so i was linked to a forum conversation the other night by a friend wherein the topic of krem’s responses to the inquisitor’s questions was brought up in a negative light, and were considered unnecessarily, mmm, confrontational, i suppose, i forget the poster’s exact phrasing and i am certainly not going to link it, the point of this post is not to descend into an argument with a willfully ignorant person but as an attempt to walk both myself and all of you through my thought processes
so
my friend had asked my opinion on their response to the topic, which was very very good and supportive of trans people, to which i added a few comments, after which a further thought occurred to me, which i specifically made an account for that forum to make:
Speaking as the transmasculine friend, I should also add (which I forgot to say when I was alerted as to this thread) is that this is a question trans people receive constantly, often in a very derisive tone, or (which can be worse in many ways) a fascinated one, so that even friendly inquiries can inspire feelings of discomfort and shame, and the way the inquisitor framed it was extremely offensive. I bristled on Krem’s behalf when I heard that question. There is hardly one single question you can ask Krem that didn’t make me wince. So. Its both like and unlike asking a gay person why they’re gay, because that isn’t a question any but the most pigheaded would ask, while many well meaning people would ask this question, and completely miss the hurt said phrasing would cause. So. Krem is not being unreasonable. He is hurt and tired and uncomfortable.“
which i thought was perfectly reasonable and would help clear things up. several hours later, i reopened the thread and saw this as their response:
A few points:
1. We’re all asked questions that make us uncomfortable, often over things that are essentially out of our control. In our responses, we can be dickish or we can be polite. How we choose to respond often informs people’s opinions of us, regardless if we were “justified” in being dickish.
2. No, none of the Inquisitor’s responses were good. It was either “Look at me, I’m an insensitive bigot” or “Yay, go Krem!” This, though, ties into my point that Gaider’s real-life liberalism was showing, even though transsexualism was never before dealt with in-game and I have no idea what the deal is in Thedas. Also, as a real-life person who doesn’t fully understand all the preferred nomenclature…why put me in a situation where I have to pick up on the subtext or the character is going to be a jerk to me?
the thing is, this whole argument is so wearying, as this poster’s problem with the situation in the first place. its something i heard each and every day of my life after coming out for a good long time, and it just
the thing is, there is more than one way to dehumanize someone, of which only three of which i’ll go into here. you can A) think them beneath you and disgusting and so forth
elevate them on a pedestal, on which they are perfect and can do no wrong, or C) invalidate basic human emotional responses, which this poster is
the line they had trouble with was krem’s reply to asking why he decided to pass, which was a fairly curt but not impolite or unwarrented, “i was always a man” or something to that extent, and the fact that the poster grew upset over that is very very telling, i think
as trans people (or any marginalized group) merely expressing discomfort on a subject, even non-verbally or indirectly, as krem does, is seen as an attack. notice that krem does not call the inquisitor names or grow heated (and even if he did, would that be so hard to understand?) he explains a very basic fact of his existence to someone who called that fact into question, which was a (albeit unintentional) violent act, one which provoked an immediate reaction of discomfort
the poster’s insistence that krem is responsible for the comfort of everyone around him at all times at the expense of his own mental and emotional safety is quite frankly disturbing and very very familiar to a lot of us, i’m sure, and made me feel so unsafe i backflipped out of the thread altogether
just. it is just so tiring and hurtful and yet, still, not surprising at all
Retour en haut
. So, I keep reading here but I don't always have time to participate.
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