I'm gonna go with you being high as a kite
Yeah, I'm at a state of the art neuro hospital, and the nurses kept coming in looking at my screen and saying, is that a video game? No, it's real life elf and dwarf reality tv in Thedas. Either forty year old women don't play video games, or they were really impressed by the graphics...perhaps both.
Guest_Donkson_*
Aw geez..ya are not supposed to go
over trolling! Damn...now I'm out of ammo
Use your biotic powers instead. 
Use your biotic powers instead.
So it's about home o'clock and i'm dead tired.
Cat dude out!
My best friend has that problem too. Always in and out of the hospital.
Not that I want anyone to ever have this issue, but sometimes I feel like the only person in the world who games to get away from pain. I know it can't be true. I'm sorry about your friend. It is a crap problem; Tell him, sorry. I say him, mostly men suffer from cluster headaches, I'm the only woman I've ever met that has them.
Well, I'm off to Thedas. DQ later, peeps. Many hugs, and pink elephants for the future.
I game to escape emotional pain rather then physical pain.. and to escape needing to actually talk to people. My phobia of talking on the phone helps in that case too. Glad you found a way to deal with the migraines Femshem, my boyfriend has the same sort of thing (headaches and migraines almost daily). Hope you get back home soon.
**WE INTERRUPT THE DQ WITH THIS ANNOUNCEMENT**
BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND....
INTRODUCTING....
SALT AND DR. PEPPER 2: A SPICY REUNION
By Donkson (previously, HB)
(For those who have not read the original, please click this link and scroll down, until you find the FF section of said post http://forum.bioware...assuredly-nsfw/ )
***
The Iron Roy let out a gasp of pleasure, trying to contain herself as she grinded herself against Dr. Pepper's hard, glass figure.
They had been together for months, but Dr. Pepper had yet to properly make love to her.. the only sexual relief either of them had was limited to headjobs and grinding.. and quite frankly, Roy had had enough.
"I love you." She rasped at Dr. Pepper, as he stood there like an idiot as she humped him.
"I... love you too." He said in that strong, Alistair/Solas-like accent.
"Take me. My body is ready." She said.
He continued to stand like an idiot. "Err.. are you sure?" He asked nervously.
Roy nodded eagerly.
"Okay," He said. "Um.. turn around, and bend over. I'll do you from behind, it'll be easier."
"Why?" She asked, stopping her humping movement, latching her legs around his firm, glass waist.
"In case you haven't notice, I don't have a human penis." He sighed. "I can only ejaculate through my mouth, but first you must take my lid off."
"I won't get pregnant, will I?" Roy said, worried. "I mean.. not that there is anything wrong with that; I'm not ready to have kids yet, is all."
"I don't think I can get you pregnant." Dr. Pepper said, shrugging. "Wait.. that doesn't bother you, does it?"
Roy unlatched her legs, unscrewed his lid and bent over, getting into position for him. "Just shut up and do me. Now!"
Dr. Pepper took a deep breath, bent forward so his neck was aligned with her private parts. Little did he know.. he should have kept his lid on.
***
A few days later, Roy shuffled into the bar looking and feeling like crap. Everything was the same as usual; Voly, who had consulted a blood mage to give him a new disguise as a templar human, was operating the jukebox and trying to impress the ladies with his knowledge of old, lame country music. They just nodded politely while not taking any notice.
Donk was in her own corner, swearing, acting crazy and getting lap dances from hot, naked Asari.
Everything seemed to stop, however, when all the patrons noticed Roy was wearing an ugly brown coat that was far too big for her. She was almost able to use it as a tent.
"What the (censored) are you looking at, huh?" She snarled, then sat down at a table by herself.
Taking the hint, everyone went back to their own business, occasionally whispering and staring at the Roy, horrified at this new.. outfit, she was wearing.
Cabot strolled over. "Hey, you look down. Can I get you a Dr. Pepper?" He asked, politely.
Roy rolled her eyes, and stood up suddenly, using the stand over tactic. "No, you cannot. Just the thought of drinking Dr. Pepper right now makes me sick to my (censored) stomach!" With that, she performed a karate kick square in the nuts, the impact was so huge that Cabot's eyes simply glazed over in shock and he collapsed onto the ground, comatose.
The party stopped, and everyone was looking at the Roy again. "Stop (censored) looking at me, you conniving (censored)!" She yelled again.
She sat down again, and buried her face in her hands. Her face was red and she felt like grabbing a bow and going on a massacre. She couldn't comprehend what was happening to her; she loved Dr. Pepper, so why would the thought of drinking it turn her off so much right now?
And nothing could explain the very large swelling on her pubic bone. God, if anybody saw it.. they would think she'd grown a very large dangly bag overnight.
She had to tell somebody, but who?
Looking around, she spotted Donk. While she liked Donk, there was no way in hell she would tell her. Donk would probably make fun of her relentlessly, then she would be inclined to put an arrow in her arse.
Then there was Voly... wait, no. He has enough problems. First, he had to change his identity to save himself from the embarrassment of giving birth to his own child, not to mention constant harassment about child support for his other "children".
Just like a miracle, Paragon strolled into the bar, with a tray of green cookies in her hands. "Cookies, mateys!" She announced.
Roy spun around, and beckoned to her trustworthy friend. Paragon nodded, handed out cookies to eager patrons, then made her way over.
"Hey mate," She greeted her cheerfully. "What's up? What's with the um.. outfit?"
"Something strange is happening to me," Roy confided, her lips trembling, "I can't drink Dr. Pepper any more, Paragon! And -- and -- I have this weird bulge on my pelvis.. what's going on? Did somebody curse me?"
Paragon stared at her blankly for a few moments. "I don't know what to say."
"Darn it!" Roy hissed, slamming her fist on the table. "You gotta help me!"
Suddenly, Paragon's attention was focused on the entrance to the bar. "Um.. Roy? You might wanna turn around."
Roy rolled her eyes in frustration, then spun around, nearly having a heart attack. Staggering in, was a very drunken Alistair. But he wasn't the handsome prince he once was; oh no, he had developed wrinkles, his hair was frayed and messy, and his teeth were yellow.
He dropped to the floor and crawled on the floor, talking gibberish and asking for a drink.
Roy buried her face in her hand. "Oh god.. not now! Not here!"
"Hey," Paragon said, "Didn't you say he was the king now?"
Perplexed, Roy nodded. "Yeah.. what the hell? He sure doesn't look like a king. I could have sworn I made him king on my playthrough, not a drunken loser. Ugh -- suppose I should go see how he's doing."
Standing up, she made her way over to the drunken mess that was supposed to be Alistair, and almost cringed at the uncomfortable feeling of her bulge bouncing up and down in her pelvic region. It was almost like having a third breast.. she briefly considered making some sort of bra for it.
Before she could reach Alistair, he had passed out. She swore. Unsure of what to do, Cabot ordered the patrons to carry him into the cellars to sleep it off. Hopefully he wouldn't freak out when he woke up.
Giggling mischievously, Maryden suddenly stopped lip syncing to the music playing in the bar and headed to the cellar when she thought people weren't watching. She winked at Donk before disappearing downstairs.
Donk sighed, and turned to the Asari sitting on her lap. "Great, more child support."
"Well... that was interesting." Paragon stated, ramming a green cookie in her mouth. Her eyes were suddenly bloodshot and she had a dopey expression on her face.
"Oh for..." Roy said. "You're high. Screw this (censored), I'm outta here."
Taking off as fast as she could, she headed outside in the cool night air, where it was quiet and peaceful and not full of so many morons.
Her heart seemed to jump and get stuck in her throat when she saw a figure in the distance. Slender, with a potato shaped head.. could it be!?
"SOLAS!!!!!" She yelled, running to get closer to the figure, her abnormal bulge bouncing and slapping her, slowing her down. Out of breath, she dropped to her knees and hugged Solas's legs.
"Greetings." He said to her. His voice was cold, emotionless, almost like he didn't care that he hadn't seen his love for such a long time.
"Where have you been?" Roy suddenly started crying, her emotions running wild. "I don't care that you caused a shitstorm, or helped Corypheus, or caused fades to open and tear apart the world.. or that you're some old god.. I missed you so much! Why did you leave me!?"
"Roy." Solas said quietly, still in that emotionless tone.
Looking up with wet, puppy dog eyes, she sniffled. "What's wrong? Aren't you happy to see me?"
"Roy. You are pregnant." He said, gently tapping her bulge with his foot.
TO BE CONTINUED.
OMG I nearly wet myself!! This line tipped me over the edge:
"I don't think I can get you pregnant." Dr. Pepper said, shrugging. "Wait.. that doesn't bother you, does it?"
You have talent Donk, you really do! It reminds me of Harvard Lampoon's Bored of the Rings 
So it's about home o'clock and i'm dead tired.
Cat dude out!
Yeah... cat...
Tempted to get the Avvar pack so I can put Staches in that Dude Avvar 'armor'.
Time for another Dr Pepper Float Float. CABOT!
Tempted to get the Avvar pack so I can put Staches in that Dude Avvar 'armor'.
Time for another Dr Pepper Float Float. CABOT!
interesting reason to get the pack, haha. i got it for the actual armour (not the paint) and the pony..
I just thought it would be funny as Hell.
OMG I nearly wet myself!! This line tipped me over the edge:
"I don't think I can get you pregnant." Dr. Pepper said, shrugging. "Wait.. that doesn't bother you, does it?"
You have talent Donk, you really do! It reminds me of Harvard Lampoon's Bored of the Rings
I am noticing one incident that both these stories have in common: Kicking Cabot in the balls.
You know, I rather like the warning point. Cabot, another drink!
Just look so happy with it.
Morning. *yawns and grumbles into her coffee*
Too bloody early. Grr.
Need more coffee.
Tempted to get the Avvar pack so I can put Staches in that Dude Avvar 'armor'.
Time for another Dr Pepper Float Float. CABOT!
*Drags a huge camera set to the shadows close to Staches room* 
Oh, don't mind me guys 
You know, I rather like the warning point. Cabot, another drink!
Just look so happy with it.
it suits you! Just don't go getting banned now, okay?You know, I rather like the warning point. Cabot, another drink!
Just look so happy with it.
Not that I want anyone to ever have this issue, but sometimes I feel like the only person in the world who games to get away from pain. I know it can't be true. I'm sorry about your friend. It is a crap problem; Tell him, sorry. I say him, mostly men suffer from cluster headaches, I'm the only woman I've ever met that has them.
Well, I'm off to Thedas. DQ later, peeps. Many hugs, and pink elephants for the future.
I'm sorry you are ill Femshem, I did work with someone (female) who suffered from cluster headaches - I had never heard of them before I met her. She would be incapacitated with pain. I hope you can get some relief from the pain. I am sending you IR's grapes as she doesn't need them any more.
Uh oh .......
I just thought it would be funny as Hell.
Screen shots required of course!
I am noticing one incident that both these stories have in common: Kicking Cabot in the balls.
OMG it's years since I read it and I don't think I have it any more, I loved it! Donk just captures that kind of style though imo.
Edited because I managed to screw up a quote somehow.
Coffee in excess is always required.Need more coffee.
Morning. *yawns and grumbles into her coffee*
Too bloody early. Grr.
Dazzle - I think this is the first time I've caught you since your trip! Cabot, fancy drink for dazzle - and don't shove an umbrella in a tankard of mead, that won't do!
awww, you're such a sweetie!Dazzle - I think this is the first time I've caught you since your trip! Cabot, fancy drink for dazzle - and don't shove an umbrella in a tankard of mead, that won't do!
Glad to see you.
*Drags a huge camera set to the shadows close to Staches room*
Oh, don't mind me guys
Down, girl.
Twin warning points. Hell yeah.
it suits you! Just don't go getting banned now, okay?
I can't make any promises. Once you get that first taste of a warning...
I'm sorry you are ill Femshem, I did work with someone (female) who suffered from cluster headaches - I had never heard of them before I met her. She would be incapacitated with pain. I hope you can get some relief from the pain. I am sending you IR's grapes as she doesn't need them any more.
Uh oh .......
Screen shots required of course!
OMG it's years since I read it and I don't think I have it any more, I loved it! Donk just captures that kind of style though imo.
Grapes! I'll be sure to take screen shots IF I decide to buy it.
Donkson certainly has a style.
Okay okay okay.
"Cass is a man" Guy was back and it looks like a FB comment. DRINKS AT THE READY!!
https://twitter.com/...2487040/photo/1
*pout* I'd miss you if you got banned!
Twin warning points. Hell yeah.
I can't make any promises. Once you get that first taste of a warning...
Grapes! I'll be sure to take screen shots IF I decide to buy it.
Donkson certainly has a style.
Okay okay okay.
"Cass is a man" Guy was back and it looks like a FB comment. DRINKS AT THE READY!!
https://twitter.com/...2487040/photo/1-snip-
Cabot, ryncol please... and keep'em coming; and someone send that sad excuse for a man a MileyChicken in my name.
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