Why is the dead husband/lover thing so reviled? I don't understand it. Is it just upsetting that your LI used to love someone else? Or is there a particular delivery of this background that sucks ?
I've only played all Dragon Age games and ME3 thoroughly (romancing Kaiden which didn't really resonate with me) so I don't know what other romances are like in other games, but in Dragon age, I don't see dead lovers to be any sort of hardship.
It's not reviled per se, more like it has got very very old, especially in previous games. Kaidan is fine, he just had a girl he crushed on.
In previous games it was like this:
BGII - Anomen (the only romance for females) constantly speaks of how much you remind him of his sister, literally for several conversations - which is perfectly fine - then she dies and drama ensures.
Kotor1 - Carth keeps telling you about his dead wife which he can't get over - again for several conversations, and he has a living son as well.
Jade Empire - Sky has a dead wife and a dead daughter which he keeps telling you about through the entire game.
ME2 - Thane - dead wife, living son, again several ongoing conversations.
There are other games that other posters mention, but I do not include them because I don't find them as glaring as the aforementioned, more subtle and not very significant.
Basically in all these games your character is nothing more than a healing tool. I don't mind dead lovers, but talking about them through the entire plot can get really frustrating. And this trend continued up until a certain point.