I'll write you a review.
Just tell me what to write.. I won't actually read it though. Not cause I think you suck or anything, but sex with Samson aint my thing. 
Hell, these days most people don't even play or read the **** they review, they just get paid to say nice things.. so it'd be like that. Only I'd do it for free. 
Wait I don't need a Tumblr account or anything do I? 
That's true, Pinky. u.u I see it happening a lot on Tumblr and AO3.
Most fanfic writers and people who draw artworks trade favours with members of the same fandom to get reviews. Usually they reblog or comment on a friend's work.
The problem is, once this becomes a routine, they lose the ability to evaluate their own creation honestly. Why work hard if you'll earn applause either way? All you have to do is pay a compliment to someone else's work. It's that easy.
Of course, you must first befriend a lot of people, be nice, say what they want to hear and then, there you have it. Lots of followers ready to propagate your work online.
Well, I'd feel more comfortable if you wrote about something you read and liked. I myself don't comment on anything unless I feel it's worth receiving praise. I try to be honest to my principles, since I disagreee with this internet thing of one guy having thousands of followers just because he was nice to them. I think it's kind of a cheap way to promote one's work. Not to mention those people tend to have a massive ego because of that, to the point they believe they are entitled to be worshipped in the fandom.
So let's make a deal.
If you feel I deserve your praise, all you have to do is leave Kudos in my story in AO3 - it can be anonymous Kudos, if you prefer - or like my story on Tumblr, on any chapter you prefer. That's all. 
NoRS on Tumblr and AO3. Take your pick. 