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[Peregrinus]

I get passionate and, yet, really boring when I start to obsess-ramble, so thanks.

 

(I also abandoned this project last year when I started taking on clients, so double thanks. I might actually finish the edits this year, since there's some encouragement ).

I'm fairly certain I'm not the only reader who really likes the what if alternate history scenarios.    It's definitely a more difficult thing to write in comparison to a pure fantasy/sci-fi. 

[Ncongruous]

There are some really good stories here. I was half expecting all of these to be fan fiction on Dragon Age/Mass Effect. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just pleasantly surprised with the wide array of influences and settings. Also I learned that puberal is a word. As a logophile I thank you for that one TUHD. Fundamentalist Nail... wow. A bit melancholy but extremely interesting storytelling. Invisible Man that is really dark stuff for a nine year old. XD Frank Miller fan?
 
Is Cyan Griffonclaw banned? Is that why you are posting his story Peregrinus?
 
I'm a sucker for short stories. Not necessarily "baby shoes" short but I enjoy the deliberate pragmatism of them. And so I feel this thread would make as good a nursery as it would a graveyard for the ad hoc story that I have running in the PC concerns thread. Originally meant as an allegorical jest, it pensively drags on in a similarly unrewarding path. As such there is no beginning, end or even a title. Feel free to come up with a title though. Leaning towards "The Day After Tweets".
 
Day 386

Spoiler

Some of the survivors have taken to forming various enclaves of different ideologies. Others though, fewer in number, that are not currently committed, vacillate between the established groups. The paucity of food and clean drinking water is dehumanizing. We all long for a gentler spring. Yet it seems, it will be a lifetime before then.
 
Paul is sick. I fear it will not be long.

Day 401

Spoiler

Paul died. We reluctantly... we ate Paul. We didn't speak about it afterwards. I remember that we just stared at his lifeless corpse laying there. He was the funny one up to the very end. He was a good one and he will be missed. And still, we took a vote. I voted against it but in the dark parts of my mind I know I wanted to vote for it or knew it would still come to that decision with or without my input. I understand our position. As monstrous as it was we all accepted what we had done and continued on. Please let spring arrive soon.

Day 435

Spoiler

I made a grave marker for Paul. Not too far from the house. Not super safe. And not close enough to remind me us constantly. It's the least I could do - any - of us could do. I can't forget it. I won't forget it.
 
Spring is almost here and the warmth has bought our group some civility. It's still dangerous encountering others. We try to stay out of their way. It's safer. I'm thinking about what to do now. Which is an odd thought. I haven't had the chance for a very long time. We need to establish a sustainable food source. I've brought it up with the others many times. Not one of us can farm though some can hunt. I had a garden once. I think that'll help.

Day 461

Spoiler

My free time sends my nose hounding the sill. I stare, every now and then, out the 3^rd floor window and imagine what it's like just beyond the trees. Wondering still if anything could have been different - could be different.

Growing food is proving difficult. The ground is way too hard still. Rumbling stomachs but at least the hunting isn't so bad. Sara found a dog, friendly and nice she says. She was going to name it Hope. Trevor shot it through the eye just before it reached her outstretched hand she tells me. She was furious when she came back. Trevor couldn't commiserate and instead was happy to show us all his catch. As terrible as it must have been for Sara... I cannot argue the purpose guiding what Trevor did. I'll make note to save a dog, when we're better off.

Day 477

Spoiler

We're rudderless. Yet it doesn't matter when the ship is beached on the reefs yes?

It's getting warmer still. Carl used some of his time away from the "lab" to make a calendar... sort of. He took an old calendar and taped strips of paper over the days with the correct numbers. Trevor said it was pointless. Argued that what day it was didn't matter. Everyone sort of indifferently shrugged not caring so much. But not Sara, probably because of the dog incident. Sara said that it might not matter now, but it'll matter later. When things aren't bleak. When we aren't living day to day. She didn't shout. She just explained. Trevor just kind of awkwardly chuckled in rebuttal.

The sprouts for the green beans are coming in! At least I think they were green bean seeds. Honestly, just seeing something grow in that hidden away garden gives me hope. Makes the world outside an iota more tolerable. Prenons du bons temps.

Day 487

Spoiler

I was in the garden doing what little can be done to help when Carl came out of the house and suddenly asked if I had seen Trevor. I hadn't. Not since yesterday I explained. He was distressed and beckoned me to follow him back into the house. This was probably a long time coming.
 
The group gathered to talk about what happened and take inventory. We discovered Trevor took a rifle, some of the food and water in his absconding. This came at a bad time. Then again, when's a good time? I suspect he will not be coming back any time soon. Sara seemed spitefully happy over the turn of events even though it puts a strain on our tenuous holding.
 
With Trevor's leaving I opted to help with hunting. I have never even fired a gun before and the idea of it made me nervous. As it turns out it didn't matter because I was handed a spear. I assumed it was a joke at first. But Carl smiled back sincerely and then encouraged me to try to use it. As if the spear was some profoundly complex tool that would be unwieldy. I simply sighed while Sara chuckled a bit.

Day 506

Spoiler

Sara and I were hunting a group of deer when we stumbled across someone. His name was Simon he claimed. Sara greeted him a bit guardedly but I remained warily silent. He was very interested in others if there were any. It struck me with an undeniable sense of unease. My heart beating so loudly that when Sara called out to me I missed it. When she grabbed my arm and pulled me back to reality I told her no in a low flat tone. Knew the question was about meeting the rest. Too much risk. In her reaction I noticed that she was frightened but not of him.

What do I know I asked myself as we led Simon back to our camp but in the pit of stomach I grew more comfortable as we neared the house. Maybe he's just another lost. Looking for a suitable place to eke out.

Everyone was understandably on guard at first. Simon is quickly proving a capable extra hand. Helped me out with my garden even. Sara gets along with him well enough which will hasten his acceptance.

Day 548

Spoiler

Sara has been sick lately. Nausea. Simon has been keeping after her though. I guess they are an item now. Which is awesome... Yup. Not jealous at all. Not lonely. Starting to think this journal is a person which is rightly scary. Carl took you out of my hands and faked throwing you. His remark afterward being that I resembled a “none too happy labrador”. I won't let anyone hurt you, don't worry.
 
The plants are really coming into their own. They are in fact potato plants according to Simon. Go figure. After all this time. Just now seeing it for what it is.
 
Now the bad news. This still isn't all a dream and at night over the last few days there have been lights in the distance. And not flashlights. Fires. Large enough to glow in the distance. Please let this not be a threat moving this way.

Day 563

Spoiler

There was a disagreement. The fires and noise continue this way. I heard a car horn yesterday while hunting. Too afraid to investigate. Like a coward I carefully made my way back to the house. This pensiveness drowns me. I wish and hope against my better judgment that it will be fine. The others feel it is time to move. If only temporarily. But Sara and Simon...
 
Sara is pregnant. Not too far in, but she's afraid to leave even with the looming risk. If not now than when? Simon I believe reticently defends her decision but I am overwhelmed with this polarizing notion that we should leave all the same. The house, the garden - the markers. They are things at this point. I'm doing a halfhearted job to convince Sara and myself that it's the right thing to do. I fear that once again a decision will be made wherein I am unerringly irrelevant.
 
I think about what'll happen to this place in our absence. Wonder if we'll even need to come back. I'll pay my respects to Paul's marker while I have time. We could really use his courage right now.

[Peregrinus]

There are some really good stories here. I was half expecting all of these to be fan fiction on Dragon Age/Mass Effect. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just pleasantly surprised with the wide array of influences and settings. Also I learned that puberal is a word. As a logophile I thank you for that one TUHD. Fundamentalist Nail... wow. A bit melancholy but extremely interesting storytelling. Invisible Man that is really dark stuff for a nine year old. XD Frank Miller fan?
 
Is Cyan Griffonclaw banned? Is that why you are posting his story Peregrinus?
 
I'm a sucker for short stories. Not necessarily "baby shoes" short but I enjoy the deliberate pragmatism of them. And so I feel this thread would make as good a nursery as it would a graveyard for the ad hoc story that I have running in the PC concerns thread. Originally meant as an allegorical jest, it pensively drags on in a similarly unrewarding path. As such there is no beginning, end or even a title. Feel free to come up with a title though. Leaning towards "The Day After Tweets".
 
Day 386

Spoiler

Some of the survivors have taken to forming various enclaves of different ideologies. Others though, fewer in number, that are not currently committed, vacillate between the established groups. The paucity of food and clean drinking water is dehumanizing. We all long for a gentler spring. Yet it seems, it will be a lifetime before then.
 
Paul is sick. I fear it will not be long.

Day 401

Spoiler

Paul died. We reluctantly... we ate Paul. We didn't speak about it afterwards. I remember that we just stared at his lifeless corpse laying there. He was the funny one up to the very end. He was a good one and he will be missed. And still, we took a vote. I voted against it but in the dark parts of my mind I know I wanted to vote for it or knew it would still come to that decision with or without my input. I understand our position. As monstrous as it was we all accepted what we had done and continued on. Please let spring arrive soon.

Day 435

Spoiler

I made a grave marker for Paul. Not too far from the house. Not super safe. And not close enough to remind me us constantly. It's the least I could do - any - of us could do. I can't forget it. I won't forget it.
 
Spring is almost here and the warmth has bought our group some civility. It's still dangerous encountering others. We try to stay out of their way. It's safer. I'm thinking about what to do now. Which is an odd thought. I haven't had the chance for a very long time. We need to establish a sustainable food source. I've brought it up with the others many times. Not one of us can farm though some can hunt. I had a garden once. I think that'll help.

Day 461

Spoiler

My free time sends my nose hounding the sill. I stare, every now and then, out the 3^rd floor window and imagine what it's like just beyond the trees. Wondering still if anything could have been different - could be different.

Growing food is proving difficult. The ground is way too hard still. Rumbling stomachs but at least the hunting isn't so bad. Sara found a dog, friendly and nice she says. She was going to name it Hope. Trevor shot it through the eye just before it reached her outstretched hand she tells me. She was furious when she came back. Trevor couldn't commiserate and instead was happy to show us all his catch. As terrible as it must have been for Sara... I cannot argue the purpose guiding what Trevor did. I'll make note to save a dog, when we're better off.

Day 477

Spoiler

We're rudderless. Yet it doesn't matter when the ship is beached on the reefs yes?

It's getting warmer still. Carl used some of his time away from the "lab" to make a calendar... sort of. He took an old calendar and taped strips of paper over the days with the correct numbers. Trevor said it was pointless. Argued that what day it was didn't matter. Everyone sort of indifferently shrugged not caring so much. But not Sara, probably because of the dog incident. Sara said that it might not matter now, but it'll matter later. When things aren't bleak. When we aren't living day to day. She didn't shout. She just explained. Trevor just kind of awkwardly chuckled in rebuttal.

The sprouts for the green beans are coming in! At least I think they were green bean seeds. Honestly, just seeing something grow in that hidden away garden gives me hope. Makes the world outside an iota more tolerable. Prenons du bons temps.

No idea but Cyan disappeared a few days so I posted it for him on his behalf. I'm not sure he's aware this sub forum was created.   

[Peregrinus]

There are some really good stories here. I was half expecting all of these to be fan fiction on Dragon Age/Mass Effect. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just pleasantly surprised with the wide array of influences and settings. Also I learned that puberal is a word. As a logophile I thank you for that one TUHD. Fundamentalist Nail... wow. A bit melancholy but extremely interesting storytelling. Invisible Man that is really dark stuff for a nine year old. XD Frank Miller fan?
 
Is Cyan Griffonclaw banned? Is that why you are posting his story Peregrinus?
 
I'm a sucker for short stories. Not necessarily "baby shoes" short but I enjoy the deliberate pragmatism of them. And so I feel this thread would make as good a nursery as it would a graveyard for the ad hoc story that I have running in the PC concerns thread. Originally meant as an allegorical jest, it pensively drags on in a similarly unrewarding path. As such there is no beginning, end or even a title. Feel free to come up with a title though. Leaning towards "The Day After Tweets".
 
Day 386

Spoiler

Some of the survivors have taken to forming various enclaves of different ideologies. Others though, fewer in number, that are not currently committed, vacillate between the established groups. The paucity of food and clean drinking water is dehumanizing. We all long for a gentler spring. Yet it seems, it will be a lifetime before then.
 
Paul is sick. I fear it will not be long.

Day 401

Spoiler

Paul died. We reluctantly... we ate Paul. We didn't speak about it afterwards. I remember that we just stared at his lifeless corpse laying there. He was the funny one up to the very end. He was a good one and he will be missed. And still, we took a vote. I voted against it but in the dark parts of my mind I know I wanted to vote for it or knew it would still come to that decision with or without my input. I understand our position. As monstrous as it was we all accepted what we had done and continued on. Please let spring arrive soon.

Day 435

Spoiler

I made a grave marker for Paul. Not too far from the house. Not super safe. And not close enough to remind me us constantly. It's the least I could do - any - of us could do. I can't forget it. I won't forget it.
 
Spring is almost here and the warmth has bought our group some civility. It's still dangerous encountering others. We try to stay out of their way. It's safer. I'm thinking about what to do now. Which is an odd thought. I haven't had the chance for a very long time. We need to establish a sustainable food source. I've brought it up with the others many times. Not one of us can farm though some can hunt. I had a garden once. I think that'll help.

Day 461

Spoiler

My free time sends my nose hounding the sill. I stare, every now and then, out the 3^rd floor window and imagine what it's like just beyond the trees. Wondering still if anything could have been different - could be different.

Growing food is proving difficult. The ground is way too hard still. Rumbling stomachs but at least the hunting isn't so bad. Sara found a dog, friendly and nice she says. She was going to name it Hope. Trevor shot it through the eye just before it reached her outstretched hand she tells me. She was furious when she came back. Trevor couldn't commiserate and instead was happy to show us all his catch. As terrible as it must have been for Sara... I cannot argue the purpose guiding what Trevor did. I'll make note to save a dog, when we're better off.

Day 477

Spoiler

We're rudderless. Yet it doesn't matter when the ship is beached on the reefs yes?

It's getting warmer still. Carl used some of his time away from the "lab" to make a calendar... sort of. He took an old calendar and taped strips of paper over the days with the correct numbers. Trevor said it was pointless. Argued that what day it was didn't matter. Everyone sort of indifferently shrugged not caring so much. But not Sara, probably because of the dog incident. Sara said that it might not matter now, but it'll matter later. When things aren't bleak. When we aren't living day to day. She didn't shout. She just explained. Trevor just kind of awkwardly chuckled in rebuttal.

The sprouts for the green beans are coming in! At least I think they were green bean seeds. Honestly, just seeing something grow in that hidden away garden gives me hope. Makes the world outside an iota more tolerable. Prenons du bons temps.

Your story kinda got dark there..    I like your writing style.  

[Invisible Man]

There are some really good stories here. I was half expecting all of these to be fan fiction on Dragon Age/Mass Effect. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just pleasantly surprised with the wide array of influences and settings. Also I learned that puberal is a word. As a logophile I thank you for that one TUHD. Fundamentalist Nail... wow. A bit melancholy but extremely interesting storytelling. Invisible Man that is really dark stuff for a nine year old. XD Frank Miller fan? Is Cyan Griffonclaw banned? Is that why you are posting his story Peregrinus? I'm a sucker for short stories. Not necessarily "baby shoes" short but I enjoy the deliberate pragmatism of them. And so I feel this thread would make as good a nursery as it would a graveyard for the ad hoc story that I have running in the PC concerns thread. Originally meant as an allegorical jest, it pensively drags on in a similarly unrewarding path. As such there is no beginning, end or even a title. Feel free to come up with a title though. Leaning towards "The Day After Tweets". Day 386

Spoiler

Some of the survivors have taken to forming various enclaves of different ideologies. Others though, fewer in number, that are not currently committed, vacillate between the established groups. The paucity of food and clean drinking water is dehumanizing. We all long for a gentler spring. Yet it seems, it will be a lifetime before then. Paul is sick. I fear it will not be long.

Day 401

Spoiler

Paul died. We reluctantly... we ate Paul. We didn't speak about it afterwards. I remember that we just stared at his lifeless corpse laying there. He was the funny one up to the very end. He was a good one and he will be missed. And still, we took a vote. I voted against it but in the dark parts of my mind I know I wanted to vote for it or knew it would still come to that decision with or without my input. I understand our position. As monstrous as it was we all accepted what we had done and continued on. Please let spring arrive soon.

Day 435

Spoiler

I made a grave marker for Paul. Not too far from the house. Not super safe. And not close enough to remind me us constantly. It's the least I could do - any - of us could do. I can't forget it. I won't forget it. Spring is almost here and the warmth has bought our group some civility. It's still dangerous encountering others. We try to stay out of their way. It's safer. I'm thinking about what to do now. Which is an odd thought. I haven't had the chance for a very long time. We need to establish a sustainable food source. I've brought it up with the others many times. Not one of us can farm though some can hunt. I had a garden once. I think that'll help.

Day 461

Spoiler

My free time sends my nose hounding the sill. I stare, every now and then, out the 3^rd floor window and imagine what it's like just beyond the trees. Wondering still if anything could have been different - could be different.Growing food is proving difficult. The ground is way too hard still. Rumbling stomachs but at least the hunting isn't so bad. Sara found a dog, friendly and nice she says. She was going to name it Hope. Trevor shot it through the eye just before it reached her outstretched hand she tells me. She was furious when she came back. Trevor couldn't commiserate and instead was happy to show us all his catch. As terrible as it must have been for Sara... I cannot argue the purpose guiding what Trevor did. I'll make note to save a dog, when we're better off.

Day 477

Spoiler

We're rudderless. Yet it doesn't matter when the ship is beached on the reefs yes?It's getting warmer still. Carl used some of his time away from the "lab" to make a calendar... sort of. He took an old calendar and taped strips of paper over the days with the correct numbers. Trevor said it was pointless. Argued that what day it was didn't matter. Everyone sort of indifferently shrugged not caring so much. But not Sara, probably because of the dog incident. Sara said that it might not matter now, but it'll matter later. When things aren't bleak. When we aren't living day to day. She didn't shout. She just explained. Trevor just kind of awkwardly chuckled in rebuttal.The sprouts for the green beans are coming in! At least I think they were green bean seeds. Honestly, just seeing something grow in that hidden away garden gives me hope. Makes the world outside an iota more tolerable. Prenons du bones temps.

I'll be the first to admit I was a messed up kid. Lol
Nice story BTW. If a tad morbid, though I've always been fond of morbid.

---edit
I've added more tidbits to my not so little story, I'd say I'm a bit more than halfway done with the first chapter, hopefully i'll finish it within the next two or three days, then on to chapter 2.

---edit added a bit more, the last few bits are basically hot off my mind, so likely full of errors and whatnot. enjoy.

[Invisible Man]

I've added another batch of words to my story, I spent a lot of time on this, and it's late, I haven't even proof read it yet, and I'd likely miss most of the errors anyway, but here it is. hope you enjoy it.

---edit
didn't mean to double post.

---edit
more spelling fixes, complements of my mom again.

[Invisible Man]

I'm really, really sorry for triple posting, but I figured this could use a post all to itself. I've posted more text in my story, I'm nearly finished with chapter 1, there's still a little more to go though... but, I'm nearly there.

[Peregrinus]

deleted.

[Invisible Man]

I've been too busy trying to write this from memory to proofread it, and my head is too fried at the moment, working my memory too hard and all, haven't noticed the past/present tense issue though, but I'll check it at some point.

---edit
typo

[Peregrinus]

I do and thank you for the concern. My brothers-in-arms. I'm on a writing burst so I better open another post.

@Cyan  Welcome back! I saw your post about coming back from Pax. Anything interesting? <--- nm this part. I read your post on PC players.  Hey, you might also consider using a spoiler tag so you can add to the story without having it spread all over the thread.  Bethgael's idea and a good one I think.     

[Invisible Man]

I've basically finished chapter 1, need to polish the last bit (it's more than a bit actually), as I think I was rushing it too much. i'll post it when I think it's at least "edible".

---edit
I've gone over the text again (the 16 or so pages worth of it), this time starting with the last paragraph, and working to the first, different perspective or something, still haven't spotted the past/present tense issue mentioned, do I have some new disorder or something, timeblindness I guess you'd call it, or maybe I'm just too tired, or my mind is still frizzled from overuse?

---edit again
as for the remaining 6-7 pages I haven't posted, if people can't wait, let me know and I might post it, though I'm not sure it will hold up to the rest of the story I've posted thus far, and it also ends on a small cliffhanger, I will not start chapter 2 till I'm happy with chapter 1, no matter how bad the blacklash maybe, lol.

[Invisible Man]

the tense issue, is it the very first paragraph you're talking about? it's supposed to sound like that... if that's not it, then I got nothing.

[Invisible Man]

Spoiler

Revered Mother Perpetua welcomed the templars into the entrance alcove of the Chantry. Anders was quiet and sullen.

"Revered Mother... exactly what is the complication," asked Dayved.

"It's me," said Anders. "May we talk in private?"

"Yes," stated the oldest Templar who was feeling more aged by each passing second. "Templars, gather your belongings to lodge here for the next few nights."

Revered Mother Perpetua, "Sorry Dayved, but it will be just for tonight."

Revered Mother led Anders and Dayved to her quarters and office at the back of the Chantry. There she beckoned them both to sit down.

"Uh... Revered Mother," asked Dayved. "The templars are out or running very short on lyrium, do you..."

Anders interrupts, "I can fix that. I can't fix the benefits of using lyrium, but I can release them of their dependence on it. That's not an issue."

"Not an issue?!?" said Dayved. "Maker's breath! Are you daft?"

"Yes he is," interjected Revered Mother, "And there are four of us here."

Dayved looked at the Revered Mother with growing confusion.

"You were cured by Justice, not me," said Anders, still hanging his head.

"Justice? I still don't understand..." stated Dayved who was now shaking his right leg with growing impatience.

"Justice is a spirit of the Fade and now resides in Anders," said the Revered Mother. "This is completely out of experience and realm. Dayved. Dayved?"

Dayved sat stunned in his chair. A Revered Mother calmly explained that a denizen of the Fade has taken residence inside an apostate and she isn't ordering him to kill Anders.

"Who else knows of this?" asked Dayved. "This is going to be very messy if..."

In a voice uncharacteristically of Anders, "It will. I set you free Templar. I can set the other four free as well. I am Justice."

"No. I am spirit," said Dayved who launched himself out of his seat. With a drawn sword to a very stoic Anders, "Look carefully spirit... I am the one who answers the call. I am the one..."

"..who put a dozen elven women and children to death near the Brecillian Forest for carrying the blight."

The words hit home to Dayved. He could not respond. He felt the darkness of the shadows swirling in the candlelight wrap around him. "You know nothing of justice," said the possessed Anders. "You only solve problems that are inconvenient to nobles or chantry officials. You are just a tool."

Dayved, unsure what to do now, looked at Revered Mother for some kind of help or advice.

"Anders... or Justice... you are considered an abomination in the eyes of the Chantry. You are not in any position to judge the faithful," said Revered Mother. "You have been a blessing to the sick and wounded, but you must go from here."

"Andraste's ******... I know where this is leading..." said Dayved under his breath.

I liked that, a lot.

[Invisible Man]

This old dog can learn new tricks. By the way, my tail is wagging. I can't wait to bury a bone in here.

wish I had a tail... *sigh*

[Peregrinus]

the tense issue, is it the very first paragraph you're talking about? it's supposed to sound like that... if that's not it, then I got nothing.

Yes, and I'll read it again.  Maybe it's just your writing style that makes it seem to be that.  I'm just a bit worn out so it could be just that.   

[Invisible Man]

ok, that makes sense. the narrative is Becket thinking, or i guess it's more accurate to say it's me thinking, while pretending to be Becket thinking... or something like that. i was trying to give the impression that he'd been there for hours, without stating i was standing there for 5 hours, and this is what i thought at various stages.

---edit
i guess it doesn't help that i like to be poetic, and i try to keep things at a kind of poetic pace. like it's a story told in poetic verse.