Dorian stood nearby in silent support, leaving her to sort her thoughts.
To be honest, she wasn't making much headway. Her inner voice jumbled; too bad she hadn't' brought Cole along to speak what was on her mind more clearly.
What had Cole said to Blackw-- Damn. She'd be making that mistake more than once. Regardless, what had Cole said to him one day? "Your head. So many tangles. Knots. And that's just on the inside." That about summed it up for Mara just then. Well. minus the needing a hair brush part. Ugh. Mara was letting her mind wander to silliness instead of this. The facts.
Blackwall was Thom Rainier. Which meant a lot of things. He certainly hadn't received wings of valor. A flash of conversation came to her mind; that man at the Winter Palace- he'd recognized Thom. And Thom had shrugged it off as the man being drunk, but then been so tense and short with her as she spoke to him.
The "steel will", she'd assumed, against the false calling the Fear Demon had created, that sinister song, had actually been a total lack of discomfort. Aside from his being put on the spot to need further lying. Which he'd not even paused in providing.
That badge they'd gone and found, and he'd left so easily behind to distract her, wasn't his. The grand speeches he'd made, his idealism about what the Wardens meant to the world, a farce to keep up this...character. She'd swallowed the whole thing; made important Inquisition decisions that had gotten her flak due to his influence.
And, of course, lest she try to forget...
Thom Rainier was a murderer.
Of children. If the charges had been accurate. Which also begged a question; What had happened to the real Blackwall? Just how far did this lie go regarding it's birth?
Mara leaned forward, placing her face in her hands. She'd been a fool. Chalk it up to her young naivety and heart prone to romanticism, it didn't change what she was. She swam in the emotions of anger, shame, embarrassment, and disgust, one by one. When she finally lifted her head, removing herself from her pity party by sheer force of will, she realized the crowd was gone and the sky had fulfilled it's promise of rain. Dorian had provided a magical barrier to block it from soaking her through while she'd been so consumed, sweet man.
He smiled gently at her grim face, and Mara stood up. "I'm sorry, Dorian. I'm falling to pieces, obviously." Was she going to cry in front of her dear friend? She took a deep breath. No. No tears. Mara straightened, trying to prepare herself for what was next, but merely succeeding at false bravado. It would have to do.
She entered the prison and Dorian remained behind outside. Mara observed him before she totally closed the door. He raised a brow flirtatiously at one of the guards; the facial expression was lost to the mask, but judging from body language, Dorian had made him uncomfortable. Dorian grinned a bit, entertainment achieved. If Mara had been so tossed, she'd have laughed. Nevertheless, what happened below in the cells would remain between just her and ...Thom.
None of the guards tried to intercede as she simply walked in and headed downstairs. One of the benfits of being the Inquisitor, she was sure. She found Thom in the last cell on the left, sitting on the wooden bench inside. She gazed at him through the bars. He looked miserable as he stared at his feet, hands clasped together. Mara was at a loss for words. Maybe she should never have come but...she couldn't make her feet carry her away. They must have resolution. She knew he knew she was there. And so she waited for him to speak first.
And finally, he began, his quiet rumbly voice sounding odd in the damp stone cell. "I didn't take Blackwalls life. I traded his death. He wanted me for the wardens, but there was an ambush. Darkspawn. He was killed. I took his name to stop the world from losing a good man. But a good man, the man he was, wouldn't have let another die in his place." He stopped.
Mara drew closer to the bars. At least that question was answered...well, except no.. .she couldn't just take his word for it, could she? The emotions she'd been drowning in since the bench outside made a reappearance. Mara was conflicted, she couldn't settle on just one to express... but..Suddenly she was just tired. Forget sounding regal and above the scandal. Her heart was broken.
Her lips curved downward as she finally spoke the words that had been trying to break free since his confession.
"Why did you lie to me?"
"I never meant to lie to you, and when I did... I couldn't take it back." His gaze remained on the dirty floor while he spoke. "You weren't supposed to find me. You were just supposed to think I was gone..... I didn't want you to see me like this."
Anger flared, fluttering against the sadness that had been tearing at her a minute before. She embraced it, let it strengthen her. "Well, I'm here now. Deal with me." Her anger finally reached him were sadness had not. He stopped looking at the floor, standing and coming to the bars.
"Don't you understand? I gave the order--" His palms slammed into the bars, startling Mara. Thom gripped them, shaking them in his distress,"-- to kill Lord Callier, his entourage, and I lied to my men about what they were doing!" He shook them again to underscore his point, turned his head side to side. "When it came to light, I ran!"
His vehemence was so strong, Mara noticed herself backing up only after she'd taken the first step backwards.
He slid down the bars to his knees, and stayed there, reaching his worst low as he bared himself and his crimed before someone he had loved and lied to.
"Wouldn't you be happier thinking I was a noble man, a grey warden, instead of this? I would've saved you the pain of learning that all you knew about me was a lie."
The distance between them seemed more than just space and the bars separating them. This was all too much to absorb at once. Mara just felt...dumb.
They both remained where they were for a while, silence and sadness. But Mara had a few more questions, and it was now or never.
"We went there, where you were ambushed. We retrieved your badge. But it was never really yours, was it?" Mara asked.
"No. It belonged to Blackwall. I was going to tell you the truth-- When we went there. I wanted to explain why I couldn't be with you. But you found Blackwall's badge before I did and I..... I lost my nerve. You wanted me to be him. I wanted to be him." He made a noise, as if to scoff at himself. "To even imagine that I could replace that man."
Mara still felt...towards him...she felt compelled to reply. "Not saying I disagree, but Blackwall clearly thought you were worth saving."
"Nevertheless. Thom Rainier died that day and Blackwall lived."
Mara took a moment to absorb that, before moving on to the question she feared the most to ask.
"You killed children?"
"I didn't know Callier would be traveling with his family. My orders were to eliminate everyone. No one likes to think about that... But It's names that carry power in this world. Blood lines. Heirs. No matter how Celene or Gaspard pretend the Game is played, that's how real war is waged." His tone was dark, angry. His response put real doubt in her about him.
"That shouldn't be how wars are fought. There's no need. " Mara said, disturbed but wondering. There was darkness in this world...
"War is unfair and the sky is blue." Thom replied matter of factly. But he relented quickly, to Mara's relief "But you're right. There was no need for what I did."
Still.... Mara had one more question. "Who were you before...all this mess?"
Thom was simply resigned to her questions now, answering as if it were a story he'd told himself a million times. "I was a captain in the Orlesian Army. Well regarded. I was respected. But it wasn't enough. One mistake..." Thom stopped speaking a brief moment, regret pouring into his rote rendition of personal history. "One mistake. And everything I worked for fell apart."
Mara had no more questions and Thom... Thom stood there in grim silence as Mara finally left.
------------------
but then redo as stay at the bar and watch Blackwall disappear in the blink of an eye.
I'm hoping they didn't rewrite their history like Orzammar did.
Retour en haut
). It is a cruel fate giving your heart to someone and they leave you all alone "for your own good". I can make my own decissions damn it! Oh the heartbreak.
). Now I can go back with just my team to find all the nooks and crannies, and continue the banter from where it left off. I've got more gears and mugs to find, plus I need to pick up the nug-summoning cheese wheel of judgment. 
