23 réponses à ce sujet

[veramis]

I have played several hours of dragon age 3, and I believe that your writing staff does not know how to write. Please ensure that they know English, and then send them to writing classes where they can learn the basics of writing. It will help improve the quality of your games when you have writers who know what they are doing. Thanks.

[Rykoth]

Funny how the writing is one of the biggest praised things. This thread is obvious troll.

[Althix]

can you be more specific?

 

i mean vo is bad in some cases i've seen, but what about your case?

[themikefest]

The writing is fine. The writers did a good job

[Beltan]

OP you're being unreasonable. The writers are fine. The story and the speaking is great. You have nothing to complain about. I'm about 3 hours in as well and haven't noticed anything unworthy of your English skills. 

 

Just let it go.

[Otter-under-the-mountain]

What do you mean? I've come across some overly verbose lines that I wouldn't expect to hear someone say without pre-rehearsing it, but they were all justified by being about the characters' basic philosophies, which they've probably thought about before. Plus, Solas, Varric, Cassandra, Josie, Cullen, and Leliana (the worst offenders I've met) are all educated.

 

I think the longest word I've heard the street-educated Sera use is "breeches" (I mean pants, not multiple iterations of The Breach), so at least she probably won't fail me on that account.

[Dahae]

OP is a comma splice using troll. How embarrassing. Don't come at Bioware writers for bad English when you can't even use a comma properly. 

[veramis]

I don't want to spoil things, so we'll stick with the first dialogue, but believe me, I could go on and on for the majority of the bad dialogues. 1=You, 2=Cassandra, 3=Leliana

 

2: Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now. The conclave is destroyed, everyone who attended is dead, except for you.

Random threat in a question form, followed very quickly with an outline of her grievances without giving 1 a chance to respond.

 

1. What do you mean everyone's dead?

 

2. Explain this.

Did not answer 1's question, apparently her threat and grievances aren't important now, she's more interested in the hand.

 

1. I.... can't.

 

2. What do you mean you can't?

She means she can't.

 

1. I don't know what that thing is, or how it got there.

 

2. You're lying.

Random bad animations supposed to represent physical threatening

 

3. We need her, Cassandra.

Random good cop bad cop pushing Cassandra back

 

1. So what happens now?

Dude, have you see that thing on your hand? "So wah happenz nowz lol":

 

3. Do you remember what happened? How this began?

 

1. I remember running, things were chasing me, and then.. a woman...

Things. At least say "A woman appeared" or "I saw a woman"

 

3. A woman?

Woow a woman! When "... a woman" follows "things were chasing me", it must be profound!

 

1. She reached out to me... but then...

 

2. Go to the forward camp, Leliana. I will take her to the rift.

Ok, so if "... a woman" reached out to her.. then it is time for Leliana to go to forward camp and for 1 to be taken to the rift. OK got it, good logic.

 

1. What /did/ happen?

Random out of place question, if anything, 1 should be worried about "rift" and not "wah did happenz?"

 

2. It... will be easier to show you.

Yes, it would be much easier to "show", because apparently the writers in this game don't know how to "tell".

[Guyguyson]

I'm pretty sure I heard Cassandra say Wolfs instead of wolves, but I might just of been hearing things.

[Otter-under-the-mountain]

So your problem with the writing is that Cassandra is rash and tends to threaten people she thinks killed the Divine, Leliana isn't okay with killing prisoners before you've interrogated them, and the pre-inquisitor is confused about waking up handcuffed in a strange place with people talking about things he/she has never heard of?

[veramis]

OP is a comma splice using troll. How embarrassing. Don't come at Bioware writers for bad English when you can't even use a comma properly. 

 

Comma splice is very often used to emulate spoken language, and that is the way in which I use them. It should be kept in mind that I am referring in particular the contents of the writing, not the grammar, so that even if your criticism of my grammar is valid, or you choose to consider it valid, it does not invalidate the arguments I have written. Please argue against my arguments if you wish, and leave grammar out of this.

[Lukas Trevelyan]

I believe it is you who should go back to school. 

[veramis]

So your problem with the writing is that Cassandra is rash and tends to threaten people she thinks killed the Divine, Leliana isn't okay with killing prisoners before you've interrogated them, and the pre-inquisitor is confused about waking up handcuffed in a strange place with people talking about things he/she has never heard of?

 

Cassandra isn't rash, she says pointless things, ignores what others say to her, and randomly breaks off her own train of thought. Leliana wasn't really doing anything, Cassandra didn't do real animations of physically about to kill the main character, yet Leliana decided to play good cop bad cop and push her away and then begin a very strange conversation about "a woman" that somehow leads to Cassandra declaring that Leliana should go to the forward camp while the main character is taken to the "rift". The pre-inquisitor is confused, but is also asking retarded things that do not follow the dialogues properly. In other words, my time playing this game, the dialogues have all felt like half was cut out or they were randomly inserted throughout the game, they don't really follow logical trains of thought. At least ME3 and DA2 had logical trains of thought, I will give them that much, but I can't say the same for DA3, which I think is justification for sending bioware writing staff to school.

 

As I said, I only used that one dialogue as an example, and I could complain about most of the dialogues in this game similarly. I don't want to dissect each dialogue one by one because it would be spoiling the story, and it would also likely be lost on people if I were just to inundate the website with literary criticism. What complaints I have about the dialogue I just criticized, I feel is a good illustration of the types of complaints about the rest of the dialogues I have seen in the game.

[Fozee]

I have moderated several hours of dragon age Inquisition forums, and I believe that your feedback does not know how to remain constructive. Please ensure that they do, and then send them to feedback classes where they can learn the basics of being constructive. It will help improve the quality of your feedback when you have feedbacks who know what they are doing. Thanks.

[Muspade]

I see.

Now go away.

[Farangbaa]

Ah great. Not a single detail in the post, just some broad statements.

[Myusha123]

I don't want to spoil things, so we'll stick with the first dialogue, but believe me, I could go on and on for the majority of the bad dialogues. 1=You, 2=Cassandra, 3=Leliana

 

2: Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now. The conclave is destroyed, everyone who attended is dead, except for you.

Random threat in a question form, followed very quickly with an outline of her grievances without giving 1 a chance to respond. 

Killer of the Divine and of other highly powerful leaders. Potentially. Right there. Demon invasion. 

 

1. What do you mean everyone's dead?

 

2. Explain this.

Did not answer 1's question, apparently her threat and grievances aren't important now, she's more interested in the hand.
 

Magical hole in the hand of the person who likely opened The Breach. Is it the key to salvation, or the source of the problem? Cassandra doesn't want to **** around when lives are on the line. Plus the Divine just died.
 

1. I.... can't.

 

2. What do you mean you can't?

She means she can't.

Implies Cassandra started out with the belief the future Inquisitor was likely the murderer.  This statement, along with the previous one help form and cool off Cassandra's reaction later.  
 

1. I don't know what that thing is, or how it got there.

 

2. You're lying.

Random bad animations supposed to represent physical threatening
 

That's not dialogue. Not something taught at a writing school anyway. 
 

3. We need her, Cassandra.

Random good cop bad cop pushing Cassandra back

 

1. So what happens now?

Dude, have you see that thing on your hand? "So wah happenz nowz lol":
 

Inquisitor is the primary suspect for the assassination of the Divine. They also have a hole in their hand, and they're a prisoner. They could be executed for a crime they have no memory of committing, if they even committed it. Also the fact everyone died at the Conclave and they're the only survivor, barely having escaped with their life moments prior in some weird dream landscape? They can say this without being crapped on for saying it.
 

3. Do you remember what happened? How this began?

 

1. I remember running, things were chasing me, and then.. a woman...

Things. At least say "A woman appeared" or "I saw a woman"
 

Trauma. Recollecting vague memories.  Also what the hell would you call the 'things' chasing the Inquisitor at the start of the game? 
 

3. A woman?

Woow a woman! When "... a woman" follows "things were chasing me", it must be profound!
 

Story's really vague from the Inquisitor thus far. Also who knows, maybe the Divine lives. 

1. She reached out to me... but then...

 

2. Go to the forward camp, Leliana. I will take her to the rift.

Ok, so if "... a woman" reached out to her.. then it is time for Leliana to go to forward camp and for 1 to be taken to the rift. OK got it, good logic.
 

They're the Seekers of the Divine, everyone in authority is dead, and people are dying. Inquisitor just seems confused as hell. Might as well see if they're of any use, and if not imprison or execute them.

 

1. What /did/ happen?

Random out of place question, if anything, 1 should be worried about "rift" and not "wah did happenz?"
 

There's more to the story than the Rift. Inquisitor doesn't know about the Rift yet either I believe, or demons running around.
 

2. It... will be easier to show you.

Yes, it would be much easier to "show", because apparently the writers in this game don't know how to "tell".

And you don't know how to give a valid critique. 

[veramis]

Ah great. Not a single detail in the post, just some broad statements.

 

Please read my criticisms of a dialogue between the main character, Cassandra, and Leliana in post #8. If it is necessary to provide more evidence to make my point, just let me know. But be warned, I could talk for hours about all the writing flops just in the prologue.

[veramis]

Killer of the Divine and of other highly powerful leaders. Potentially. Right there. Demon invasion. 

 

This doesn't change the fact that Cassandra can't hold a dialogue that makes sense here.

 

Magical hole in the hand of the person who likely opened The Breach. Is it the key to salvation, or the source of the problem? Cassandra doesn't want to **** around when lives are on the line. Plus the Divine just died.
 

Again, Cassandra is just flailing around, not really helping anything get explained, just throwing stuff out there.

 

Implies Cassandra started out with the belief the future Inquisitor was likely the murderer.  This statement, along with the previous one help form and cool off Cassandra's reaction later.  
 

Cool off, you mean by exclaiming "You're lying!" and do some weird animations that are supposed to be threatening?

 

That's not dialogue. Not something taught at a writing school anyway. 

 

You have this crazy woman who can't hold a conversation going crazy, and supposedly threaten to kill what might be the only way to close the rift. The writing is so bad that the programmers are having trouble knowing what to do with the character animations.

 

Inquisitor is the primary suspect for the assassination of the Divine. They also have a hole in their hand, and they're a prisoner. They could be executed for a crime they have no memory of committing, if they even committed it. Also the fact everyone died at the Conclave and they're the only survivor, barely having escaped with their life moments prior in some weird dream landscape? They can say this without being **** on.
 

So after Cassandra plays bad cop, and Leliana plays good cop, the first thing that the main character wants to say is, "So what happens now?" First of all, "What happens now" is what people say after a reaching an impasse or a point in a discussion where it is necessary to ask others for their opinion. IT IS NOT the phrase you use after you see two people play good cop bad cop right before your eyes. The main character is in no position whatsoever to use such a phrase.

 

Trauma. Recollecting vague memories.  Also what the hell would you call the 'things' chasing the Inquisitor at the start of the game? 
 

There are many other ways to describe the demons chasing the main character. Monsters, demons, creatures, etc., "things" is lazy as all heck.

 

Story's really vague. Also who knows, maybe the Divine lives. 

 

Pointless exclamation by Leliana. Omigawd WOMAN.

 

They're the Seekers of the Divine, everyone in authority is dead, and people are dying. Inquisitor just seems confused as ****. Might as well see if they're of any use, and if not imprison or execute them.

Very random, no train of thought whatsoever. Shazam! A woman! Time to tell Leliana to go to forward camp and to take main character to the rift.

 

There's more to the story than the Rift. Inquisitor doesn't know about the Rift yet either I believe, or demons running around.
 

If you were the main character, and you just overhead two people right in front of you talking about a "forward camp", a military term, and that you were to be taken to a "rift", is your concern really "wah did happenz back der?". It's like a child overhearing he's about to be eaten and then wonders, Where did my cellphone go?

 

And you don't know how to give a valid critique. 

 

The only way your insults would affect me is if I respected your opinion, and you haven't given me any reason to.

[Dahae]

Comma splice is very often used to emulate spoken language, and that is the way in which I use them. It should be kept in mind that I am referring in particular the contents of the writing, not the grammar, so that even if your criticism of my grammar is valid, or you choose to consider it valid, it does not invalidate the arguments I have written. Please argue against my arguments if you wish, and leave grammar out of this.

 

Yeah, my argument is that you're saying Bioware's writers need to go back to school, when you yourself have a very weak command of the English language. Therefore, I don't think your opinion on good writing holds much weight. You are welcome to your opinion, but I doubt its validity. 

[veramis]

Yeah, my argument is that you're saying Bioware's writers need to go back to school, when you yourself have a very weak command of the English language. Therefore, I don't think your opinion on good writing holds much weight. You are welcome to your opinion, but I doubt its validity. 

 

You don't have anything to say about my opinion, you only argue against imaginary bad grammar. As I said before, my use of commas is done for emulating spoken language, and although this will sometimes result in comma splices, it is the least offensive form of comma splices. You can cling on to your belief that I have somehow greatly abused the English language, but don't expect people to consider your opinion to be anything more than the vitriolic whining of a wannabe grammar Nazi.

[O_Flaps]

You don't have anything to say about my opinion, you only argue against imaginary bad grammar. As I said before, my use of commas is done for emulating spoken language, and although this will sometimes result in comma splices, it is the least offensive form of comma splices. You can cling on to your belief that I have somehow greatly abused the English language, but don't expect people to consider your opinion to be anything more than the vitriolic whining of a wannabe grammar Nazi.

 

Ironic. Calling someone else a grammar nazi, when you yourself are the one complaining about the language in the game.

 

Hypocrite much?

[veramis]

Ironic. Calling someone else a grammar nazi, when you yourself are the one complaining about the language in the game.

 

Hypocrite much?

 

Do you know the difference between writing grammar and writing content?

[Medhia_Nox]

@veramis:  SO... why don't you re-write the scene so we can have an example of the excellent writing you're looking for?