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[Dio Demon]

Want more senpai-syndrome from Cassandra.

 

Where are the bakas and the blushing?

 

Where are the desus and the yandere attitude?

Found a picture of Cassandra...

 

Spoiler

[Lotion Soronarr]

Can I call dibs on the nest Cursader?

 

FOR THE EMPEROR!!!

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

>tfw working on this thing at 7:00am lol
 

Chapter 2:

 

Reinforcements! The Lobbyists would be sure to appreciate some back up in these stressful times. And back up they did receive, as word of their exploits slowly spread across the land, so did other would-be heroes travel to the BioWare Forum Estate. Each willing to try their hand as the forum's saviour.
 

 

 
Su Lu Pi (yes I typo'd it in the game) is another Plague Doctor. With a Natural Eye for spotting bad posts, she eliminates all opposition with ease, either through precision dagger attacks or through blinding light stuns. Though she is a Weald Phobe, her ability to heal HP and cure ailments certainly comes in handy on the battlefield.
 

 
An Occultist with a healthy fascination for the macabre, Arian Keraunos is a powerful addition to the team. Though he is Light Sensitive and does less damage in heavily lit scenarios, he is Unerring, ensuring that he always gets his point across. Well-read and formidable, he does not suffer lightly the noise of fools.
 

 
Another Occultist, Gravisanimi may not share Arian's love of Eldritch horrors, in fact, the man has a Hatred of Eldritch. It doesn't stop him from reaching deep into his library for purposes that would drive a normal man insane. Winded and Bulimic, he may not be the hardiest member of the team, but he has talents of his own. An Amateur Armorsmith, he would definitely love to create his own equipment. Especially if that equipment is used to torment a certain Crusader...
 

 
The last hero to join the team in the week is Plague Doctor ruggly. An Early Riser, nothing makes her happier than to post in the morning in the glow of sunlight. Though her case of The Yips may cause her to be inaccurate at times, she is very accomplished, and is a very capable Warrens Adventurer. Unlike the other Plague Doctors on the roster, she possesses the Noxious Gas attack, which may end up being very useful in battle.
 
The Lobbyists mull over who ought to stay and who ought to go on the next trek into the ruins. While Bunz and Cranley were eager to fight again, Cassandra Saturn and mousestalker were decidedly less excited about the idea.
 

 
In the end, lots are drawn and the final order is decided. While Bunz and Cranley were already going, the final two places are won by Su Lu Pi and Arian Keraunos.
 
The Lobbyists once again descend down those dark steps...
 

 
What follows is a long and desperate struggle for survival. Though the Lobbyists brought supplies, they were completely unprepared for the barrage of traps...
 

 
Enemies...
 

 
And horrors that haunted those cursed Ruins.
 

 
Hungry, scared and injured, the Lobbyists stumble from room to room, unsure of whether they will be able to fill their quota.
 

 
Bunz slowly opens another door. Cultists and their Undead thralls jump out of the shadows to do battle. The Lobbyists are so disoriented that they fall out of formation.
 

 
The team takes some incredibly hard hits.
 

 
Though they give back their fair share as well.
 

 

"I don't think we can keep this up, guys."
 

"Ughh... what a goddamn mess."
 
Stress levels in the party begin to reach a critical point, the constant assault from the Cultists drive the Lobbyists back.
 
Bunz attempts to rally the others for one final push.
 

"We can do this, everyone! Come on, I won't falter here, I still need to confess my crush for O-"
 

 
Bunz is hit by a merciless attack and loses his balance, falling over. He struggles to get up, as blood begins to pour out of his open wounds and onto the floor.
 
The tipping point is reached. Arian is the first to crack.
 

 
Though the others are not far behind.
 

 
Bunz himself almost keels over, but his eyes are filled with a grim determination. Fighting through his gashes and wounds, Bunz stands tall on his feet and bellows at the enemy.
 

 

"A man explores Haunted Ruins and is crushed under the weight of his injuries and you think that of me? NO. I AM THE ONE WHO LIFTS!"
 
In a frightful display of righteous power, Bunz cuts down any and all remaining undead in the area. Not one is left... unalive?
 

 

"Hey that was pretty impressive, Bunz. Good job."
 

"Yeah, can you be almost-dead all the time?"
 
Bunz fails to respond.
 

"Giorgio would not lie! There are extraterrestrials who have altered our DNA!"
 

"We... better head back to town while we still can."
 
Su Lu Pi agrees with Jock Cranley's assessment, and they're forced to cut the expedition short. They failed their mission. 
 

 
Hauling off whatever gold and trinkets they were able to find, the Lobbyists slink their way back to town. They failed. But at least they were alive. For now.
 
And it seemed like there were a few new faces willing to help out on the next run.
 

[KingTony]

I AM THE ONE WHO LIFTS ohmygodwhatthefuhk

[mousestalker]

This is actually quite clever. Kudos!

[Leo]

Woo! Someone mentally broke, but boo bunz ended up being a hero.

[Johnnie Walker]

Kiaser hahaha. You hit the nail on the head with him.

[Dobby]

This is cute. 

[Jock Cranley]

LOL this is great.

[Zeroth Angel]

This is amazing. I can't wait to see who will fall to despair first.

 

Also "I am the one who lifts" 

 

My sides

[Decepticon Leader Sully]

I want this game..I must have it.

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

Chapter 3:

Our Dungeoneers enter the Abbey, a place of prayer, reflection and err... flagellation.
 

 
For the spiritually minded, it is a great place to spend time and de-stress from the horrors of dungeon running. So it's no surprise that the group dumps Arian and Bunz here to let them overcome their afflictions.
 

"Hah! Excellent! Once I complete my meditation, I will be powerful enough to destroy the multitude of eyes in the shadow that haunts us!"
 

"Look upon your Servant with mercy, Lord Liftus and grant me the necessary gains to carry out thy will..."
 
Piece of mind doesn't come cheaply, and the Lobbyists pay a "donation" for the Abbey's services.
 
As they exit the Abbey, they surround and examine the newest fleshbags to join their ragtag group.
 

 
Eternal Phoenix, eternally the Jester provides some much needed variety to the Lobbyists. Though his Curious nature may get the best of him at inopportune moments, he is a Fated individual, someone who is likely to make something out of nothing and save the team at the most desperate moment. He also has the ability to lower the stress levels of his friends during combat, calming them with fictional tales of Lowtez Draken, and Shrek, Lowtez' sexually dominant girlfriend.
 

 
Like Bunz, Inquisitor Recon is also a Crusader. Unlike Bunz however, Recon's Deity of Choice is more equestrian in nature than the God of Gains. Rather than praising Liftus Christ, or praising the sun like other knights, Inquisitor Recon worships the Moon. Luna is his God and he will become a Slayer of Mankind if he thinks it will please the Hooved Highness. After all, "the night is dark and full of terrors". Some of them just happen to be Lobbyists. This Egomaniac holds no fear of woodland monsters, as he is a known Weald Explorer. He is very capable on the frontlines, but he is also Anemic and a greater risk of bleeding out than most. 
 
Putting on the strongest, balanced team that they can, the Lobbyists settle on Inquisitor Recon, Jock Cranley, ruggly and mousestalker to embark on the next expedition.
 

 
The Lobbyists step into the Wealds, and they are immediately confronted by an environment that looks like a Mario acid trip gone wrong. 
 
It isn't long until they found enemies to fight. An assortment of ghouls and skeleton foes.
 

"R-remember everyone, in and out as quickly as possible."
 
With no spirosz around to yell "that's what she said!", the Lobbyists get to work without distraction. Jock Cranley fires a volley and damages the skeletons, while ruggly unleashes a devastating Noxious Blast, inflicting Blight on several opponents.
 

 
Recon takes advantage and gets his first rush of combat experience as he Smites the hapless undead.
 

 
Thrilled with their easy win, ruggly and Recon, the rookies, charge towards the next room. 
 
And find themselves under attack by more foes.
 

 

"This happens quite a lot. There's always nasty monsters trying to kill us."
 

"Yeah. Well, it is the BSN. Guess we'll be more careful next time."
 
The Fungus Foes are cut down one by one, but not without inflicting damage to the Lobbyists. The fight drags on, darkness begins to overpower the light and though the battle can only end in victory, the stress of it all starts to affect the team.
 

 
The Lobbyists push forward as light continues to fade. Their feeble attempts at illumination with Torches aren't lasting long, and passing over various un-marked graves has a chilling effect on the team. It brings out unusual behaviour in Recon, however.
 

 

"Agreed, we must fight and not let this evil place take over our minds. We cannot let Celestia's tight white plot consume us."
 

"..."
 

"W-what? Don't look at me like that! Impliers."
 
Unluckily, or perhaps luckily for the Lobbyists, the next room had even more dangerous enemies to fight. It would be the final room for them to clear out, and not a moment too soon either. The darkness was close to overwhelming the group.
 

 
mousestalker strikes first.
 

 
Her dazzling light damaging and stunning an enemy.
 

 
The light completely fades and the party's surroundings turn to darkness. Stress immediately builds up and even the hardy Jock Cranley isn't immune to despair. 
 
The Lobbyists attack with all their might, unaware if their abilities are even connecting with hostiles. The pitch black interrupted only by the occasional blinding flash of light provided by mousestalker.
 
Recon swings his broadsword and connects. He hit them hard. 
 

 
But was it friend or foe? 
 
The Lobbyists continue fighting, coordinating only by the sound of each other's movements. No one is brave enough to take command, and as the clangs of their metal boots and the tightening of their leather gloves fill the room, they realise that they were alone. In the dark.
 

"Oh to hell with this, I'm getting out of here!!"
 
Jock Cranley's hurried footsteps push the others to follow suit. The Lobbyists make a mad dash to the exit, feeling their way through the Weald and re-tracing their steps in a hurry. Not realising that they had already won. 
 
The Lobbyists do make it back to town, but Jock Cranley and ruggly were particularly shaken up and under stress. 
 
ruggly kicks open the Tavern door and plants herself next to the bar.
 

 
The other team members disperse, with mousestalker and Jock Cranley heading straight for the Abbey.
 

"At last, I see. I finally understand. In the solitude of meditation, I realise now that fearing the darkness is no sin, but that I must resist being overcome by that fe- HEY! What is the meaning of this?!"
 

 
In all the confusion, the arrival of the latest volunteer went un-noticed.
 

 

"Hello? Where'd everyone go?"

[Johnnie Walker]

"Agreed, we must fight and not let this evil place take over our minds. We cannot let Celestia's tight white plot consume us."
 

"..."
 

"W-what? Don't look at me like that! Impliers."

 

Omfg I read that in Recon's voice.

 

[Dio Demon]

 

 

"Agreed, we must fight and not let this evil place take over our minds. We cannot let Celestia's tight white plot consume us."
 

Oh... my god... *dies*

[Zeroth Angel]

 

 

"Agreed, we must fight and not let this evil place take over our minds. We cannot let Celestia's tight white plot consume us."
 

"..."
 

"W-what? Don't look at me like that! Impliers."
 
Unluckily, or perhaps luckily for the Lobbyists, the next room had even more dangerous enemies to fight. It would be the final room for them to clear out, and not a moment too soon either. The darkness was close to overwhelming the group.

I'm dying over here.

 

Keep it up KoC.

[Jeremiah12LGeek]

At first, I couldn't figure out how I could possibly be of any use, but then I got it: if any monsters come near me, I can whack 'em with my bottle.

[Eternal Phoenix]

Lowtez Draken? That's a name I haven't heard for a long time.

 

Personally I prefer his evolved form, older Lowtez Draken:

 

 

Unfortunately he never made it in any form in Inquisition.

[Johnnie Walker]

***Knights of Colour has asked me to post this chapter on the account that he is currently banned. Enjoy!***

 

 

Chapter 4:

 

 
With Recon, ruggly and Jock Cranley out of commission, it was up to the well rested Bunz to gather the people necessary to embark on the next expedition.
 
Bunz rounds up and gathers all the Lobbyists in town and charismatically asks for volunteers to follow him.
 

"In my prayers, I saw a vision of our noble group doing battle with a large and evil squid like monster who threatened to DESTROY US ALL. Yet despite my vision, I am now sure in the knowledge that we shall prevail over the curse that haunts BioWare and natty gains will be earned by all! Who's with me?!"
 
DobbySaurus is the first to speak up.
 

"That's kind of why I came, to purge the evil here. But first tell me about this squid you saw. I am, erhm, intrigued."
 

"The squid? Nothing much, except that we fight and slay the beast!"
 

"Slay? Aww..."
 

"So newcomer, tell us about yourself and what you can offer the Lobbyists."
 

 
DobbySaurus is a Grave Robber, not exactly a flattering occupation but the job has made her Irrepressible, meaning that she resists the effects of high stress more than others. Her fascination with the unusual (squids and dinosaurs in particular) has both it's benefits and hindrances. She is a Slayer of Eldritch monsters which is sure to come in handy, yet her Paranormania might come back to haunt her. Despite her Nymphomania ensuring she has a strong endurance, at least in certain tasks, she also suffers from Wasting Sickness which puts her at risk of catching diseases when out Dungeoneering.
 

"I may not be the strongest person out there, but I'm no newcomer, sugar. I know what I'm doing."
 

"Y-you t-too..."
 

"What?"
 

"N-nothing... uhh... a-anyone else w-want to join?"
 
Bunz was uncharacteristically shy and seemed to be blushing slightly, he even seemed to shrink in stature. Dobby didn't know what to think, neither did anyone else for that matter. Except for Cassandra, who merely scowled at Dobby.
 
Gravisanimi the Occultist steps forward and throws his hat into the ring.


"I will join you, Bunz, Dobby. I need to know what kind of horrors could've scared Recon like they did."
 

"Why would you wanna do that, bro?"
 

"R-research. It's just for a personal experiment I am conducting..."
 
Regardless of his motives, a skilled Occultist would be a welcome edition to the group.
 
Bunz looks over the other Lobbyists. He wanted someone with experience, someone who had been Dungeoneering already.
 

"Cassandra! Would you like to join us?"
 
Cassandra Saturn turns her head indignantly.
 

"Hmph! Now you come to me for help. Well, it's too late, Bunz. You are not my #1 crush anyway. I'm too busy to go into gross dungeons this week, i am spending time with my boyfriend in IMVU. Find someone else."
 
As Cassandra walks away, Su Lu Pi speaks up, fresh from her week-long Tavern de-stress binge.
 

"Hey Bunz, I think I can do it. Let's go!"
 
With the team for this week settled, the Lobbyists waste no time and head straight into the Weald.
 

 
With Bunz in front, Dobby right behind him, Su Lu Pi behind her and Gravisanimi pulling up the rear, it's a familiar formation order to the previous three expeditions.
 
The invigorated Bunz is eager to explore more of the Weald, and jumps into battle, striking at his enemies without fear or mercy.
 

 
They make good time, easily clearing out hostiles while exploring each and every area.
 

 
It seems they were not the only people to try their hand at cleansing the Weald. The party comes across a long dead adventurer, yet Bunz is incapable of resisting the lure of treasure hidden on the corpse.
 

 
Rifling through the dead man's clothing, he finds nothing of value. But he doesn't stop there, upon lifting up the body, he exposes the rotted and hollowed out flesh of the corpse, instantly giving off a foul smell that disgusts everyone there.
 
But while the event had ruined everyone else's appetite the "workout" made Bunz hungry.
 

 
Food is a consumable resource in the game (and in real life too har har), so before starting each Dungeon run, it's advised to bring plenty of food so as not to starve. Hunger in the game is dictated by RNG-driven prompts, where you are asked whether you should let the party eat (and consume a random number of food units depending on who eats, again RNG driven) or whether you let them starve. Letting them slip into starvation can affect the team very negatively when it comes to combat stats and stress, so it's advised to feed them if you can.
 
They continue on their path, and are surprised to find out that they have nearly cleared the entire section. Only a few more rooms until they can head back to town. They're met with another obstacle however, a growing mess of spiked roots block their path.
 

 

"Don't you worry guys, I brought a shovel!"
 
Dobby moves to the front of the group and pulls out a tool of her trade, the mighty shovel. Within no time at all, the roots are cleared and the Lobbyists are free to progress to the next area.
 
They enter a dark and dank cavern. But there are no memes here, only enemies.
 

 
The brigands attack first, one of them firing his gun and hitting the Lobbyists with a fearsome GrapeShot attack. 
 

 
His fellow brigand follows up with a devastating slash attack, but Bunz and Gravisanimi deftly dodge the blade.
 

 
Finally, the Lobbyists are in position to counterattack. 
 
Gravisanimi draws first blood.
 

"Disappointing. I had thought you to be capable of true terrors and perversions of the mind. But you are nothing but thugs and amateurs. No match for me. Be gone."
 

 
Dobby is next, and she aims for the large Brigand Bloodletter. The hulking brute notices her approach and launches a vicious attack her way.
 

 
But Dobby moves swiftly to even the ledger, with a well aimed pickaxe to the eyes. Dobby scores a critical hit and the Bloodletter goes down without a word.
 

 

"Heh. It's that easy."
 
She also finishes the battle with a precise Dagger Throw to the heart of the final Brigand.
 

 
Bunz wastes no time. Mouth watering, he unlocks the chest in the room and rummages through it's contents, keeping any valuables he finds. To himself.
 

 
The team is victorious for the week, having met their quota and they share a few high fives and congratulations before heading back to town.
 

 
Once arriving back with glory and spoils in hand, Su Lu Pi taps Dobby on the shoulder.
 

"Sorry."
 

"F-for what?"
 

"For this."
 
​Su Lu Pi drags Dobby over to the newly opened Sanitarium and pushes her into the waiting arms of Nurse Boris.
 

"Look, I'm a Plague Doctor so I know what I'm talking about. Many of the creatures we fight are diseased. Your weakness to them will be a liability. So best to get it treated now. See you in a week."
 

 
The Sanitarium is a place to get healing for the worst of your negative Quirks and Traits. It doesn't come cheap though, and I imagine the treatment regimen isn't very comfortable.
 

"Dobby? Where are you? I wanted to c-congratulate you on an excellent dungeon run! Great for a f..f-first timer. Heheh...."
 
Bunz looks all over town, but unable to find the Grave Robber, he dejectedly goes to "polish his sword".
 

 
The Blacksmith is kind of self explanatory, you can purchase tiers of possible upgrades on the left, and then purchase said upgrades for individual characters on the right.
 
Another week, another successful run. With Cranley, Recon and ruggly on the mend, it seems like our group of Lobbyists is adjusting well to dungeon life.

 

[Johnnie Walker]

 

"That's kind of why I came, to purge the evil here. But first tell me about this squid you saw. I am, erhm, intrigued."

 

 

"The squid? Nothing much, except that we fight and slay the beast!"
 

"Slay? Aww..."

I see what you did there.

 

I'm rooting for Grav now, btw. Boss.

[Johnnie Walker]

Also.

 

 

 

"In my prayers, I saw a vision of our noble group doing battle with a large and evil squid like monster who threatened to DESTROY US ALL. Yet despite my vision, I am now sure in the knowledge that we shall prevail over the curse that haunts BioWare and natty gains will be earned by all! Who's with me?!"

loldestoryusall

 

[Eternal Phoenix]

And still that scrub Eternal Phoenix is doing nothing but sitting in the tavern getting drunk. What a casual.

[mousestalker]

Just FYI, calamari is favourite of mine. I wouldn't say I'm all about the tentacles, baby, but they don't freak me out like some people.

[KingTony]

I keep hoping to see Tony Montana LOL. This LP is f*ckin' PLATINUM.