I visited the forums again tonight and I'm seeing a common thread among healthy conversations - that exact thing. Conversations where people are talking to, not at.
Have to wonder what can be done to foster and encourage that kind of environment. It's obviously a good thing. We see evidence of it in some of the tougher, yet more successful threads. It also makes sense on a human level. People don't respond well when the stage for debate is already set. This kind of discussion respects those involved.
One way to fail at creating "that kind of environment", of talking with instead of talking at, is to imitate Tumblr. What do I mean?
Within any fandom, fans become incredibly passionate about characters they love, to the point where any criticism of said character could be seen as a personal attack. Not unlike the discussion about sexuality I mentioned earlier. I've seen dissenting opinion regarded as idiocy. "How dare you criticize [character X]! You could only come to that conclusion if you didn't [read X book, play X storyline in the game, etc]." In this instance, one assumes that these other fans are not as informed as you are and, if they were, they'd come to the exact same conclusions. Should they not, they must be stupid, biased, or incapable of rational thought.
As an example, here's a Tumblr post that exemplifies these points: "Seriously have any of you even read The Stolen Throne? Do you know anything about the Purple Cloak battle? ****** read The Stolen Throne before you dismiss Loghain as a character and decide to constantly make anyone who likes him feel like ****. So yeah, if Ostagar factors in at all to your reasons for hating Loghain you can’t convince me you aren’t either a hardcore Alistair fan or a bioware apologist."
So there you have it. The author assumes that everyone reading The Stolen Throne will have the same realizations, interpret the content in the same way, and reach the same conclusions as they do. Moreover, while the author claims that Loghain fans are attacked for their support of the character, it goes both ways. I've got a friend that has been visciously attacked for not being a Loghain supporter. Male Loghain fans accused her of being an emotional woman who does not use Reason and Logic. Even the author of the Tumblr post, while claiming to have been made to feel bad, returns the favor by arguing for a false dichotomy, where Loghain critics or detractors are either "BioWare apologists" (whatever that means; David Gaider has gone on record as saying that Loghain is one of his favorite creations) or a fanboy for Alistair, as if that were an insult in itself (and also implying that Alistair fans are incapable of critical thinking or something).
That the author adds the condition of "if Ostagar factors in at all to your reasons for hating Loghain..." isn't that relevant. It's simply another example of assuming that people who don't like Loghain are sheep or whatever who lack critical thinking skills. The thing is, one's opinion is no less legitimate for only going on the content within the games. And one is no less a "real fan" for only having played the games.
Now there is more to the post I linked to, but the rest of it is simply opinion, not fact. Opinions not very convincingly argued, either. And I'm someone who does think that Loghain is an interesting and complex character. Maybe Loghain fans have been personally attacked. It wouldn't surprise me. But unlike, say, the discussion of GLBTQ civil rights in America, where there is clearly a wrong side to be on (e.g. agreeing with anything said on FOX News), Loghain is a complex character with good and bad about him. People can choose to focus on one or the other and love or hate him accordingly. The Tumblr posts' author shat on any and all possible opinions that disagree with their own with nothing but personal attacks and ideas that don't seem to hold much water; to me, at least. (This isn't even getting into the problem of a romanticized or glamorized version of a character by fans versus who the character actually is in-game.)
These elements of wanting to lash out for feeling victimized, operating on base assumptions about other fans that one does not know with certainty are true, and treating differing opinions as either a personal attack or inferior, make conversation within a fandom a challenge.
Solutions are hard to come by, too. Understanding one's motivations can help. Do you want to listen to a differing perspective from your own, try to understand the other fans POV, and engage them either to convince them of your own POV or maybe just to share? Or do you want to belittle, disrespect, or mansplain why their opinion is wrong?
Has anyone had any luck simply calling out when someone isn't being constructive? Caja tried that in her thread, and the offending parties simply left to make their own threads, where they could freely assume that no other opinions but their own have any legitimacy.