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An issue was brought to my attention by a few friends regarding Iron Bull's behavior and eventual romance with Dorian if you romance neither. Understandably, a lot of it has not been seen by people because of the banter bug, or because they don't normally have that party composition, or whatever. But when you do see/hear all of it, it does not come off well. It comes off as abuse and harassment.
His advances are unwelcome, and they don't stop when Dorian expresses that he doesn't like it. Dorian then states that they first got together after getting drunk; through other dialogue with/from Dorian, it sounds like he has a drinking problem. The result is that it looks like Bull is trying to manipulate someone who is not in a position to consent. Even after they get together, Bull seems to get a laugh out of airing things to the group that Dorian does not feel comfortable sharing. Add to that the fact that Bull is a highly observant spy, and that Dorian has no clear reference for what a healthy relationship looks like (having never been in one before), it honestly looks like manipulation.
This is furthered by Iron Bull's character being carried by bad writing of bisexuality (wait, no, sorry, pansexuality because apparently someone decided bisexual people are transphobic -- news to me!). One of the most harmful stereotypes for bi/pan people is that they're ready to bone whoever, whenever, wherever. False, rude, and something media continues to enforce with behaviors like Bull's. The only context it would make sense in is if he's presented as someone who has a problem with the excess -- which he's not. This form of "representation" is harmful, and a huge step back from the bisexual romances we got in DA2 (contrast with Josephine, who is an actual princess and perfect in every way, and exactly how a bisexual romance should go).
Which is all really freaking unfortunate because with other characters, Bull is quite respectful. He's clearly capable of stopping when he needs to, because when Cassandra tells him to stop hitting on her, he apologizes and stops (the correct response is exactly that). He will tolerate no rudeness towards Krem for any reason, especially not because of transphobia (dialogue options that should not even have been present, but that's another issue). When Solas expresses his anger and hatred towards the Qun, Bull calmly and politely expresses that it's a complicated issue, showing that he's reasonable and capable of discussion even when he's being goaded and (heh) egged on.
The biggest contrast is when Varric asks Bull for details on his relationship with the Inquisitor, he doesn't divulge any information at all. Why would he fling the doors wide open with Dorian? It makes no sense.
Why did their relationship need to start while the one with the drinking problem was drunk, and not able to consent properly? Why Bull continue to make advances when Dorian was clearly uncomfortable? Would it have been such a big issue to have them bond over the social constraints they don't follow, over seeing they're not as different as the war between Tevinter and the Qunari would make them believe? Why was this necessary? It feels like someone was given a summary of his character and they tacked on those dialogues with only an arsenal of stereotypes and horrible romance movies. I don't know who wrote it. I don't care. It doesn't matter -- someone on the team should have caught what this looks like, because I don't think it was what was intended.
As the only Qunari present in this game aside from the Inquisitor herself (who is only of the race, not of the nation), there's a lot resting on his admittedly massive shoulders -- as a character he will wind up representing a lot of what the Qun will believe, so even if he admits there are things he does not agree with, even if there are behaviors that are his own habits and not of the Qun, he's still going to be a product of that society. And we have no other perspectives. For the last three games, we've had only the military perspective. Now would have been the time to introduce more, and more than one at a time.
Because Bull is our mouthpiece for the Qun and the Qunari, the lens from which we view that society, it becomes hard to separate those views from the character's development, and indeed leaves less screentime for the character to develop. And as with Solas, there's no option to really call him out on problematic behaviors.
Ultimately, there are so many good moments in his characterization -- his enthusiasm for kicking dragon ass, his respect towards Vivienne and obeying her instructions, his relationship with the Chargers, his respect towards others' boundaries, his ability to put aside differences and embrace things that are in common (something he shares with Dorian, in fact!). That's why the presentation of the relationship with Dorian is so abruptly different and surprising and worrying. It's so far from the rest of his characterization that it seems thrown on in a hurry by someone unfamiliar with the character (and with bisexuals -- seriously, devs, what the hell? It's not like bisexuals are an endangered species....).
There's already so little on the Qunari that what little is presented needs to be done carefully because it's an interesting, if controversial way of life (certainly not viable now, but in the past, where there are fewer personal freedoms to start with, it would be a sound choice). But we've been given no reason to care about what it has to offer or what the non-military segment of the population is like.
I urge the writers to examine intercompanion romances more carefully in the future. Poorly done, they can spoil a character and even the whole group a character comes from.
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