*NORDIC LITERATURE ALERT*
Please, refrain from reading further if you tried but didn't like the classics of Nordic literature. It's somewhat specific in term of narrative and surely wasn't designed to be relaxing, it's more of the history thing.
Well, got some free time here folks, so I've decided to lean a little back and bring you here a little reinvented classics. One who finds first the original saga used as a reference gets a little yet entertaining RPG surprize from me. So...
The Patch For A Patch For A Patch Saga
Chapter I - Dragon Age Inquisition Origins
There was a Dragon Age: Inquisition, the son of Dragon Age II, who was the son of Dragon Age: Origins. Dragon Age: Origins was a brother to the Witcher, the mother of the Witcher II: Assassins of Kings, the father of the Witcher III: The Wild hunt.
DAI's grandfather came from the honoured family of old, featuring the Lord of The Rings bloodline and the famous Bioware RPG one.
Origins was a last of his kind, as the ones who came after him were less faithful to the legacy of the both lines.
Yet Origins was great.
Origins was a grim buddy with constant feel of dread and disgust about the utterly violent and unnesessarily cruel darkspawn threat.
Origins loved complicated scheming and character building, attributes allocating on level-ups and the specializations that were hard to find yet very, very useful in the means of customizing the gameplay.
Origins was very fond of going through the tons of random loot, yet very generous on unique items and even quest-related item sets.
Origins was a humourous one, with a strong feels for a lot above average sense of it. While not all the jokes were politically correct and some could be considered offensive those were fun. 'Isn't fun a point of humour' we will ask in due time, but it's for a later.
DAI's grandmother relations were mostly in Scifiland and Actionland. She was a great game of her own with the largest fulfilled ambition in the whole genre. She was so great that some people still worship her as an icon for the Bioware Action Games family. Some folks say that she is a close relative to the Bioware RPG family, which makes this engagement of hers to the Origins an incest, but we've already dismissed that claim.
Ah yes, her name was Mass Effect. While we have to say that there should be another saga about Mass Effect franchise alone, somethings have to be stated here and now.
She was a great commander of old, and used to harry players away in the Scifiland over the screen. She was accompanied on these expeditions by one Gears of War, the Epic Action Game descendant. Another comrade of theirs was named Knights of the Old Republic 2, the bastard of the RPG genre. They all had ships, all well equipped. And then they banged, okay? That's how Mass Effect 2 was born.
On her return she banged with the Origins (because it was a true love, consistent shared story and really interesting characters - so much in common!), which wasn't very fun to the crowd. Resulting birth of Dragon Age II wasn't accepted as greatly as it definitely should, well, because kid didn't look like Origins at all. While we can understand why the feelings about the kid were mostly gruesome.
Years passed, and the Dragon Age II was taught at school about tolerance. And the teachers did their job well - DA2 was a male in his intentions at first (as, well, his sex was male, that's organic and everything) but then switched to be a male-to-female transgender. You know, to better resemble the mother (Mass Effect), as she was so great and so popular so that she couldn't ever be missed on a shelf.
But then the feminist and the other mentally opressed parties marched in, claiming that being a transgender doesn't mean you're politically correct enough to be called a modern RPG game. That was a hard claim. Then EA, the Godfather and Godmother in one for this world, sang:
"No joy is mine since the profits came low.
Many the sorrows that o'er me lower.
Crowd holds you for nought; this thought is the worst
of all that oppresses my sorrowing purse."
And the poor, poor DA2, who was fine and light in his heart (sharing the inner strength of the character-related writing with the parents) came the first gay male-to-female transgender videogame. Many say that you shouldn't become a M2F transgender to bang women, but we have dismissed that claim aswell.
DA2 was a very controversial videogame with a weak scent of financial success. Poor thing lived his... her... er... her, I think... life in forgetfulness in the middle of nowhere right until the allmighty EA desided they need more money for their smart plots. Then EA sang:
"Bloody purse holes. Didst thou see money flee?
Me low profits received from thee.
Braver are many in word than in deed.
Thou, slave, didst fail when it came to the post-release."
Then EA handed over to DA2 a child that was previously created by some mortal demiurges. Child was a pretty-looking one, shiney, smiley, cutey and overall atmospheric. His first and secret name was Frostbite 3, a strong male name for a son of war. He had a lot of sisters and brothers. As those were crafted, and not born in a usual organic name, they were all but the same in the beginning. Differences came later as a result of parents education and nurture.
DA2 was shocked! How could ...er... she give some education and nurture to the kid EA handed over... without a hint? DA2, for the EA sake, had a psychic trauma of being a left behind gay male-to-female transgender (known issue) and no teaching talents. All DA2 posessed was a true heart and true blood of a Bioware game that she got from her parents.
And then DA2 sang:
"Goddess of cash! Ill fate would meet him,
Because you gave him nothing but want everything.
Brave this I will; matter not what I feel
Over the creation of my own left under hill"
And then DA2 became a mother for Dragon Age: Inquisition, which was a challenge no one ever faced.
Attention! This little project of mine is under work. Please, check back later to see what was the Dragon Age: Inquisition childhood back at home, in the middle of nowhere under the hands of his daring parent DA2.
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