113758 réponses à ce sujet

[Tragedienne of Heavens]

What are you saying?  

 

Me? Nothing... It's just a yummy treat for my favourite canine pal.

 

Edit: ToP - music sharing time!

Spoiler

[LightningPoodle]

Well... okay then. *tucks into the cake, eating it very quickly*

[Rel Fexive]

*makes several ticks on a long checklist*

Yeppers. That escape went just like clockwork. Admittedly, on a broken clock, but still, success!

*drinks celebratory beverage*

[Paragonslustre]

OMG I've just read about Beren's prison heist and now IR's latest instalment! Ahahahahahahahahhaha .... deserves a 'gordon'

 

]

 

wipes away tears of mirth.

 

*Meanwhile ..... somewhere in Skyhold Paragon is adjusting a radio collar on a carrier-nug.*

 

Hmm better read this letter through before I send it.

 

Spoiler

Dear 'you know who' (can't be too careful, don't know who might read this)

 

First of all, did you intercept the first carrier-nug (Schmooples III)?  The radio signal has gone dead.  McStabby won't be happy if anything has happened to him and I ain't telling her!  Secondly, what am I supposed to do with this lyrium smuggling dwarf that's turned up?  All he does is sit in a corner guzzling dwarven ale (the expensive kind) and scarfing free food.  He tells me I'm to await your instructions but his leer is beginning to creep me out.

 

Some crazy sh*it has been going on in your absence.  The fat Templar managed to get himself incarcerated (honestly, I'm beginning to think I'm not the dim one around here), but it's OK a rebel group rallied to bust him out without wrecking the place too much - I slept through the whole shenanigans.

 

Oh I've just had a message from McStabby to attach some PENIS' to the carrier-nug.  OK, can do - WTF is going on out there, she mentioned something like 'MileyChicken and the Drumsticks'?  Huh, must have heard her wrong.

 

Anyway, hope you and your agents are being careful, can't guarantee this place will be in one piece when you get back.

 

signed

 

A Friend

 

*Paragon adjusts the radio signal to the right frequency and sends the carrier-nug on his way with a friendly kick to the arse.*  Maker Speed little buddy!

[Al Foley]

*drinks to a rather serious gameplay flaw he has discovered in Inquisition* 

[Roamingmachine]

Morning DQ!
Morning run done. It's about 30 degrees outside but there was a nice breeze and the track runs entirely beneath a patch of ancient trees (and I mean 200+ years old) so it's all good


And yes, this is my idea of a vacation

[LightningPoodle]

*drinks to a rather serious gameplay flaw he has discovered in Inquisition* 

 

What is it?

[Al Foley]

What is it?

That eight spot limit...is an eight spot limit.  *drinks* your characters will not use spells unless they are in one of those eight even if they are tactically set up to do so.  

[Duelist]

Morning DQ!
Morning run done. It's about 30 degrees outside but there was a nice breeze and the track runs entirely beneath a patch of ancient trees (and I mean 200+ years old) so it's all good

And yes, this is my idea of a vacation

That actually does sound fun.

Hell I've got a few days off over the next two weeks and I'm going to be spending it alternating between punching and getting punched.

[LightningPoodle]

That eight spot limit...is an eight spot limit.  *drinks* your characters will not use spells unless they are in one of those eight even if they are tactically set up to do so.  

 

It sucks that they removed the tactical wheel. Dragon Age started as a game with a strategical element. I wouldn't be surprised if they do away with that altogether in DA:4.

[Al Foley]

It sucks that they removed the tactical wheel. Dragon Age started as a game with a strategical element. I wouldn't be surprised if they do away with that altogether in DA:4.

Yeah.  The ability to have abilties....lawl....that you did not use too often..and thus did not need to keep 'quick mapped' but could use every once in a while was really useful.  Mark of Death was always one of them in the first two games.  

[Roamingmachine]

That actually does sound fun.

Hell I've got a few days off over the next two weeks and I'm going to be spending it alternating between punching and getting punched.

I miss sparring. Stupid gym that doubled the fees and moved to the arse end of town...*grumble*

[Dieb]

Happy Yaymerica day, USDQ!

 

It sucks that they removed the tactical wheel. Dragon Age started as a game with a strategical element. I wouldn't be surprised if they do away with that altogether in DA:4.

 

And Tactics.

 

I also don't see any "because consoles" argument being valid, since the Tactics are purely optional for action afficionados (every companion gets a default AI that is consistently updated with new skills when not tampered with) and the wheel.... well, what the hell?

 

I just don't get the reasoning behind it.

[Al Foley]

Happy Yaymerica day, USDQ!

 

 

And Tactics.

 

I also don't see any "because consoles" argument being valid, since the Tactics are purely optional for action afficionados (every companion gets a default AI that is consistently updated with new skills when not tampered with) and the wheel.... well, what the hell?

 

I just don't get the reasoning behind it.

I didn't mind the tactics system in Inquisition, after all I think the tac cam was supposed to replace it, but it is one of the areas I did prefer.  I did not use it...action affecianado here...too much nor to great effect but I did use it every now and then to fiddle with something when I recognized a weakness in my game play preferences or a weakness in the party.  

[Donk]

Hope I'm not breaking anybody's immersion but...

 

Approximately three days ago

 

Somewhere, deep in space, floats a large space ship, twice the size of the Citadel. Shielded, with an invisibility cloaking device (trying to avoid 'Harry Potter' here...) if eyes could see, a large all seeing eye symbol on either side of the ship would be apparent..

 

Inside, in a very large private room, two figures stood, watching over space. One very tall, attractive female with long dark hair and a catsuit. Beside her, a dwarf with curly blonde hair. He was lost in thought, rubbing his chin as he watched the stars outside.

 

“Donk did everything right, more than we could have hoped for,” The woman spoke. “She wrote amazing fanfic,” She fangirled for a brief moment, “Trolled trolls, annoyed the mods.. and still it's not enough.”

 

The dwarf answered with, “Enchantment!”

 

“But they're sending her to fight bears. Bears! We both know that they're not the real threat.” She said, walking seductively, making sure the dwarf had a decent view of her breasts and arse as she walked past.

 

The dwarf ogled her. “Enchantment!” He said, jumping up and down.

 

“... Abbott is still out there.” She continued.

 

“Enchantment.” He said, nodding, to convey to her that he agreed.

 

“The Drinkquisition will never trust the Illuminati. They will never accept our help.” She told him, flashing her cameltoe. “Even after everything we've accomplished. But Donk... they'll follow her; she's a hero, a bloody icon! But she's just one demon... If we lose one demon, Thedas might well follow.”

 

“Enchantment!”

 

“I'll see to it that we don't lose her.” She said, turning to the dwarf.

 

“Enchantment!” He repeated.

 

She sighed, frustratingly. “Can I suck your dick, Sandal?”

 

“Enchantment!”

 

She rolled her eyes. “You are a nice reaper, Sandal, and a great leader; but for goodness sake, I wish you could say something else for a change!”

 

**

 

Meanwhile, in the fade, on a remote tropical island, Donk woke up surrounded by empty rum bottles. She barely had time to comprehend her surroundings, however, when a large explosion erupted around her, and she was flung through the air, purple limbs flew in various directions.. that was the last thing she remembered. Until...

**

Donk woke up on what resembled an operating table. She felt a cold hard surface beneath her, and everything was dark and grey.

 

“Donk? Donk!” A very attractive, dark haired woman with a familiar, Australian accent yelled.

 

The sight of this sexy woman, wearing a suggestive catsuit outfit, brought Donk back to her senses immediately. “Huh? Where the **** am I?”

 

“Oh Donk.. I'm so glad you could make it. My name is Miranda. I'll let you know everything you need to know; in the meantime, sign me!?” She said, bouncing up and down excitedly, and ripped open her catsuit, revealing her round, delicious breasts.

 

Donk sat up, and gave her a smug look. “I take it you've read the Salt and Dr. Pepper series?”

 

“I'm your number one fan! Now sign my breasts, please!” She said, shoving a black sharpie in her face.

 

Donk complied, and wrote 'To Miranda, Love from Donk xxoo' in fancy squiggly lines across her breasts.

“Okay, so what the hell am I doing here? And where am I, anyway? Last thing I remember, I got blasted in the fade..”

 

Miranda unshackled Donk from the operating table, and attempted to help her to her feet. “Careful, you've been in a coma for a day...”

 

“It doesn't matter. I don't walk, I float.” Donk said, hovering off the table.

 

“I should know that. You're a desire demon.” Miranda stated, as if she had just remembered. “My bad, I have a selective memory.”

 

“So what kind of armour is that?” Donk asked, taking a moment to check Miranda out. “I mean, I've seen some sexy armour in my time.. notably the boob plate armour. But it went out of fashion.”

 

“We are not in Thedas, Donk. Follow me, I will take you to my boss.”

 

Donk followed Miranda, and after going through what seemed like a million different rooms and elevators, they finally arrived at the top floor of the ship, where a large window gave a view of the vast, dark space.

 

Standing in this room, was a dwarf. He looked familiar. “Sandal?” Donk asked, rather shocked. Nobody had seen Sandal since the shitstorm that went down in Kirkwall ten years ago.

 

He turned to face Donk. “Enchantment!”

 

“This is leader of the Illuminati, and one of two remaining reapers in space. As far as we know.” Miranda explained.

 

“Wait.. what the hell? The Illuminati is real?” Donk questioned.

 

“Very much so,” Miranda explained. “The Illuminati has existed this whole time. Shrouded in secrecy, they controlled every single race, planet, and organization. The Illuminati was in control of Cerberus, while at the same time, they were in charge of the alliance. They were the ones who were responsible for the genophage, too.”

 

“So... pretty much every shitstorm that's happened, is because of the Illuminati?”

 

Miranda laughed. “Well.. when you put it like that.”

 

“Enchantment!” Sandal said, extending a hand for Donk to shake.

 

“So this little guy.. is a reaper? I guess that explains everything.”

 

“Indeed. His goal was to protect Thedas from the war in space, to keep it secret. The only way to access it is through the fade. But I'm afraid... Thedas has been compromised.” A dark look fell upon her face.

 

“Okay, cut the crap and tell me straight out; this is getting rather TL;DR.” Donk demanded, impatiently.

 

Miranda nodded. “Very well, Donk. A new reaper has emerged. He is half man, half cyborg, with very large ears and a horrid comb-over hairstyle to cover the doughnut on his head. He is most famous for going into battle wearing nothing but speedo's. The sight is so scary, so horrific that his enemies die instantly upon sight.”

 

“Does he have a name?”

 

“Yes. He is known as 'Abbott'. The worst part is – he talks with our accent, Donk. I am lucky I have found refuge here, on the Illuminati ship, otherwise I would be hunted mercilessly. I have been accused of being a descendant of this.. this thing.” She said, flicking her hair back seductively.

 

Donk snorted. “What a bunch of morons,” She flirted, “It's evident, just by how beautiful you are, that you couldn't be related to such an abomination.”

 

Miranda blushed. “Oh Donk.. that's enough. For now. Let's focus on the mission.”

 

“What do you need me to do?”

 

“I will show you.” She winked.

 

**

 

They went to the very bottom floor of the ship, which took an hour to get to. Donk was blown away – sitting still, all in perfect formation – were millions of what looked like Geth, all sporting Miley Cyrus's head..

 

“The **** is this?” Donk said, amazed.

 

“This is our army, Donk,” Miranda said, smiling proudly at her work. “But they are nothing. Not without a leader. I want you to lead this army, Donk.. to destroy the Abbott threat once and for all.”

 

“How? Are they artificial intelligence?”

 

“No. We feared that their loyalty would be compromised, if we allowed them to become too self aware.. so you will command them with this.” She handed Donk what looked like an old TV remote. It had three buttons, one was red, one was green and the other was blue.

 

“Hit the green button.” Miranda ordered.

 

Donk complied.

 

Suddenly, the MileyGeth began to twerk, suddenly a putrid, brown gas erupted from their robotic backsides.

 

“Quick, hold your nose! It's toxic!” Miranda shouted.

 

Donk did so, while mumbling, “You didn't think to warn me beforehand?”

 

After about half an hour, and some hardcore room venting, the smell eventually disappeared. “Now, I won't tell you to press the blue button, as it's dangerous. Basically, their bodies will assemble into a killer's wet dream; there will be laser guns, mini-guns, rocket launchers, you name it. Even a tentacle bat.”

 

A tentacle bat? That's genius!” Donk complimented her.

 

Miranda flicked her hair back, and pushed her breasts out. “Flatterer.”

 

“So what's the red button for?”

 

“A last resort.” Miranda said. “It will take a lot of lives, so only use in a worst case scenario.”

 

“Got it. So when will we be deployed?” Donk asked.

 

“First thing tomorrow morning.” Miranda stated. “For now.. the ship is free to roam. Make sure you drop by my private quarters.” She winked.

 

**

 

Donk visited Miranda's private quarters.

 

fade to black

 

**

 

To cut a long story short, Donk and her MileyGeth army stormed on Abbott's base. Many lives on both sides were lost. There were lots of 'pew pew pew' noises. Eventually, Donk was able to infiltrate to his private quarters, where he cowered like a gutless ******. With one quick mind blast, and some hardcore strangulation, the Abbott-reaper was dead.

 

Unfortunately, the MileyGeth army had to be sacrificed. Donk pressed the red button, which destroyed the entire base with everything in it. Donk floated away, up through space, until eventually she found her way back to the secret Illuminati ship.

 

Sandal didnt have much to say, other than a simple “enchantment.”

 

Miranda swooned in Donk's arms, and they had rough, passionare sex for the last time...

 

fade to black

 

And finally, Donk was able to return to Thedas.

[LightningPoodle]

-snip-

 

Ummm... Do you have a more bite size version?

[Roamingmachine]

It's...IT'S THE DONK!

[Al Foley]

*read the beginning...and the end* 'rough passionate sex with Miranda*  

 

Turns out I missed a hell of a party.  8nods wisely and drinks*

[Rel Fexive]

My eyes have seen the Glory of the Coming of the Donk.


No. Not like that

[Donk]

Ummm... Do you have a more bite size version?

 

You lazy little shite! Fine.

 

TL;DL version: Donk gets blown up in the fade. Miranda and Sandal, members of the Illuminati organization, bring her back to life. Donk leads an army of MileyGeth to destroy Abbott before he takes down Thedas. Miranda and Donk have sexy time twice. Donk is back. The end.

 

(It makes so much more sense if you read the damn thing!)

 

It's...IT'S THE DONK!

 

Howdy.

 

 

*read the beginning...and the end* 'rough passionate sex with Miranda*  

 

Turns out I missed a hell of a party.  8nods wisely and drinks*

 

You missed out on the most epic battle ever.

[Donk]

My eyes have seen the Glory of the Coming of the Donk.


No. Not like that

 

That sounds like a good title for a friendfic. Alas, I've technically already written a 'friendfic' about myself.. It doesn't get more egotistical than that

[Duelist]

I miss sparring. Stupid gym that doubled the fees and moved to the arse end of town...*grumble*

I never realised how much I missed it (and how rusty and slow I was), until I got back into it.
IMO, there's no sound as sweet as that grunt people let out after a good body shot.

[Tragedienne of Heavens]

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK  you're alive!!

 

We've suffered a lot without you, you know?

[LightningPoodle]

You lazy little shite! Fine.

 

TL;DL version: Donk gets blown up in the fade. Miranda and Sandal, members of the Illuminati organization, bring her back to life. Donk leads an army of MileyGeth to destroy Abbott before he takes down Thedas. Miranda and Donk have sexy time twice. Donk is back. The end.

 

(It makes so much more sense if you read the damn thing!)

 

I started reading it...

 

...then I got bored.

 

- The bolded made me laugh. 

[Donk]

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK  you're alive!!

 

We've suffered a lot without you, you know?

 

Traggy!!

 

I saw.. I was alerted to a missing poster. I was blown away... Wow guys. I appreciate the concern.

 

I had a little personal issue, and rather erratically I deleted my account. But it's all good now, innit?