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[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

I'll give this Let's Play a week and a half before I stop updating it.
 
So first off, the game:
 

Mount & Blade: Warband is the first sequel to the action role-playing video game Mount & Blade. First announced in January 2009, the game was developed by the Turkish company TaleWorlds Entertainment and was published by Paradox Interactive on March 30, 2010. The game is available as a direct download from the TaleWorlds website or through the Steam digital distribution software, or as a DVD with required online activation. Mac OSX and Linux versions were released on July 10, 2014 through Steam

 
Click here to purchase/learn more about Mount & Blade: Warband.
 
Now for the particular mod I am using:
 

Anno Domini 1257 is a total conversion mod for Mount&Blade: Warband set in 13th century Europe, Middle east and North Africa during the Crusades and Mongol Invasions. The game starts in March 1257AD, and is historically accurate to that point. From there, the player shapes the world with his/her actions, with the ability to let the Crusades or Mongols succeed at invading all of Asia and Europe.

 
Click here to download/learn more about the Anno Domini 1257 modification.
 
Mount & Blade Warband has a very interesting character creation system. It asks about the history you want to provide for your character, outlining the kind of life your character has during childhood and adolescence, giving you various choices and occupations you want to link yourself to. Once your background is established, you are then free to name your character and allocate points towards their attributes, skills and weapon proficiencies, with attributes determining your skill and proficiency ceilings. The initial distribution of your attributes, skills and proficiencies are determined by the kind of background you created for yourself.
 
It actually shares similarities with, dare I say it... Darklands.
 
From there, you can customise your character visually. Though there are a limited amount of ways to change your look, there are still a lot of options you are able to play with.
 

So let's get on with our character for this Let's Play.

 
And no, despite the thread title, it won't be a rainbow haired genderfluid, romantically demisexual transeskimo special snowflake with a very active tumblr account.
 
To stay true to the historical setting, our protagonist.. our hero will be a Knight. But not just any Knight, a White Knight. The Ultimate White Knight. So, let me share his backstory...
 

 

 

 

 

 
And so, we join our hero now. His path resolute, his courage unwavering and his cause socially just.
 

 

 
The Pope's words still burned in Burch's mind.
 

"My son, you are cast out from Rome. Leave this place, I do not care where you go, but speak no more heresies and write no more stories, my child. At least not until you do a few writing workshops."
 
Burch had made a defense most eloquent, but they fell on deaf ears. Deaf, closed-minded and misogynistic ears. Luckily, there was still one Kingdom in Christendom that valued men of intellect and courage such as himself.
 

[Nattfare]

Ha! Great game!

 

And you picked Sweden of all countries.

[Kaiser Arian XVII]

This game looks so cool!

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

Chapter 1:

 

"I may have been exiled from Rome, but I can start again, here in Sweden. Yes!"
 
Our hero's resolve is as strong as ever, but despite his reputation has plummeted through the floor. Burch realises that if he wants to destroy the Papacy, he must first raise his reputation and lead an army. He must become a skilled, noble and famous warrior. And to do that, he needs gold for equipment, food to survive and men to fight for him. Much more than he currently has.
 
It all starts somewhere, Burch says to himself, and walks through the gates into the Swedish City of Westraarus, making a beeline for the marketplace.
 

 
He spends a decent amount of money on food and equipment, before paying a local mercenary troop to follow him. 
 

 
Burch then heads to the local Guild Master. The Guild Master in each settlement can provide news on current events, political struggles, the state of the local economy as well as allowing the player to invest in land. Another function a local Guild Master serves, is to give out quests to adventurers for handsome payment and a positive reputation in the town. Our hero realises that these tasks are a great way to build up reputation and earn money on the side, so he talks to the man, hoping the Guild Master has something in mind.
 

 

"A caravan to Lubeck? What luck! Of course I will escort the caravan for you. I will be happy to do this for you, good sir!"
 
While the Guild Master recommended at least 10 men guard the caravan, Burch and his company numbered in their 30s. Our hero was of the utmost confidence that he could complete this task. It's not like Lubeck was that far or anything, right?
 

 

Upon realising his mistake, Burch whips his men into a frenzy and forces them to march at an intense speed. 

 

Burch, his men and the caravan travel through the snowy terrain of Sweden at a blistering pace, passing through villages and towns without rest.

 

 

 

Vecsioren would be one of their planned stops. The men were tiring, Burch no exception and the Caravan demanded that our hero allow them to trade with the locals. It's the last Swedish town before we enter Danish territory, they argued, and Burch was all too happy to relent to the Caravan and his mercenaries.

 

Fate on the other hand, had other ideas.

 

 

 

"To arms, men! To battle!! Kill these shitlords!"

 

"Chaarrrggggee!"

 

The bandits fall swiftly to Burch and his men. Like trees in the forest, the bandits were hewn and cut down to the last. Though some peasants are killed in the battle, our hero and his company saved many lives today. The mercenaries and villagers cheer as one. 

 

 

 

Burch collects a small, but noticeable bounty of gifts from the village elder in the aftermath of the battle and allows his troop to take their well earned rest. There were wounds to patch up, fences to mend, fires to put out and Burch has no hesitation in ordering his men to aid in the rebuild effort for the next few days. Our hero intends to leave the village in better shape than he left it, ensuring that they could defend themselves from bandits in future.

 

With full stomachs and upbeat smiles, Burch and his company of men leave Vecsioren and push onward to Lubeck.

 

 

They make excellent time, and soon cross from Swedish sovereign land into the Kingdom of Denmark. 

 

With sunlight fading, Burch is glad to see a large stone wall forming on the horizon, he dashes and sprints in front of his men and gazes upon the city before him.

 

 

"Lund. Wonderful!"

[Jeremiah12LGeek]

You have broken my newsfeed, sir!

 

 

It's cool, tho'. Carry on.

[Nattfare]

"Vecsioren" sounds like it could be Växjö... but it's location wouldn't really be correct.

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

"Vecsioren" sounds like it could be Växjö... but it's location wouldn't really be correct.

I think you're right on both counts. Oh well, the mod spans most of Europe, North Africa and the Holy Land. Can't get everything right.

[Sir DeLoria]

Beautiful *sniff*

[Decepticon Leader Sully]

Thank my internalised my soggy knees. i thaught i was going to have to beat my head into a desk. 

Btw you chose Sweeden LOL. 

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

Chapter 2:

 

 

"Looks kind of empty. I hope all the towns aren't like this. This is supposed to be the tavern, where people meet, greet, hustle and bustle. This place looks like a dive bar at best."

 

Our hero decides to approach the closest woman in the vicinity. Suddenly, it dawns on him that the poor lady was being stare-raped by the Scandinavian Shitlord standing across the room from her. He immediately does what any good feminist does, and alerts her to the grievous thought-crime taking place.

 

 

"Worry not, maiden fair, for I am here to protect your honour from that sleazy PUA!"

 

The madame giggles, leaving our hero somewhat perplexed.

 

"Hehe! Don't you worry about that little bastard. He's just salty that he doesn't have the money to pay for my services. What about you, noble Knight? I bet you and your men are tired. How would you like me to get you... "up and ready for action" if you know what I mean..."

 

Taken aback, Burch mumbles an excuse and quickly makes his way for the exit. He wasn't going to hire a proud independent sex worker, that would make him a objectifying misogynist. He glares daggers at the toxic male before opening the door and leaving the tavern, ignoring the hearty chuckle of the tavern rapist MRA. Lund was deeply in need of re-education, thought our hero, as he makes up his mind to visit the city's Arena next.

 

 

"Aha! Here we are. The centre of toxic masculinity in Lund. Maybe if I win the tournament, I can use my influence to steer people to the right path."

 

Burch inquires about entering a Tournament with the local official.

 

"Apologies m'lord. But there aren't any Tournaments going on here right now. They're a special occasion, attracting Knights and Nobles from all across Christendom. But you can join the daily Melee if you'd like. Some of the local Knights and Soldiers get bored, so they hold a daily Melee to sharpen their skills and test their limits. There's a small amount of coin in it if you manage to last until the end. What say you, noble sir?"

 

Burch didn't like the sound of that at all, but by competing in the name of feminism and social justice, he would deny a straight white male from entering and reinforcing his own toxic ideas on competition and masculinity. Small steps. Destroying the Patriarchy was never going to be easy. Also, Burch reasons, it would be nice to test my skill and see how strong I currently am.

 

Our hero nods at the official and steps down into the Arena, ready to fight. He sees several men going for him - typical, attack the feminist first. He exhales, before moving into stance and charging hard at his opponents.

 

 

Burch moves gracefully like a dancer, evading the swings and thrusts of his enemies, hardens like iron as he deflects their blows with his shield and overwhelms them with power like the tide, as he strikes them down, one by one.

 

 

Sadly, it was not his day. The rough and tumble of the Melee wore our hero down and he was unceremoniously knocked out from behind by one of his belligerent enemies.

 

 

Medics dragged away Burch's body and administered treatment to let him recover. The biggest wound inflicted on him was to his pride. After regaining his strength, he goes back to the Tournament Official.

 

 

"T-ten denars? I can't even buy a piece of bread with that... well... I'll accept it. It's not like I have a choice."

 

Eager to earn some real gold and a reputation in Lund, Burch wanders the streets, looking for the local Guild Master. He finds the man fairly quickly.

 

 

Our hero politely introduces himself to the Guild Master, who seems very pleased.

 

 

More bandits, Burch thinks to himself, well everyone hates bandits and I'll bet the Guild Master is willing to pay handsomely for me to remove this problem he's having.

 

"So, this is where you've run off to, Burch. We've been looking for you all day! We're all stocked up and ready to leave now."

 

It looks like Lund will have to wait for now.

 

"O-Oscar, gr-greetings! Yes, I was just conversing with the Guild Master here about local trade! I know you Caravan Merchants love trading with the locals. I wanted to see what goods are a rarity in this place! But now that you're here, it's time we leave, yes?"

 

The Guild Master tilts his head and looks with incredulity at Burch.

 

"Too right, good sir! The sooner we are in Lubeck, the sooner we all get paid!"

 

Burch and Oscar make their way back to camp, the other merchants and Burch's men all waiting on our hero. Lund was an interesting city, muses Burch. A city full of misogynist shitlords and pissbabies, but interesting nonetheless. Our hero had never really been used to extensive travelling before. He had had a sheltered upbringing, and his exile could hardly be called an adventure. It was a new experience. As our hero saddles up and begins the long trek to Lubeck, he wished he could find a friend who he could share the experience with.

[Dermain]

I think you're right on both counts. Oh well, the mod spans most of Europe, North Africa and the Holy Land. Can't get everything right.

 

Having been a part of the Taleworlds community for far too long, I am surprised that they didn't get everything right. They tend to get anal about those things...

[Jeremiah12LGeek]

I ended up Googling this guy.

 

 

 

That always sounds so dirty...

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

I ended up Googling this guy.

 

 

 

That always sounds so dirty...

 

He gets pretty angry when you criticise his writing.

 

 

And that's not even counting the messed up thing he has with social justice/self flagellation obsession and his former marriage. (Won't delve into that here.)

[AventuroLegendary]

I knew I saw that guy before...

 

A Mount and Blade 1257 AAR? Unique. I'll be sure to check that out. I kind of wish the 1257AD mod had more life to it. It just feels like enhanced M&B with a historically accurate paint job. 

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

Chapter 3:

 

 

Burch and company, which he had decided to call "The Nutcrackers" (with an accompanying Red Hand Sigil symbolising the idea that no means no), leave the city of Lund behind. They set sail for the Danish Islands, hoping to find the quickest path through in order to reach Lubeck, their destination.

 

They pass through several villages, resting and allowing the Caravan to trade with the locals, but never staying a moment more than necessary. Burch was determined to acquire the gold he was promised and travel back to Swedish lands to establish an army and a reputation.

 

 

The roads they take aren't empty however, and Burch's scouts report a minor scuffle between a Danish Nobleman, and roaming bandits.

 

 

Eager to make a positive impression on the Danish, our hero gallops to the front of the column and shouts at his men to double their pace. The mainstay of his company arrive too late to make a difference in the battle, but Burch himself and a couple of riders run down a few of the remaining bandits, catching the eye of the Dane.

 

 

The Duke approaches Burch with all the dignity his position implies.

 

 

"My name is Anthony Burch."

 

"It doesn't matter what your name is!"

 

"Y-Your Grace..?"

 

"I jest. Anthony Burch is it? Well, thank you for your aid. I didn't need it, but it was appreciated nonetheless. The spoils of battle are yours to keep. I suggest you make a stop at the nearby town of Roarskeldae, I'll send word to the merchants there and give you favourable prices. Safe travels to you."

 

"And to you, Your Grace."

 

Beaming, our hero takes the Duke's advice and stops at the nearby town.

 

 

Anthony also receives a good price for the spoils he earned in exchange for much needed food supplies. Sort of.

 

 

Merchants never change.

 

Slightly irritated, our hero heads to the local establishment wanting to drown himself in ale, or perhaps to save the tavern wench from a life of objectification and misogyny. To his surprise, he finds a Hat Merchant. Yes. A Hat Merchant.

 

 

Our hero politely declines, he had no use for a hat, which was fortunate as another patron cornered the merchant and demanded to look through his inventory. The tavern patron was keen on purchasing a hat he labelled 'Fedorah' and was disappointed upon discovering that the Merchant had never heard of such headgear. The patron loudly blames White Conservatives for his predicament, causing the Hat Merchant to grumble and walk away. Must've been a "family values" wife-beater, thought our hero. Burch then examines the patron thoroughly and, eager to hear what the man had to say.

 

 

"Well, if I can't get my classy hat, at least I can defend the honour of any women threatened by bar misogynists. PUAs are attracted to places like these, like a fly to honey."

 

An open minded, progressive individual in these neck of the woods. Burch was pleasantly surprised and definitely wanted to know more about this guy. Our hero had the perfect witty quip to engage Bob with, too.

 

"Or like an arrow to the knee, hehe. Right, friend? ... ... ... S-so I couldn't help but overhear how enlightened and progressive you are, a rarity here in Christendom. There are many men in Europa, but few Knights, and even fewer White Knights. 'Tis a shame."

 

"Indeed! But fear not, the future of Europa is technological, coastal and brown. There's no room for left Fedorah-less cities or population centres on the mainland anymore. No room for white men either!"

 

"Hear, hear! You speak such self-evident wisdom, Robert of the Moving Pictures and I have need for superior progressive minds in my ranks. Would you join my company, The Nutcrackers?"

 

"Well, if the pay is good, Sir Burch, then I'll gladly join you! I have been waiting to... erhm, escape my current situation, and the idea of fighting frequently for feminism is an opportunity I dare not pass up. So consider me your man, Burch!"

 

Bob Chipman and Anthony Burch talked late into the night about a wide variety of subjects, often finding themselves in complete agreement with one another. For our hero, it was like finding a kindred spirit, a long lost brother. And as Burch saddled up his horse the next morning and prepared to leave the town, he knew that he had found someone who would follow him to the end.

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

Chapter 4:

 

 

The sea was full of dangers, none more dangerous than pirates.

 

 

"Hold formation, men! Stay together! Break them down, ATTACK!!"

 

The Nutcrackers are victorious.

 

 

Even as The Nutcrackers take losses, they are able to win vital battles against pirate brigands. Though their voyage towards Lubeck was filled with combat and fraught with peril, they manage to make it to their destination without a single fatality.

 

Visible relief swept through the company, as the stone Metropolish of Lubeck finally came into sight.

 

 

Smiling, Oscar the Caravan Leader trots to the front of the column, next to Burch.

 

 

Burch laughs, and the men cheer. A job well done and a nice bit of coin. Our hero definitely learned from this experience.

 

 

Though Burch and the other Nutcrackers were in a jovial mood, they knew that after a good rest, more jobs would need to be taken in order to secure more funds, supplies, equipment and food. The pursuit of gold is never-ending, and our hero did not intend to stop until he had enough gold to overthrow the Papacy in Rome. Leaving the wounded MovieBob in charge of the other men, Burch explores the city in hopes of finding some way to earn a bit more gold.

 

 

Luckily for our hero, fortune favours the feminist, and it did not take long to find something he could do.

 

 

There was a tournament being held in Lubeck right at this very moment! Without hesitation, our hero signs up. Determined to make a fortune while humiliating the Patriarchy, he bets an additional 500 gold coins on himself to win the tournament. Registering for the one-on-one tournament, Burch ensures that he unhorses and knocks out each misogynist noble in his way.

 

 

Burch gets off to a good start, and puts in a very strong showing. His lack of quality equipment and steed puts him at an immediate disadvantage compared to the privileged shitlords and shitnobles he goes up against.

 

 

 

Nonetheless, he is able to hold his own and the fierce will to win propels our hero all the way to the final bout.

 

 

Burch and his final opponent, Nicholas Hawberk stare each other down as they ready themselves on opposite ends of the tourney field. The moment the horn is blown to signal the match, both kick their steeds into gear and charge at one another, full tilt.

 

 

Just before impact, our hero dips his lance and subtly changes his horse's direction, Hawberk is caught off guard and the lance tip drills into the skull of his armoured and decorated steed, killing it instantly. 

 

 

Nicholas staggers to his feet, while Burch steadies himself for another run at it. This is it.

 

 

A groggy Hawberk offers little resistance to our hero's powerful charge. Burch's lance is thrust directly into Hawberk's armoured chest. The lance disintegrates and the force of the blow sends Nicholas flying backwards, only to be trampled upon by Burch's steed as the horse completes the charge. Burch looks over his shoulder to make sure Hawberk isn't dead, as it starts to sink in that he has won it all.

 

 

"Yes! Hell yeah! Anita be praised! Amazing!"

 

"Fookin' incredible! Some of the best riding I ever did see, Master Burch!"

 

It seemed like news of the Tournament didn't escape the ears of MovieBob and the other Nutcrackers. The lot of them were shouting, cheering and celebrating our hero's win.

 

Burch started cheering wildly as well, when the Tournament Officials presented him with his winnings.

 

 

Burch and his fellow Nutcrackers marched triumphantly towards the Lubeck Tavern, with Burch offering to pay for a beer for any man or woman who happened to patronise the establishment. 

 

"I want everyone in Lubeck to know the generosity of Anthony Burch, and the generosity that flows from being a feminist!"

 

 

The barkeep certainly wasn't wrong. Men clamoured over one another to toast to Burch's good health, and to the prosperity of feminism. Dozens of men asked to join up with the Nutcrackers and MovieBob was all too happy to sign the new acolytes to the company.

 

"To Master Burch and our new family, The Nutcrackers!"

 

Burch came to Lubeck to see off a Caravan and earn some coin. He'll leave Lubeck a Tourney Champion with twice the men he once had. 

 

Not bad, our hero muses to himself. He allows himself a wry grin while sipping his extra light beer. For now, back to Sweden. But at this rate, he'll be marching on Rome sooner rather than later. And that, that would be socially just.

[Eternal Phoenix]

Sounds like Burch's antagonist will be a male privileged white Christian...

 

 

This series has potential Knights. Finish it or Shrek will finish it for you like he finished your Divinity Original Sin LP.

 

As funny as it would be for Burch to be "shrek'd" by Shrek, I'd rather see him confront the privileged "shitlords" and have it out with them.

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

Sounds like Burch's antagonist will be a male privileged white Christian...

 

 

This series has potential Knights. Finish it or Shrek will finish it for you like he finished your Divinity Original Sin LP.

 

As funny as it would be for Burch to be "shrek'd" by Shrek, I'd rather see him confront the privileged "shitlords" and have it out with them.

 

Just for you, I am going to stop writing this on the second last chapter. Then the canon ending will be Shrek.

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

Chapter 5:

 
 
The journey back to Westraarus was long, and Burch had opted for straightforward trip. The company had ample supplies, there was no need to rest and visit the small villages and towns they had passed the first time around.
 
Fortunately, MovieBob kept the Nutcrackers entertained. He told the company of a story from long ago, from before the time Christendom, Patriarchy and Misogyny overwhelmed Europa.
 

"Gather around, men of justice! For I have a tale most epic to tell ye..."
 
This tale of Marius and his lady Pompeia was quite interesting, thought Burch, and it seemed to go on forever.
 

 

 
The company had passed Lund and MovieBob still had more to say.
 

 

 
The man didn't finish until they were well within Swedish borders. Burch was impressed, an otherwise long and potentially draining journey made quite enjoyable thanks to MovieBob.
 

 

 
The men clapped enthusiastically as Bob finished his story. What a magnificent epic.
 

"Hey! That was amazing, Bob! But what if... keheheh, the cake was a lie?"
 
Our hero could barely contain his laughter. MovieBob didn't seem to get it, though.
 

"I don't understand, Burch. Princess Pompeia wouldn't lie. When a woman tells you something, you need to Listen and Believe."
 

"R-right, of course. Forget I said anything."
 
Approaching Westraarus. Burch can see the combined armies of Sweden massing outside the city.
 


Our hero orders his men to set up camp, then dismounts and searches for the Birger Jarl, his liege. It was the Jarl who took him in after the Papacy exiled him. He owed the Jarl a great debt. He found Birger Jarl soon enough, the largest war tent, sitting on a throne, flanked by the nobility and Huskarl household guard.

Burch kneels in front of his Jarl, before asking him the purpose of all this.

"We are at war, Burch. The Novgorod Republic has declared war on several Catholic Kingdoms. I know how you feel about the Papacy, but put that aside. The Heteronormative Religious Orthodoxy that they preach is a threat to all progressive Kingdoms in Christendom. Even now, they move against the Danes. I have called the banners, all the noblemen of Sweden are here, or will be soon. And that includes you now, Anthony Burch, or rather, Lord Burch."

 

"I... u-uhh... waa?"

 

"I need all the capable men I can muster to lead the armies of Sweden. You are young and inexperienced, but you've also proven yourself capable. I have heard of your exploits in Vecsioren, and word now reaches my ears that you are the Tornament Champion in Lubeck. You have rendered valuable services to Sweden and brought prestige to my Kingdom. So from this day forward, you are now Anthony Burch, noble Knight of Sweden and Lord of Söderköping. It's only a small village. But it's a fiefdom nonetheless. Your fiefdom."

 

Spoiler

The town is originally called Suþrkøpang, which I think equates to the modern Soderkoping. It's the story I'm going to run with since it's easier to type. What is a 'þ' supposed to sound like, anyways?

 

"I'm h-honored, Your Highness."

 

"Good. Now head to your new fiefdom, get acquainted with your people. Build up defenses and defend the area. I'm counting on you. Godspeed, may feminism be with you."

 

As our hero walks out of Birger Jarl's wartent, things started to make a little more sense. If Sweden really were at war with the Novrogod, then Birger Jarl would need all the men he could get. Not just to go on campaign with him, but more importantly, to stay behind. Burch reasons that he was one of the latter, an up-jumped noble who stayed behind to bash the skulls of bandits and deal with farmers, while all the "real" nobles went with the Jarl for his glorious invasion campaign.

 

Burch didn't mind. All eyes would be on the military campaign. Assuming he doesn't get summoned personally, he has all the time in the world to build up a force to take Rome, and now he has a base from where to plan it all.

 

Truly, social justice was it's own reward, but to deny that fighting the good fight led to certain "privileges" was conservative superstition.

 

Burch heads back to the Nutcracker camp and informs the men of his new title and fiefdom. The men immediately break camp and march to Soderkoping, their new home.

 

 

 

Burch immediately orders the construction of his own manor. This was his village now, and he would not live like a squatter. 

 

 

The Nutcrackers organise their own lodgings, some setting up camp, while others rely on the kindness of the locals for food, water and shelter. MovieBob sets up his own tent, far away from the village. He needed to dwell on his experiences with Burch thus far, and see how he had become stronger for it. 

 

 

Our hero on the other hand, seeks to wet his whistle at the local tavern. Unfortunately, he steps into the tavern just as some shitlord goes on a deeply problematic drunken rant.

 

"I don't know about that Sarkeesian lady. She promised her scrolls would be given out over a year ago, yet she offers no excuse for half the scrolls not being written yet. If a blacksmith promised his Lord twelve finely crafted swords, and produced only six badly made swords instead, he wouldn't be openly walking around town a year later, I can tell you that. But if you say that you can't trust a person like Sarkeesian, the bards all sing about you like you are the spawn of Satan until even the tavern wenches spit on you. And our new Lord happens to support this behaviour! I tell you, friends, it is not right!"

 

Burch draws his sword. Such puerile heresy could not, and would not be tolerated here. Our hero glares at the rapist. The drunk feels our hero's gaze until he could stand it no more.

 

"What in the seven hells are you looking at? You wanna start something?"

 

"No. I'm here to end something. Your life."

 

Burch lunges at the man. The drunk was barely able to pull his weapon out of it's sheath when Burch's blade of social justice rained divine punishment, splitting his head right open.

 

 

"Psssh... nothin personnel... kid..."

 

The Tavern Keeper was very open minded about the incident.

 

 

The Tavern Keeper looks pretty shaky about what he had just witnessed, but he also knew that Burch was this village's Lord. So he knew not to rock the boat. He smiled, and said he had something our hero might be interested in. He pulls something from behind the bar. It seems to be a scroll, and Burch snatches it from the man's quivering hand before reading​ it thoroughly.

 

 

Burch chuckles.

 

"Another tournament. And this one won't be as far as Lubeck. Perfect. I'll have the men recover from their wounds, and then march when I'm ready to prove the power of feminism once again. Hah. This will be great."

 

Slamming a fistful of golden coins on the bar table, Burch leaves the Tavern with his next move crystal clear. To Wysbu they go.

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

Chapter 6:

 
 

 
It confuses Burch why a Grand Tournament ought to be held on such a small and isolated island. Still, he doesn't question the logic. They probably need all the trade and commerce they can get, he thinks to himself, and this helps immensely.
 
Our hero signs up for the tournament, supremely confident in his ability to crush the opposition. Just like in Lubeck.
 

 

"Maybe when I have a team of White Knights at my side, then I'll sign up for a team competition. No need for that now though."
 
Our hero gets off to a fantastic start, taking an early advantage and winning decisively in his first match of the day. His self belief swells.
 

 
He waves his lance around in the air as his next opponent moves into position. Our hero unleashes a fearsome warcry, sure to intimidate any enemy. As he kicks his steed into action, he screams at the top of his lungs. 
 

 

"#KILLALLMEN!!"
 
The distance between the two closes, both men hold their lances firm and a loud 'thwack' echoes around the arena, as the warriors clash in a blinding flash of light. Burch loses his train of thought, and for a moment, he swears that the world was turning upside down.
 

 
It's all over, and our hero is down. The arena is silent, they're in shock. And none moreso than Burch himself. Our hero struggles to his feet, completely winded and flabbergasted at how easily he was set aside.
 

"N-no! I won't lose the next time! The next shitlord that crosses me is dead! I swear on Saint Brianna that I will not suffer such humiliation again!"
 
But our hero does suffer such humiliation again.
 

 
And again.
 

 
Burch attacks his enemies with all the might and fury he is able to muster. Wielding his sword of social justice, he attempts to bring judgement on the Patriarchy.
 

 
However, our hero is easily repelled and oppressed.
 

 
Nursing his cuts, wounds and bruises, he limps his way back to the pavilion and gazes at the scoreboard with contempt. His results for the day were absolutely pitiful. He was ashamed to call himself a feminist. Burch had failed.
 

 
Dead last. Absolutely disgusting.
 
As Burch makes his way back to the Nutcracker camp, he barks his orders at the men. They were heading home. The men didn't need to ask how the tournament went - they could see the bruises, the cuts and more importantly, the scowl that completely covers Burch's face.
 
The men march for a few hours, before noticing something extremely peculiar on the horizon.
 

 

"It's the Novgorod! They're here! We need to expel them from this land. Their Heteronormative Orthodoxy is dangerous! Plus they have a history of iconoclasm. Could you imagine if we had to give up all our Anita icons and were forbidden to paint Her Feminist Image? That's a real possibility with these guys!"
 
The men grumbled, they didn't like the idea of their worship being subverted like that.
 
Burch tells the men to prepare and rides ahead to meet the Novgorod leader in charge of his rabble.
 

 
Unfortunately, our hero is in no mood to humour this pissbaby.
 

"More like the Shitlord of Izborsk. Surrender to me immediately or I will offer your severed head as an offering to my Goddess."
 

 
Unlike the Novgorod Lord, our hero had already gotten the troops to prepare beforehand, and the Swedes launch a daring attack on the village the Novgorod were occupying.
 

 
Burch charges thick into the fray, but his horse, still recovering from the tournament, buckles at the first sign of pain and crumbles to the ground, taking our hero along with it.
 

 
Too angry to give a ****, our hero wades into the centre of the melee, hacking and slashing at his Russian counterparts.
 

"Goddessfuckingdammit!! I'll kill you all!!"
 

 
Many bodies lay dead by the end, most of them the enemy. The Nutcrackers win the battle, but not without casualties. 
 

 
In the aftermath, as the men mull over and divide the spoils of war, Burch could only think about how disastrous the day had been. MovieBob didn't agree, but MovieBob did not see how calling on the power of feminism did nothing to stop the Patriarchal oppression of the tournament, Burch says to himself. It was obvious to our hero that the systems of cis white male oppression were still too strong to be broken by a strong independent feminist. At least for now. 
 
The tournaments would be a nice way to earn money, but they weren't guaranteed. For that, he needed the Guild Masters. He voices this opinion to MovieBob.
 

"Lord Burch, you are leading us Nutcrackers and you haven't led us wrong thus far, so I will follow your orders. I just what to do what is right and bring social justice to medieval Christendom. There's nothing more practical or politically correct than that. Just let us know where we're going, and we'll go there, M'lord."
 
MovieBob then tips his Kettle Hat in a very bizarre looking display of respectful nodding.
 

"I think Bob.... I think we need to cross down into Europa proper. Sweden is progressive and fantastic, but empty and lifeless. The Jarl is out on campaign, no one will know we're gone. I intend for us to gather supplies at Lund, then journey to Germany. From there, who knows. But I will never overthrow the Papacy as a minor Swedish Lordling who never leaves the realm."

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

Chapter 7:

Having gathered what loot and supplies they could from the Novgorod dead, the Nutcrackers make their way to Lund without any hiccups.



Burch's mood seems to have improved too, or well, it had until they actually got to town.




"These tournaments. I hope the "knights" and "nobles" all die horribly and their genitals get mutilated in battle. I hate these misogynist pissbaby cishet oppressors. I wasn't interested in their stupid toxic masculinity contests anyway!"
 

"I definitely think that these tournaments ought to have a bigger focus on equality. It's only fair if the results for everyone are exactly the same. We can only reach true equality in this world if the outcomes for all people are equal, and that includes tournaments and contests. For now M'lord, how about attending the feast?"
 
Taking MovieBob's advice, our hero heads to the castle, and demands to be hailed in as the Lord of Soderkoping, Knight of Feminism and Captain-General of the Nutcrackers.
 

 

"GRRAAAAGGGHHHH!! I HOPE THESE SEXLESS VIRGINS AND LITERAL RAPISTS GET CASTRATED RRRRAAAARRRGGGHHHH!!"
 
MovieBob steps inbetween Burch and the Castle Guards, his wide girth ensures that our hero doesn't attempt to rush the Guards and set the entire city against them. Bob smothers Burch and safely drags him away from the Keep as our hero hyperventilates, screeches and throws an impotent temper tantrum. 
 

"Okay, maybe that was a bad idea, Lord Burch. You just wait here, and I'll go find something for us to do."
 

"... I just hate this place... Christendom is so devoid of social justice, it's literally oppressing me every moment of every day. And check if they sell horses here. I want a new horse."
 

"S-sure. As you will, M'lord."
 
MovieBob ventures into town, and quickly finds the local horse merchant. Alas, the gold required for a healthy and fearsome steed far exceeds the gold the Nutcrackers have on hand. 
 
He's able to coax the Guild Master into giving them a job, so the trip was not a total loss.
 

 
MovieBob returns to Burch and delivers the news to our hero.
 

"Argh! My fiefdom for a horse! I cannot believe steeds are so expensive. We need a man of words who can ensure we receive the best prices for our trade in future. So where are we headed now? Wroclaw? Where's that?"
 
MovieBob rolls out the company's map of Europa, he marks the location of both Lund and Wroclaw with his quill. Just as Burch had talked about earlier, it would be their deepest foray into Europa so far. MovieBob hoped our hero would voice approval for securing this job, but is met only with glum irritation.
 

 

"Tch. I was guarding Caravans and winning Tournaments just last week. Now my horse is lame, my reputation is in tatters and we're stuck transporting cattle. What a turn of events."
 
The Nutcrackers leave Lund almost immediately, with MovieBob not willing to tale the men of another epic tale, Burch's rambling about his past and rigged tournaments were the only stories that the men listened to as they travelled.
 
It wasn't quite the level of MovieBob's story of Marius and Princess Pompeia but the men were still interested in their leader's history.
 

 

"I was once married, I told my wife that I wanted to prove I was in an open minded, progressive, feminist relationship. The misogynist virgins in Rome called me Master Cuck, though I knew secretly they craved the warmth of a woman... with another man's seed inside her..."
 


 
"And so, the scroll she sent via carrier pigeon was pinned to my wall. Anita herself recognised my talents as a feminist writer and I would always remind myself of my devotion to feminism by honouring her in that way. Unfortunately, the small minded misogynist conclave dubbed my works, 'Stories of the Lands Named Meme'. It was obvious they were jealous and incapable of appreciating how rich and arbitrarily diverse my works were..."
 


Burch's ranting at past frustrations made the trip go by rather quickly, and to everyone's surprise, they reach Wroclaw making good pace, never even stopping once to re-stock on food and supplies.
 
Burch delivers the cattle to a group farmers on the outskirts of town, fulfilling his task. He is surprised to find out that he'd have to return to Lund to receive his reward. Just his luck.
 
However, our hero did not forget his other purpose in coming to Wroclaw. He needed a mediator, someone with the gift of silver tongue, a loyal man whose strength came from his mind and his words, one who could benefit the greater good by engaging in trade on behalf of the Nutcrackers.
 
To that end, Burch enters the Tavern hoping to find what he is looking. And surely enough, he does. A man with speech eloquent, mind refined and inner strength unquestionable.
 

 
The Tavern Keeper proposes to Burch that he knows of such a man, one whose logic and sharp mind is formidable beyond question and who could easily help the Nutcrackers negotiate tough prices at the market. He offers to act as a proxy and setup an arrangement for our hero. Burch nods and the man runs to one of the lodgings upstairs. He soon returns with a man who clearly isn't a white European. An Arab, perhaps a Turk. All Burch knew that was he was a man of diversity.
 
The man looks at Burch and addresses him directly.
 

"Greetings. The Tavern Keeper has told me that you wish to enter into an arrangement with me? Very well. I require six-hundred gold pieces to settle my businesses here. Once you give me that, a weekly wage and a fair portion of loot and spoils, I shall be eager to join your company!"
 

"S-six hundred gold pieces? That's a little much, especially compared to other mercenaries."
 

"Lord Burch, the amount of gold other mercenaries prostitute themselves out for matters little to me. They are sellswords, destitute monks, disgraced knights and vagabonds. None will provide you with the contacts and negotiation abilities that I will. I require six hundred gold pieces to settle things here. There is no way around that. I assume you agree to the rest."
 

"Yes, I do... but look, what about five hundred gold pieces? If you're so skilled at negotiation, I'm sure you can haggle your debts down to five hundred."
 

"Five hundred? Hah! You fancy yourself a negotiator too, Lord Burch? Haha! What confidence! I like that in a leader. Consider me your man, Lord Burch. I agree to this deal. Please, allow me the time to settle my affairs in this city while you wait here."
 
The man hands our hero a couple of coins.
 

"I might be a while, friend. So have a drink or two on me."
 
The man walks out of the tavern with a hop and a whistle. Burch was in a good mood too. He had brought this silver tongue down by one hundred gold pieces and thoroughly impressed the man with his show of decisive leadership. Anita be willing, our hero's run of bad luck might be starting to turn.
 
Burch orders a large pint of Ale be served to him as he waits. As the Tavern Keeper hands our hero the drink, he sighs. Four hundred, the man tells Burch.
  

"Four hundred what?"
 

"He only needed four hundred gold pieces, M'lord and you gave him five hundred. You overpaid. You didn't ask me or any of the patrons before agreeing to his offer. If you did, M'lord, you would've known he didn't need five hundred gold pieces. Probably for the best you're hiring him, so that he saves you and your lot money later, eh?"
 
Perhaps it was the Ale, but Burch wasn't too upset at the revelation. The Tavern Keeper was right. One hundred extra gold pieces lost now could become thousands of gold pieces saved in the distant future. 
 

"This negotiator seems like a most interesting man, indeed. What's his name, Barkeep? Is he a feminist?"
 
The Tavern Keeper coughs for a moment and scratches his chin before answering.
 

"Uhh... I don't... uhhh, I don't th-think he's a feminist, M'lord. Uhh... Maybe? M-maybe, M'lord... But his name is Arsakes. Arian Arsakes."
 

[Nattfare]

I think the 'þ' sounds a bit like 'th' in 'the'. During the Vking Age, Svealand (where Westraarus/Västerås is located) was called 'Svíþjóð', which is often spelt 'Svitjod' when it is mentioned today.

Birger (biryer) Jarl led a crusade against Finland and put the Finns under Swedish rule. He was stopped by the Russian border in a crushing defeat against a Russian army. This defeat isn't mentioned in any Swedish records as far as I know.
The lord of Visby, Magnus "Ladulås" was Birger's second son who had his older brother, Valdemar, exiled when they competed for the throne. Valdemar was eventually executed by Magnus when he tried to come back to Sweden.
Visby, and the island Gotland in general, was also an important trading hub in the Baltic Sea during the Viking Age along with Birka.

And if anyone wonders, 'Wrocław' is pronounced 'Vrotswav'.

Some more useless information right there.

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

And if anyone wonders, 'Wrocław' is pronounced 'Vrotswav'.
 

 

I never would've guessed that hahah, nice.

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

Hah! Didn't even last a week!

 

No, but I do plan on updating this. Things are just a little busy and I have other things I'm doing at the moment. I already have a few chapters worth planned out and screenshotted, just need to write it all up here.