461 réponses à ce sujet

[Basement Cat]

This! So much this. Making a relationship work is not about what legal status you have or the ceremonies that you've been through. It's about love and respect, it's about being there for each other, it's about working together too solve the issues that you may face. And if anyone tells me that just because I'm not married, I'm not in a truly committed relationship then I just shake my head. Because they have no freaking clue about what they are talking about. 

Oh, the if you're not married you're living in sin, thing. 

 

Person1: You see this ring on my finger? And this mariage contract? It makes me better than you!

 

Person 2: Big deal. Just because you have a liscence to screw doesn't mean you're good at it.

[Hanako Ikezawa]

You know what, I'm not even going to sugar coat this. I think you're working really hard to be offended by things that aren't offensive. 

 

And what's the deal with marriage anyway? Why do you need a ceremony or a legal status in order to be happy with your relationship. Trust me dear, I've been with my man for years. We're not married, but the only difference between us and a married couple is a piece of paper. I don't need a ceremony to tell him that I love him, I do that anyway.

That's fine. No need to watch what you say on my account as long as what you say adheres to the Site Rules. 

 

That's good for you. I mean that sincerely. But to others, it is more than a 'piece of paper' as you put it. 

 

Tangent: is marriage actually a sacrament in Thedas? Does the Chantry have any official issue with sex before marriage? We know some people take vows of celibacy, but I get the impression that it's more about focus and devotion than thinking sex is bad in and off itself. Sebastian also seems to have sworn off drinking, for example, and as far as we know the Chantry hasn't got a problem with alcohol.

No, it is not. If it was, Cassandra and Leliana would not have had sex with the Inquisitor and Warden respectively without getting married first. 

 

>implying she doesn't want marriage.

 

You get a shiny "greatly approves" if you choose this option. So her calling you a loony, doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't want to get married one day. From the approval, it's safe to say she'd like to marry the person she loves.

The video I watched didn't show any Greatly Approves thing. Considering you have Sera as your avatar, I'll have to trust you on that. 

Unless the Greatly Approves comes from her liking jokes and she sees that as a really good one. 

 

Suddenly I'm wondering if Leandra and Malolm were ever married. They ran off together but I can't remeber if she ever refers to him as her husband rather than "your father".

The Dragon Age wiki has Malcolm Hawke marked as husband on her page. 

 

 

"Marriage is when we admit our parents were right..." (Billy Bragg for those not familiar with the reference)

 

I've been with my current partner for 18 years, the notion that somehow we are less devoted, aren't prepared to make things work when things aren't peachy or have zero commitment to each other smacks of complete ignorance about how relationships work.  I could be offended about the moralising but I just find it kind of sad really.

This! So much this. Making a relationship work is not about what legal status you have or the ceremonies that you've been through. It's about love and respect, it's about being there for each other, it's about working together too solve the issues that you may face. And if anyone tells me that just because I'm not married, I'm not in a truly committed relationship then I just shake my head. Because they have no freaking clue about what they are talking about. 

Did I ever say those relationships were less devoted or those involved are not truly committed to each other? The answer is no, I did not. Do not put words into my mouth. 

[Ynqve]

 

Did I ever say those relationships were less devoted or those involved are not truly committed to each other? The answer is no, I did not. Do not put words into my mouth. 

No, but you are claiming that not being married is morally wrong and that having sex before marriage is bad. Which may be true for you personally, and I respect that.  You should live your life the way that you want to. But the way that you are phrasing yourself makes you sound like a judgmental and moralistic person who thinks that what you think is right/wrong is the only acceptable way of living. And that the rest of us are lesser persons. 

 

Maybe that's not how you want us to interpret you, maybe that's not at all what you're thinking. But that's how I and some others are reading you. And if that's not your intent, maybe you should work on how you decide to word your opinions.

[Hanako Ikezawa]

 

No, but you are claiming that not being married is morally wrong and that having sex before marriage is bad. Which may be true for you personally, and I respect that.  You should live your life the way that you want to. But the way that you are phrasing yourself makes you sound like a judgmental and moralistic person who thinks that what you think is right/wrong is the only acceptable way of living. And that the rest of us are lesser persons. 

 

Maybe that's not how you want us to interpret you, maybe that's not at all what you're thinking. But that's how I and some others are reading you. And if that's not your intent, maybe you should work on how you decide to word your opinions.

No, I said they weren't being inclusive of a mindset, which they aren't, and has the appearance of them using it as a thing for mocking while at the same time solely promoting a mindset I do not agree with. Sorry if you saw that as judging others.That was not my intention. Reading the thread, it seems things got that way after arguments started. 

 

I asked earlier for advice on how to word things better, but nobody responded. 

[WildOrchid]

The video I watched didn't show any Greatly Approves thing. Considering you have Sera as your avatar, I'll have to trust you on that. 

Unless the Greatly Approves comes from her liking jokes and she sees that as a really good one.

 

FYI, not everything is a joke to Sera. She gets the relationship thing very seriously.

Why someone like Sera wouldn't want to marry? Does marriage only fit to "right" people or what?

[Ynqve]

 

 

No, I said they weren't being inclusive of a mindset, which they aren't, and has the appearance of them using it as a thing for mocking while at the same time solely promoting a mindset I do not agree with. Sorry if you saw that as judging others.That was not my intention. Reading the thread, it seems things got that way after arguments started. 

 

I asked earlier for advice on how to word things better, but nobody responded. 

 

 

Actually you've been coming across as judgmental when it comes to sex and marriage in countless other threads and in several discussions. You know that when you post stuff like "pre-marital sex  :sick:" (which you did, months ago in the Cassandra thread I think), that's not a very nice thing to say. In this thread you've stated things like how casual sex is harming the Inquisition, that casual sex is comparable to drug addiction. That's not diplomatic at all.

 

You have a habit of bursting into threads going "I THINK THIS AND YOU ARE ALL WRONG." and you rarely listen to the counter arguments that people give you. Instead you usually claim that you're being mistreated and that everyone else are being mean. Sometimes people are mean, and I don't support it when they are. But honestly, I've been having these discussions with you a lot, and I rarely feel like you're trying to understand me or my position at all. If I spend time writing a long post with carefully thought out arguments, you'll pick a sentence or a detail and get hung up on it. Often it's semantics, and I feel like that's a cheap way for you to ignore what someone's been trying to tell you. Some of us aren't native speakers, and sometimes you get sloppy and phrase something poorly. But that shouldn't take anything away from the larger point.

[Hanako Ikezawa]

FYI, not everything is a joke to Sera. She gets the relationship thing very seriously.

Why someone like Sera wouldn't want to marry? Does marriage only fit to "right" people or what?

I was just putting a possible alternate possibility out there since you do get a lot of approval from helping her with her pranks. The fact you get approval when she spits out her drink and calls her a loony could suggest that. 

As for the second line, I don't really get what you are asking sorry. 

 

 

Actually you've been coming across as judgmental when it comes to sex and marriage in countless other threads and in several discussions. You know that when you post stuff like "pre-marital sex  :sick:" (which you did, months ago in the Cassandra thread I think), that's not a very nice thing to say. In this thread you've stated things like how casual sex is harming the Inquisition, that casual sex is comparable to drug addiction.

 

You have a habit of bursting into threads going "I THINK THIS AND YOU ARE ALL WRONG." and you rarely listen to the counter arguments that people give you. Instead you usually claim that you're being mistreated and that everyone else are being mean. Sometimes people are mean, and I don't support it when they are. But honestly, I've been having these discussions with you a lot, and I rarely feel like you're trying to understand me or my position at all. If I spend time writing a long post with carefully thought out arguments, you'll pick a sentence or a detail and get hung up on it. Often it's semantics, and I feel like that's a cheap way for you to ignore what someone's been trying to tell you. Some of us aren't native speakers, and sometimes you get sloppy and phrase something poorly. 

That Cassandra thing wasn't serious. I was responding to someone who was teasing someone else about a thing that person liked by posting '*insert thing that person likes*  :sick:' by doing the same to show how silly that was. As for the 'casual sex is comparable to drug addiction', that is not what I said. I said sex, as in any kind, is comparable to substance, like caffeine, addiction. 

 

I have never said people are wrong. I say I disagree with them and maybe I think their viewpoint is wrong, but never make it personal and say that they are wrong for thinking that. People are entitled to their opinions. I'm sorry if you feel like I am not trying to understand you or your position, because I truly do read and consider the counterarguments and try to respond to as much as I am able. 

[WildOrchid]

I was just putting a possible alternate possibility out there since you do get a lot of approval from helping her with her pranks. The fact you get approval when she spits out her drink and calls her a loony could suggest that. 

As for the second line, I don't really get what you are asking sorry. 

 

Your post clearly implies that someone like Sera can't get married for some reason. As if only serious people marry.

 

As for the approval, there's a difference in pranking people and having a nice relaxing moment after a drama. The marriage gets brought after the relationship with her is locked. Her reaction to marriage means nothing, the approval is right there.

[Hanako Ikezawa]

Your post clearly implies that someone like Sera can't get married for some reason. As if only serious people marry.

 

As for the approval, there's a difference in pranking people and having a nice relaxing moment after a drama. The marriage gets brought after the relationship with her is locked. Her reaction to marriage means nothing, the approval is right there.

Where does my post imply that? 

I know there is a difference, but her actions don't seem to match the approval gain to me so I threw out a possible alternate possibility for said gain. 

[Jeremiah12LGeek]

Well this has gone a long way from where it started...

 

Liked for Aeryn! 

[Milan92]

 

The video I watched didn't show any Greatly Approves thing. Considering you have Sera as your avatar, I'll have to trust you on that. 

Unless the Greatly Approves comes from her liking jokes and she sees that as a really good one. 

 

Don't forget that once you reach maximum approval with a companion, you don't gain more.

 

So that could explain why it didn't show up in the video you watch

[Johnsen1972]

[WildOrchid]

Where does my post imply that? 

I know there is a difference, but her actions don't seem to match the approval gain to me so I threw out a possible alternate possibility for said gain. 

 

All your posts tbh. You come off as if there's some... way someone should act when being asked about marriage. Your post about Sera "not taking it seriously" is the proof of this.

"Don't seem to match"? How should Sera react instead? Please, enlighten me, then.

 

 

Have you seen how Sera reacts to this before the loony comment, right? Does it look like she's taking the comment jokingly?

 

To help you, see it for yourself after she spits the inquisitor.

 

 

3:22

 

 

I'd say she's very.... surprised about the proposal. Not shocked or even laughing about it, at all.

 

 

 

Dear god, why am i still arguing.

[Ynqve]

That Cassandra thing wasn't serious. I was responding to someone who was teasing someone else about a thing that person liked by posting '*insert thing that person likes*  :sick:' by doing the same to show how silly that was. As for the 'casual sex is comparable to drug addiction', that is not what I said. I said sex, as in any kind, is comparable to substance, like caffeine, addiction. 

 

I have never said people are wrong. I say I disagree with them and maybe I think their viewpoint is wrong, but never make it personal and say that they are wrong for thinking that. People are entitled to their opinions. I'm sorry if you feel like I am not trying to understand you or your position, because I truly do read and consider the counterarguments and try to respond to as much as I am able. 

 

 

But when you keep arguing about how pre marital sex is wrong, that you think that marriage is sacred and stuff like that and then proceed to make joke like that, people are going to raise an eyebrow. Because you've made many posts that basically boiled down to how you disapprove of sex outside of marriage, that you think it's bad. It's like if someone who's really anti lgbt content decides to make a joke about how "gays are yuck" or if one of the templar extremists decides to joke about how they'd like to murder mage children. It's going to come across as more serious than you intended because of what we've seen you write before. 

 

As I said, I rarely feel like you do understand my arguments because I usually get a reply that's about a detail of what I wrote and it often comes down to semantics. For example, I've been very open with the fact that I think that it's your business if you want to save yourself until marriage. That I have no problem with you placing a completely different value than me on marriage. That I get why someone might feel that way. But when I'm telling you how I view sex, marriage and relationships and use myself as an example all I get in response is "marriage is not just a piece of paper to some of us." Do you honestly think that I'm going to interpret that as you understanding me? I saw it as yeah, you read the post but you didn't get the meaning of it. You ignored the part about how I said that some of us don't need a ceremony to commit to another being. That maybe we're not so different from married couples. And that is really frustrating to me. 

[Hanako Ikezawa]

 

But when you keep arguing about how pre marital sex is wrong, that you think that marriage is sacred and stuff like that and then proceed to make joke like that, people are going to raise an eyebrow. Because you've made many posts that basically boiled down to how you disapprove of sex outside of marriage, that you think it's bad. It's like if someone who's really anti lgbt content decides to make a joke about how "gays are yuck" or if one of the templar extremists decides to joke about how they'd like to murder mage children. It's going to come across as more serious than you intended because of what we've seen you write before. 

 

As I said, I rarely feel like you do understand my arguments because I usually get a reply that's about a detail of what I wrote and it often comes down to semantics. For example, I've been very open with the fact that I think that it's your business if you want to save yourself until marriage. That I have no problem with you placing a completely different value than me on marriage. That I get why someone might feel that way. But when I'm telling you how I view sex, marriage and relationships and use myself as an example all I get in response is "marriage is not just a piece of paper to some of us." Do you honestly think that I'm going to interpret that as you understanding me? I saw it as yeah, you read the post but you didn't get the meaning of it. You ignored the part about how I said that some of us don't need a ceremony to commit to another being. That maybe we're not so different from married couples. And that is really frustrating to me. 

You are rightt. It wasn't the best thing to use for that. 

 

I also in that post said I was sincerely about me saying that is good for you. As in I am glad that you don't need that for your relationship. But like you are accusing me of only focusing on one part, you are focusing on me saying for some it is more than what you describe it and ignored the me being happy for you. 

[Ynqve]

All your posts tbh. You come off as if there's some... way someone should act when being asked about marriage. Your post about Sera "not taking it seriously" is the proof of this.

"Don't seem to match"? How should Sera react instead? Please, enlighten me, then.

 

 

Have you seen how Sera reacts to this before the loony comment, right? Does it look like she's taking the comment jokingly?

 

To help you, see it for yourself after she spits the inquisitor.

 

 

3:22

 

 

I'd say she's very.... surprised about the proposal. Not shocked or even laughing about it, at all.

 

 

 

Dear god, why am i still arguing.

 

Is that what all the fuss is about? For heavens sake, the Inquisitor is blindsiding her by asking her something like that. Of course she's very surprised and the "you're loony" comment is said in a loving way. She's obviously happy about it all! How is this offensive?

[WildOrchid]

Is that what all the fuss is about? For heavens sake, the Inquisitor is blindsiding her by asking her something like that. Of course she's very surprised and the "you're loony" comment is said in a loving way. She's obviously happy about it all! How is this offensive?

 

No idea tbh....

[Hanako Ikezawa]

 

Don't forget that once you reach maximum approval with a companion, you don't gain more.

 

So that could explain why it didn't show up in the video you watch 

Most likely. 

 

All your posts tbh. You come off as if there's some... way someone should act when being asked about marriage. Your post about Sera "not taking it seriously" is the proof of this.

"Don't seem to match"? How should Sera react instead? Please, enlighten me, then.

 

 

Have you seen how Sera reacts to this before the loony comment, right? Does it look like she's taking the comment jokingly?

 

To help you, see it for yourself after she spits the inquisitor.

 

 

3:22

 

 

I'd say she's very.... surprised about the proposal. Not shocked or even laughing about it, at all.

 

 

 

Dear god, why am i still arguing.

Well, I don't think someone should mock you for it if that's what you mean. If someone is against the idea, I think they should try to handle it delicately since it usually takes a lot for someone to work up the nerve to ask that.

Her reaction doesn't match your suggestion that she is for it in my opinion. 

 

Yes, yes she does. Her reaction reminded me of those people who spit their drink out when finding something funny. Hence me saying as such about it. 

 

I don't know. I have no control over what you type and respond to. 

 

Is that what all the fuss is about? For heavens sake, the Inquisitor is blindsiding her by asking her something like that. Of course she's very surprised and the "you're loony" comment is said in a loving way. She's obviously happy about it all! How is this offensive?

No, not really since this was only one example I gave about this. 

 

But from the tone in your latest posts, I think we should desist in talking about this. 

 

[Ynqve]

 

 

You are rightt. It wasn't the best thing to use for that. 

 

I also in that post said I was sincerely about me saying that is good for you. As in I am glad that you don't need that for your relationship. But like you are accusing me of only focusing on one part, you are focusing on me saying for some it is more than what you describe it and ignored the me being happy for you. 

 

 

My bad, you did say that. But I still didn't feel like you got what I said. Ask yourself this: What's the most important part of a marriage? That you're in a devoted and long term relationship with a partner that you love or that you've done the ceremony. Most couples live together prior to getting married, or at least they date for a while. What's stopping your character from doing the ceremony after saving the world? By then they know their partner, they know that they're in it for the long run and they finally have the time to think about their potential future together. 

 

Maybe Hawke and the Warden got married between the games? We don't know if they did it or not, the only thing that we do know is that they're still with their partner. We know that Morrigan and the Warden got married, and we know that a mistress warden won't marry King Alistair. But everything else is open for interpretation. 

[WildOrchid]

Sigh. It's pointless arguing with you. You clearly imply that people should react "how you see fit" when someone proposes a marriage. Okay.

[Hanako Ikezawa]

My bad, you did say that. But I still didn't feel like you got what I said. Ask yourself this: What's the most important part of a marriage? That you're in a devoted and long term relationship with a partner that you love or that you've done the ceremony. Most couples live together prior to getting married, or at least they date for a while. What's stopping your character from doing the ceremony after saving the world? By then they know their partner, they know that they're in it for the long run and they finally have the time to think about their potential future together. 

 

Maybe Hawke and the Warden got married between the games? We don't know if they did it or not, the only thing that we do know is that they're still with their partner. We know that Morrigan and the Warden got married, and we know that a mistress warden won't marry King Alistair. But everything else is open for interpretation. 

I got what you said. This goes back to my original point of wanting it to actually be in the games. I am tired of headcanoning, especially when for most of their romances I can't even do that much. And the same can be said about sex in general: What's stopping the characters from having sex not discussed or shown in the game? The answer is because some people want to see that part of the relationship occur. But Bioware has shown they have a clear preference for which mindset to do, so until that changes I will give negative feedback about the situation. 

[Ynqve]

I got what you said. This goes back to my original point of wanting it to actually be in the games. I am tired of headcanoning, especially when for most of their romances I can't even do that much. And the same can be said about sex in general: What's stopping the characters from having sex not discussed or shown in the game? The answer is because some people want to see that part of the relationship occur. But Bioware has shown they have a clear preference for which mindset to do, so until that changes I will give negative feedback about the situation. 

 

And I wouldn't be opposed to them adding a wedding for the player character if they do it right. Or letting it happen off screen (like with Morrigan). I wouldn't like it if the Inquisitor went "you know what, Corypheus can wait. I'm not saving anything until Cullen agrees to get hitched." but knowing Bioware, I have no doubt that if they decide to give you a wedding scene it's going to be brilliant. 

 

I get that you want to let Bioware know how you feel about this, the thread you made in the Feedback section certainly got their attention. What I don't understand is why you have to antagonize your fellow forumites while doing so. I have no doubt that most of us wouldn't mind marriage if done right in the games. Some prefer to leave stuff like that to head canon and imagination - just as you prefer romances without sexual content. As long as you're not claiming that all romances must end in marriage (and from what I've seen, that's not at all what you're asking for), I can't see any reason why you couldn't get support for your request.

[Sui Causa]

I much prefer jumping Bull with the marriage thing, just to see the way he starts freaking out, until your Inquisitor finally can't hide his laughing and it descends into snickering as they fall back into bed. >.>

 

You know what's silly? Inflicting personal beliefs on characters in video games who have absolutely no need or comprehension of such things. I'm pretty sure this entire thread from start to finish falls under this.

[Hanako Ikezawa]

And I wouldn't be opposed to them adding a wedding for the player character if they do it right. Or letting it happen off screen (like with Morrigan). I wouldn't like it if the Inquisitor went "you know what, Corypheus can wait. I'm not saving anything until Cullen agrees to get hitched." but knowing Bioware, I have no doubt that if they decide to give you a wedding scene it's going to be brilliant. 

 

I get that you want to let Bioware know how you feel about this, the thread you made in the Feedback section certainly got their attention. What I don't understand is why you have to antagonize your fellow forumites while doing so. I have no doubt that most of us wouldn't mind marriage if done right in the games. Some prefer to leave stuff like that to head canon and imagination - just as you prefer romances without sexual content. As long as you're not claiming that all romances must end in marriage (and from what I've seen, that's not at all what you're asking for), I can't see any reason why you couldn't get support for your request.

Let's be honest, we say "Corypheus can wait" on a lot of things less important than that in this game, like harvesting various plants or rocks.

 

Sadly the only reason that thread got Allan's attention was because someone complained to him that a thread asking for something to be put in the game is offensive to people asking for representation when nowhere did it do anything even close to that. As for antagonizing, I try not to but like any discussion sometimes things get heated when two sides are set against each other. Have enough friction and eventually you get flames. And yeah, I'm not claiming they all must end like that. Being an option for all maybe, but not a definite part. 

[Ynqve]

Let's be honest, we say "Corypheus can wait" on a lot of things less important than that in this game, like harvesting various plants or rocks.

 

Sadly the only reason that thread got Allan's attention was because someone complained to him that a thread asking for something to be put in the game is offensive to people asking for representation when nowhere did it do anything even close to that. As for antagonizing, I try not to. And yeah, I'm not claiming they all must end like that. Being an option for all maybe, but not a definite part. 

 

Hah, I guess that's true. Unless the Inquisitor turns into one of those Bridezillas who spends months obsessing over every tiny detail of their wedding day. On the other hand, that could be hilarious.

 

Honestly? I thought you got out of line when you compared your desire for a marriage plot with the struggles of the LGBT community. But that's a different discussion all together.