Now, we know we haven't been presented in the best of light but just let me take a minute of your time to tell you about all the advantages of the Taint.
First of all, aren't you tired of cooking, or having to stop whatever your doing to eat, or drink? What about going to the bathroom? With the Taint you won't have to worry about any of that! The Taint sustains you, no longer will you have to eat, poo, drink or pee. But Mr Spawn, you will say, what if I still want to eat? Well don't worry, you can still do it if you want to, all of those are not things you can't do, but optional! And everybody loves to have more options.
Speaking of health, since you will have the Taint you will no longer have to worry about contracting any diseases, even more, welcome to inmortality! Yes, become a darkspawn and you will not be able to die from natural reasons. But what about unnatural reasons Mr Spawn? Well, thanks to our blood magic mcguffin you will be able to body hop.
Yes, we are not offering you to become one of those old, boring darkspawn. Thanks to the blood magic mcguffin you will be able to body hop and control those darkspawn. Want a feet massage? They will even thank you for the opportunity.
But now, enough about biology. As we all know everybody loves music, and having the Taint will allow you to listen to the most amazing song that has ever existed. Some people have said that the Song had mind control capabilities, but after they listened to It every single one retired those false accusations. I should know, I'm listening to it right now and let me tell you, there hasn't been a composer in history that made anything even close to it.
Of course some foolish people may say: You are evil, for fucks sake, you are called Darkspawn. Well, that's just like when Batman says that he is the night, their part of the marketing campaign. How do we, the Darkspawn, know about Batman? Because he's Batman, of course.
And the price for all these perks? Uglyness. I'll be blunt, we are ugly as hell but anyone should know that true beauty is on the inside, plus, you'll have an inmortal life to get used to it.
So what are you waiting for? Go to your nearest darkspawn and ask for a drink. We want you, to be as awesome as we are
*Side effects may include: becoming a member of the potty brigade, growing several mammaries and tentacles (we do it for the fetish honestly), general growing in height and muscle mass and newfound appreciation of really old dragons.
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