexuals can feel physical pleasure from sex but not like, the emotional "bonding" that others can feel from it? They don't really have a "sex drive" per say? Am I understanding this? If so, it doesn't really sound like they'd ever really want to have sex at all. It sounds as though such an experience might even be upsetting for some (the sex repulsed.) Wow, that would be so alienating, especially in a society where sex is literally everywhere. My heart goes out.

 

As per demisexual versus asexual, the demis can feel sexual attraction, but only after establishing a strong emotional bond. Asexuals can feel romantically attached, but never experience sexual arousal period. Uh, that right?

[veeia]

Well, I was just trying to allow for a large range of possibilities within an ace "definition", because there's a huge variation. I think most would say they do feel the emotional bonding more than physical, and that's one reason why they'd want to do it if they were with someone who was not asexual. Or if they were. Idk, like, it hugely varies. 

 

I'm not ace, so I don't feel comfortable defining hard and fast lines, I'm just trying to recite some of the things that I have been told...maybe it's better if I defer out to some resources. This might be helpful to read!

[XMissWooX]

The asexual spectrum is complicated but it's really not all *that* difficult to understand. I think some people simply prefer to be dismissive of others because it's requires little effort on their part.

And interestingly, one can be heteroromantic/biromantic/panromantic/homoromantic/aromantic *and* heterosexual/bisexual/pansexual/homosexual/asexual since romantic attraction and sexual attraction are two separate things.

[slimgrin]

 

A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. 

 

 

Son, I am disappoint.

[MzHyde]

Well, I was just trying to allow for a large range of possibilities within an ace "definition", because there's a huge variation. I think most would say they do feel the emotional bonding more than physical, and that's one reason why they'd want to do it if they were with someone who was not asexual. Or if they were. Idk, like, it hugely varies. 

 

I'm not ace, so I don't feel comfortable defining hard and fast lines, I'm just trying to recite some of the things that I have been told...maybe it's better if I defer out to some resources. This might be helpful to read!

I get where my confusion was coming from now. I was thinking of sex drive and sexual orientation as the same thing. I had no idea one could have an undirected libido. Man, this stuff is fairly complicated.

 

Thanks for the link. Think I'ma hafta look over that a few more times before it all sinks in.

[berrieh]

I don't really understand the confusion. The OP is extremely thorough (if you read it all) and I've never heard of this, but it seems very clear to me:

 

*asexual - no interest in sex; no direct sexual attraction or ability to be turned on by someone's appearance; no secondary sexual attraction based on emotional bonds; this does not mean sex is physically unpleasant to them per se, but they have no real sex drive to speak of.

 

*demi-sexual - no interest in sex through primary attraction but does experience sexual attraction only when a deep bond has been formed (this does not merely mean they wait to make a romantic move or wait to have sex, but that the attraction actually never occurs to them prior; and it's not in one case, like "I never saw you that way" but "that way" never existed before)

 

*sexual (for lack of a better term) - interested in sex, with a sex drive somewhere in the average spectrum, and capable of both primary attraction (being turned on by someone physically or who has obvious qualities that are attractive, before a deep bond is formed) and secondary attraction (being sexually interested someone with whom you have a deep bond with) 

 

Perhaps - If there are people not who just fear emotional bonds and avoid commitment but actually lose sexual attraction whenever they form a deep bond, that may be a forth dimension of sexuality. 

 

I agree that I don't think this spectrum is quite the same as homosexuality/heterosexuality spectrum, just because it's not going to have a societal impact and thus any related discrimination will likely be fairly rare and/or personal, rather than systematic. But as to writing a character (the point of this thread), it could be an interesting spectrum to consider. 

 

I'm sure some of the existing romance options need to be romantically involved with the Inquisitor before taking a roll in the hay. That has been the case with every DA game so far.  With that in mind it seems what is really being asked is for some of those potential LIs to self-identity as demisexual as well. While I'm okay with real people self-identifying however they like, I don't think any characters in the game should describe themselves as demisexual. 

 

I'm not seeing a distinction between people who self-identify as demisexual and people who are either attracted to the opposite or same sex (or both), who just don't take sex lightly. Also the term was invented in the internet age by a 15 year old girl on a roleplay forum. It would be out of place in DA dialogue, in my opinion.

 

FTR, I don't think the OP needed the LI to use the word demi-sexual. Nor would a portrayal necessarily do that. I can't recall either game ever using the word bisexual either, frankly. Maybe this one will, or pan-sexual, but it's more likely characters won't be walking around saying, "I'm a pansexual" (I don't mind if they do, unless it's bad writing) and instead will just be a pansexual. 

 

The case for Merrill as demi-sexual can certainly be made, based on OP's parameters, but it's not about "not taking sex lightly." That's a value system, not a function of attraction. I don't think you can consider any other LI demi-sexual. 

[Blisscolas]

I read the OP and then skipped a little bit through the pages because of reasons so I don't know if this was adressed.

 

Isn't being demisexual the same as falling in love with someone because of their personality? and sex comes after (or not)? I don't really get why there needs to be a word for this. Can someone enlighten me?

[berrieh]

I read the OP and then skipped a little bit through the pages because of reasons so I don't know if this was adressed.

 

Isn't being demisexual the same as falling in love with someone because of their personality? and sex comes after (or not)? I don't really get why there needs to be a word for this. Can someone enlighten me?

 

It's not about love.

 

Most people experience sexual attraction to someone they do not have a deep bond with. They may never pursue this attraction, they might not even know the person or even have seen them in real life (celebrities, for instance), but they experience attraction. They look at someone and are attracted, or they see something outward about their personality (funny, witty) or status and are attracted. They aren't necessarily in love. They just feel attraction. 

 

Demisexuals don't feel this. However, they do feel attraction but only to someone they have already developed a deep bond with. They literally wouldn't experience crushes (except maybe to a close friend) or find movie stars attractive (they may be able to state who has objective beauty, etc) or feel a spark with someone they met. It's a different attraction pattern. If you don't experience primary attraction, you likely have no drive to flirt, date, etc, especially not before you first experience secondary attraction. 

 

Many people have values that predispose them to favor secondary attraction (attraction to someone you have a bond with) over primary attraction (attraction to more outward features, including but not limited to looks; technically some parts of "personality" fall here too). That is not the same thing as not being able to experience primary attraction. Women in particular are socialized this way; thus the question earlier in the thread "Are more women demisexuals?" That is likely unknowable, but really the question stems from the way women have been socialized to show attraction, not the way they actually are experiencing it. 

 

Additionally, some people enter relationships through secondary attraction (without primary attraction to THAT person - like they thought of the person as a friend at first, but attraction grew) but that does not mean they've never experienced primary attraction. A general sex drive comes from primary attraction, though a sex drive in a relationship could come from secondary attraction or a mix of primary and secondary attraction. 

 

I'm not demisexual, so someone correct me if I'm wrong, but this is what I get. 

[Elissiaro]

Actually, you can let Merrill down easy if she comes to the house. One of the options makes Hawke say that she's like a sister to him/her.

 

I didn't get that option as far as I can remember... But maybe that's cause it was an accidental rivalmance and not friendmance. Or maybe it was an earlier choice. That, came before the whole hearfelt confession.... Or something.

[Blisscolas]

 

Demisexuals don't feel this. However, they do feel attraction but only to someone they have already developed a deep bond with. They literally wouldn't experience crushes (except maybe to a close friend) or find movie stars attractive (they may be able to state who has objective beauty, etc) or feel a spark with someone they met. It's a different attraction pattern. If you don't experience primary attraction, you likely have no drive to flirt, date, etc, especially not before you first experience secondary attraction. 

 

I'm not demisexual, so someone correct me if I'm wrong, but this is what I get. 

 

 

So if I get it right....If you're demisexual you feel attracted to someone who is close to you (let's say best friend)? So let's say you're good friends with someone and then suddenly think "hey I'm kinda attracted to you"? I guess my question is also what's so special about it?

 

P.S. : I'd like to add before someone says that I'm being agressive and ignorant that this is not my intention. I would just like to understand how did this "process" (for a lack of a better word) became something that gets a name (like homosexuality, transexuality, bisexuality, heterosexuality). I understand it as another way of approaching a relationship with someone rather than something that defines sexual orientation....but I could be misunderstanding the point here. In which case once again "I'm here to learn not scorn"

[Semyaza82]

So if I get it right....If you're demisexual you feel attracted to someone who is close to you (let's say best friend)? So let's say you're good friends with someone and then suddenly think "hey I'm kinda attracted to you"? I guess my question is also what's so special about it?

 

P.S. : I'd like to add before someone says that I'm being agressive and ignorant that this is not my intention. I would just like to understand how did this "process" (for a lack of a better word) became something that gets a name (like homosexuality, transexuality, bisexuality, heterosexuality). I understand it as another way of approaching a relationship with someone rather than something that defines sexual orientation....but I could be misunderstanding the point here. In which case once again "I'm here to learn not scorn"

I think the difference (and if i'm wrong someone please tell me) is that while someone straight, gay or bi might well become attracted to someone after developing a close relationship that close relationship isn't necessary for sexual attraction. You could also just see an attractive person (of whatever gender does it for you) on TV for example and be sexual attracted to them. For a demiseuxal that wouldn't be the case, the close relationship would be needed first.

[Jeremiah12LGeek]

I want them to have it tattooed on their forehead.

 

Shouldn't your avatar be the one doing the tattooing?

[Blisscolas]

I think the difference (and if i'm wrong someone please tell me) is that while someone straight, gay or bi might well become attracted to someone after developing a close relationship that close relationship isn't necessary for sexual attraction. You could also just see an attractive person (of whatever gender does it for you) on TV for example and be sexual attracted to them. For a demiseuxal that wouldn't be the case, the close relationship would be needed first.

 

Yeah but how is this different from a heterosexual/gay/bi person who needs a close relationship before entering a sexual one? (assuming that they did not feel sexually attracted at first by the person). Can a Heterosexual person be demisexual?

[Elissiaro]

Yeah but how is this different from a heterosexual/gay/bi person who needs a close relationship before entering a sexual one? (assuming that they did not feel sexually attracted at first by the person). Can a Heterosexual person be demisexual?

 

If I understand correctly, you can be demisexual and only feel sexual attraction to the opposite sex (if you know them well), or the same sex (if you know them well), or both genders (if you know them well).

So yeah, you can be a heterosexual demisexual. Called Demi-Heterosexual or something.

[Semyaza82]

Yeah but how is this different from a heterosexual/gay/bi person who needs a close relationship before entering a sexual one? (assuming that they did not feel sexually attracted at first by the person). Can a Heterosexual person be demisexual?

I'm far from an expert, so again, if i get something wrong someone correct me. You can be demisexual and only have attraction to one gender, or demisexual and have it for both. And the difference between actually be demisexual and a straight/gay/bi person who needs a close relationship before having sex is the attraction part. A hypothetical straight person who doesn't ever have sex outside of a relationship is still sexual attracted to people of the opposite gender - whether or not they intend to act on it. A demisexual would not feel that attraction without the relationship.

[Blisscolas]

I'm far from an expert, so again, if i get something wrong someone correct me. You can be demisexual and only have attraction to one gender, or demisexual and have it for both. And the difference between actually be demisexual and a straight/gay/bi person who needs a close relationship before having sex is the attraction part. A hypothetical straight person who doesn't ever have sex outside of a relationship is still sexual attracted to people of the opposite gender - whether or not they intend to act on it. A demisexual would not feel that attraction without the relationship.

 

So a demisexual person could be attracted to both genders? But I still don't get how this is different from any sexual orientation. Let's say you have a preference for a certain sex (or both). If you happen to "realize" that you are actually attracted by your best friend, are you a demiseuxal person? (given that there was no sexual attraction from your part towards your best friend before)

 

Apparently I really don't get the difference between demisexual and a person needing to have a relationship with someone before engaging into anything (with or without prior sexual attraction to the person)

[StrangeStrategy]

Solas or Cassandra? They might fit the bill, probably Solas if anyone.

[daveliam]

So a demisexual person could be attracted to both genders? But I still don't get how this is different from any sexual orientation. Let's say you have a preference for a certain sex (or both). If you happen to "realize" that you are actually attracted by your best friend, are you a demiseuxal person? (given that there was no sexual attraction from your part towards your best friend before)

 

Apparently I really don't get the difference between demisexual and a person needing to have a relationship with someone before engaging into anything (with or without prior sexual attraction to the person)

 

I think that you are looking at it as one spectrum.  Think of it as two separate spectra:

 

Sexual Orientation (straight, gay, bisexual, etc)

Sexual Attraction (asexual, demisexual, etc)

 

in this case, a person would be on both spectra and they relate to each other, but don't directly contradict each other.  So you can be asexual and straight.  Or you can be demisexual and gay.  Or demisexual and bisexual.  Or demisexual and straight.  And there are many ways it can manifest based on the combinations.  Does this make sense?

 

The question I would have is:  Is there a term for people who show sexual attraction on that continuum?  Like, what do you call the common attraction pattern?