When one assigns a name to something for which you had no name previously, it is in fact its name in your language.
And if you use a term which already had a meaning, you associate a new identity with an established connotation.
Le gasp! It's like you aren't arguing against what I'm saying at all!
There is no reason that the elves had to or the Dalish have to name something using pre-existing words with connotations. They could create a new word- we do that quite often with scientific concepts and discoveries. They could choose to words that don't function as a pejorative- hatred and contempt are harder to convey with tone alone, it's true, but at least tone has to be adopted.
The humans see themselves as allready having won the race conflict. Exalted march, remember.
I remember a border war turned religious war that the Elves started and then loss. Remember?
Something about alianges too. So ambigious. So maybe the olive branch from humans could be, i don't know, sudden shift in attitudes concerning city elves? Be less racist douches? You know, something to show that the underlying conflict between the species is lessening?
The underlying conflict between the species is lessening. The rest, human and elven, have moved on to other forms of identity groups, with increasing mutual-identification and assimilation. Elves can serve in militaries and even as Templars, with all the implications that an internatinoally sanctioned and respected military force implies. Respected members of prominent national and international institutions are open to institutional reforms in favor of the elven minority, including reversing and rolling back archaic prohbitions that exist primarily by inertia. City elves do not exist as the despised minority to be blamed for everything that goes wrong.
Most promisingly, only a minority of one side even identifies by race-identity, and they don't even participate in the politics of the countries they live in. So much so that policies towards the city elves wouldn't even affect Dalish relations.
And no, it's still not the duty of an underdog to capitulate. Ever.
Sure it is. The only underdogs alive today are the ones who haven't fought to the death. Underdogs need to be the most flexible, adaptive, and willing to reform themselves in order to survive and prosper. No one, underdog or not, has ever won all their battles without compromise. In so much that anyone has a 'duty' to not destroy their own group, capitulation to reality and internal changes are frequently the moral obligation. Even the Dalish radically reformatted their entire culture after the fall of the Dales.
Pointless antagonism has no point, and historic animosities are merely historic. Propagating hopeless conflicts from long ago simply because you lost and are now the underdog is silly. The fact that Dalish clans keep bitter history of a thousand years ago closer than possible relations in the here and now
And you still havent told why exactly the Dalish need to change?
The don't 'need' to change, any more than they 'need' to survive. The Dalish could die out most of Thedas would either not notice, or even be better off.
The Dalish should change because they aren't building a future for themselves and only maintaining a manufactured past in the present to the detriment of both themselves and everyone around them. They aren't helping themselves by staying bitter, they aren't helping the city elves by clinging to a fabricated mythic past, and they aren't helping humans by caring more about history no one was even alive for.
When your neighbour is a violent bully, you are right to be wary of him.
Certainly- especially when you yourself are also a violent bully, but significantly weaker. Following that recognition, the next step of being wary of your neighbors is to accept that you are, in fact, neighbors.
And then there is the culture bit. I allready told you that the Arlathan the Dalish talk about is not the same as the Arlathan that actually existed. Symbol, remember. Something to give purpose. Something to give strenght during, say the long march from Tevinter to the Dales? They try to reconstruct what they can but are first to admit that there is a shedload they simply don't know.As it stands, what the Dalish have is the closest approximation of the original culture even if it is off simply by virtue of being the only ones trying.The project to restore Arlathan culture has never been a realistic one but it has given them purpose and given birth to a valid culture based on the few shards of the old one they have.
Purpose in the direction of the impossible is squandered. A waste on efforts that could actually benefit them going into the future. Instead of a purpose in reclaiming a past devoid of humans, they could work towards a future with humans.
The idea that the Dalish have the closest approximation of the original culture is merely buying into the Dalish reclamation myth. Tevinter has as many, if not more, claims to being closer to what the ancient elves were and how they lived than the nomads who call themselves their descendents. Tevinter at least is an urbanized mageocracy which took Arlathanian knowledge and symbols and made them their own, affected by it even as they tried to paint over it. The Dalish are nomadic tribals who paint themselves as slaves and parrot words here and there.