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[Simfam]

Yes

YES.

 

Clense. Purge. KILL THE WITCH!

 

What we see:

 

 

What Lotion sees:

 

[Dio Demon]

 

Oh god... it's going to go "Nippaaa" isn't it!?

 

A hideous witch saying that... I... just might kill myself to end the pain early.

[Decepticon Leader Sully]

Killit whith fire.

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

Chapter 31:

The Hag. The Lobbyists take a collective breath, then begin their assault. The zealous Lotion strikes first, building up speed and hitting the Hag with his penetrating thrust.



The Hag shrugs off the powerful attack, and waddles towards the group.


"Hah, look at that thing. It's like we're on tumblr!"

However, Dio's laughter doesn't last long.




"Sim, why don't you join me for a meal? You'll be here for a while, I feel."



The Hag scoops Sim up effortlessly throws the terrified Leper into her boiling Cauldron.



Hearing Sim's screams disconcerts the usually sturdy Crusader. Lotion pulls out a scroll and re-reads his Holy Orders for a shot of much needed courage and fortitude.






"Emperor protect me! I cannot fail now. I must fight! For her!"

Lotion's scroll was of little comfort to Sim, however.



Dio just shrugs and shoots the Hag.



Dio smirks. However the Hag isn't phased. She takes a sip of the Sim Stew using her ladle, then throws the boiling hot water and ingredients at the Highwayman.



The Hag is effective at keeping the Lobbyists away from Sim and the Cauldron. A fact that Sim did not enjoy at all.



Rah leaps into action, using his dexterity, he's able to avoid the Hag's slow and lumbering movements, slashing both her and the Cauldron before retreating back behind the others.



The Hag loses her balance attempting to chase after the slippery Jester, and Dio takes full advantage.



The Hag is thrown backwards and lands on her ass, clearly unprepared for the heavy one-two combo of Rah and Dio.


"You were expecting an easy opponent? Too bad! You get me, Dio!"


"This is the hardest group I've faced, I want to see how good they taste!"

As the Hag laughs off the injury and picks herself up off the ground, Lotion takes the opportunity to knock the Cauldron over and free Sim from his predicament.




"T-thanks, Lotion.. that was excruciatingly painful. Been a while since I've experienced it."


"Don't thank me, Sim. Thank your God-Emperor! It is His Will that I carry and it is through his Providence that you are saved."

Screeching angrily, the Hag puts her Cauldron back into place and refills it with water.


"These cursed Lobbyists are so rude, they'll be less trouble once they're skewed. I won't stop till I've peeled off their skin, now that's a sight that'll make me grin."

She eyes the group carefully.



She charges at the group with malicious intent. Sim and Lotion tense up, prepared to defend themselves. However, they're caught off-guard as she waddles past them.


"You were the first to catch me off guard, hope you enjoy being boiled and scarred!"



Swearing profanities, the group turns around to chase after the Hag. But it's too late, She retreats back to her position successfully, dumping Rah into the Cauldron.



Not wasting any time, Sim immediately tips the Cauldron over, to the dismay of the Hag.




"Are you okay, Rah?!"


"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks, bro!"

The Hag scowls at the duo, but Lotion gives her no time to attack, taking her head on.


"RARGHHH XENO PENETRATOR! TAKE MY SHARPENED BLADE YOU VILE HAG! WRITHE IN PAIN AS IT PIERCES YOUR DEEPEST AND WEAKEST REGIONS!"

The Hag could barely raise her hands in self defence, the thrust does significant damage.



The weakened Hag roars with inconsolable anger and towers over Lotion.




"You ruined my meal you stupid bish, so take his place in my dish!"

She tosses Lotion into the Cauldron as the Crusader screams in agony.



Still within arm's reach, Sim attempts to split the Cauldron with a heavy Sword Slice. However, the Cauldron proves more durable than expected.



Reacting quickly, the Hag pushes Sim back by flinging boiling water at him.



The Hag takes the opportunity to push forward and press her attack on the Lobbyists.



Although Rah manages to nimbly avoid the attack, Sim and Dio get hammered hard by the Hag.




"I-is that the best you've got, you damn Hag?! Ahaha! Come at me!"

The Hag's face contorts into an evil grin and obliges the defiant Leper.



Dio falls to the ground and gingerly gets up onto his knees, but Sim was hit hard by the second attack and begins to feel the fatigue of the Cauldron from earlier. His adrenaline rush beginning to wear off, AND he comes dangerously close to succumbing to his wounds.




"Ayahaha, what happened to your mighty boast? Have you finally realised now you're toast?"

The Hag cackles, but fails to take into account that Rah managed to dodge her powerful attacks earlier. She realises her mistake a second too late, as her expression changes from delight to shock as the agile Jester makes up the distance between the two in an instant. Her eyes wide open in horror as Rah leaps towards her with Dagger in hand. He plants it into the side of her neck, killing the Hag instantly.



Rah quickly tips the Cauldron over to release an injured Lotion. The Crusader writhes on the ground for a few moments as Sim loses consciousness.


"Ughhh... Emperor preserve us, it's finally over.."

Worried, Dio tries to waken the Leper, but to no avail. He turns to Rah.


"Hey, Rah! We need to head back to town. Now. Sim might not make it."

The Jester just smiles back at the Highwayman.


"He'll make it, Dio. After all, we won, didn't we? We won, bros."

[leighzard]

 

"You were expecting an easy opponent? Too bad! You get me, Dio!"

 

leighzard endorses this chapter.

Two thumbs up.  Fine holiday fun.

[Simfam]

I can't believe I've lived to see the day where Lotion becomes MVP.

[Voxr]

I can't believe I've lived to see the day where Lotion becomes MVP.

It was the God-Emperor's will.

[CrazyRah]

The power of love! Bro getting me out of the cauldron instantly and the hag should know better than touch MY bro. DEEEEEEATH is the only solution for such a crime! Though bro.. do try to avoid almost dying, not good for my heart.

[Simfam]

The power of love! Bro getting me out of the cauldron instantly and the hag should know better than touch MY bro. DEEEEEEATH is the only solution for such a crime! Though bro.. do try to avoid almost dying, not good for my heart.

 

I have to admit.

 

I had a

 

"Haha nice one, Crusty. Now post the real chapter"

 

Post in mind.

[Johnnie Walker]

 

"Hah, look at that thing. It's like we're on tumblr!"

 

Dumblr's worse.

 

 

 

Lol Gruntilda

 

 

Dio smirks. However the Hag isn't phased. She takes a sip of the Sim Stew using her ladle, then throws the boiling hot water and ingredients at the Highwayman.

 

She'll get food poisoning. Goddamn it Sim.

 

 

"These cursed Lobbyists are so rude, they'll be less trouble once they're skewed. I won't stop till I've peeled off their skin, now that's a sight that'll make me grin."

 

These rhymes make me wanna punch her.

 

 

Although Rah manages to nimbly avoid the attack, Sim and Dio get hammered hard by the Hag.

 

While I'm back at the tavern getting hammered myself. Oooooh.

 

 

"I-is that the best you've got, you damn Hag?! Ahaha! Come at me!"

 

but Sim was hit hard by the second attack and begins to feel the fatigue of the Cauldron from earlier. His adrenaline rush beginning to wear off, AND he comes dangerously close to succumbing to his wounds.

 

 

 

The Hag cackles, but fails to take into account that Rah managed to dodge her powerful attacks earlier. She realises her mistake a second too late, as her expression changes from delight to shock as the agile Jester makes up the distance between the two in an instant. Her eyes wide open in horror as Rah leaps towards her with Dagger in hand. He plants it into the side of her neck, killing the Hag instantly.

 

[Fast Jimmy]

Glorious. Great post. This series just keeps getting better.

[Dio Demon]

Yeah... I didn't suffer third degree burns. Though it doesn't matter for Sim... he's a leper and his flesh was already peeling off.

 

Also +10 points of Banjo Kazooie.

[The Love Runner]

I can't believe I've lived to see the day where Lotion becomes MVP.

It was the God-Emperor's will.

BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

[Voxr]

BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Yeah, well, you know. That's just, like, your opinion man.

[mybudgee]

Yeah, well, you know. That's just, like, your opinion man.

[CrazyRah]

 

 

This is now the best post I've seen this year. It's absolutely brilliant!

[Lotion Soronarr]

I can't believe I've lived to see the day where Lotion becomes MVP.

 

The Emperor is with me as are the Sister of Battle. In their sight I cannot fail.

 

Now...

Off to the brothel. I have another witch to "purge"

[Inquisitor Recon]

The Emperor is with me as are the Sister of Battle. In their sight I cannot fail.

 

Now...

Off to the brothel. I have another witch to "purge"

Trechaerous and vile eldar. I'd suggest bringing plenty of promethium for the job.

[Lotion Soronarr]

Trechaerous and vile eldar. I'd suggest bringing plenty of promethium for the job.

 

Worry not.

I shall stab her repeatedly with my big sword.

She will scream the Emperors name and beg for mercy.

[Dominus]

10 outta 10, nailed it out of the park bro.

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

Chapter 32:

With Sim safely tucked away in the Sanitarium to heal and recover from his wounds, the other Lobbyists discuss what to do next.


"Whaddaya mean you already took the Hag down? That was our job!"


"Well, too bad. Guess you can take the Necromancer out for us instead since Sim will need a while to recover."


"What?! That's not fair at all and we're pretty upset you'd go behind our backs and kill steal like that!"


"Not really. More Rise of Rome for me."


"Yeah dude, it's not a big deal."


"Don't really care either way, to be honest. As long as we kill someone, I'm happy."


"You guys suck."

Laughing, Dio walks away from the group and heads over to the table seating Walker, Recon, Jimmy and Dominus.


"Okay, so we'll need you four to train the new guys. leighzard, Jehuty, Voxr and Corvus all need to be prepared for their next confrontation with the MP Brigands and you guys are the most experienced group. So we need you to stay here an-"

A bullheaded Walker interrupts Dio mid-sentence.


"F*ck you. We've been sitting on our asses for weeks now and my bar tab is getting too damn high. I know LPPrince is still out there, and we're going to lure him out."

The Highwayman looks for support from Dominus. The Occultist shrugs his shoulders.


"Hahhh... Fine, whatever. You lure out LPPrince or King or whatever he likes to call himself. We'll let Bison, budgee, Sully and ruggly train the others. I need a drink."


"Heh, why don't you... put it on my tab, my good man."

The Hellion stands up, and the others soon follow. The group was itching to test themselves and Walker clearly had a plan.

She leads then them towards the Warrens and addresses them.


"There's only one way to lure LPPrince out of hiding. And that's by killing absolutely everything we can find inside the Warrens!"

Though Recon cheers at the proposal for total slaughter, Fast Jimmy voices his doubts.


"But Heather, do you have any proof he's even alive still?"


"I'm glad you asked that Jimmy. I know LPPrince is still alive, because STFU. That's why."

Frowning, Jimmy retracts his objection and the Lobbyists head straight into the Warrens for some good ol' fashioned Extermination.



The Warrens were smelly and difficult to navigate as usual. However, there were signs of recent activity all over the place and Jimmy was forced to dismantle traps all over the place. While he did so, he had to admit that perhaps Walker was right about LPPrince.



The team strides forward, and they soon come to a large chamber. With foes ready and waiting.




"I THRUST FOR YOU, LUNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"



The Swine are caught off guard by Recon's theatrics, and Fast Jimmy is quick to take advantage.



Full of devotion for his Queen and supremely focused, Recon easily avoids the the Swinetaur's counter charge.



However, the attack carries forward momentum and the Swinetaur crashes into Jimmy and Walker. The Bounty Hunter is nimble enough to dodge the piercing lance, but the Hellion was not.



Before the Swinetaur can recover his balance however, Dominus fires a devastating curse on the beast.



Leaving it wide open and weak against Fast Jimmy's savage Hand-Axe attack.



With their enemies down, they continue through the Warrens.



And encounter yet more enemies.



Dominus strikes first, summoning otherworldly tentacles to damage their foes.




"Hmph. I may have gotten weird looks at the hospital, but devouring those umbilical cords paid off."

Perpetually disturbed by the Occultist's machinations, Recon moves in for a more direct attack, dealing a fatal blow in the process.



Meanwhile, the giant Flesh Eater jumps and attacks Johnnie Walker, pushing the Hellion back.



However, the monster quickly loses momentum, allowing Walker to strike back hard with her Halberd and end the fight.



Not wanting to rest, Walker insists the team press forward right after the battle.



And yet again, she leads them into another fight.




"Aww, p*ss! Why are there so many of these c*nts?"

Recon charges at the enemy formation and takes out one of the Cultists with ease.



However, the Swinetaur unleashes a devastating Lance charge at Johnnie Walker, knocking her off her feet.



Dominus quickly steps in to heal the Hellion, playing classic cartoon clips to reinvigorate her.



Recon meanwhile ducks and weaves around the slashes of Cultists.



Before delivering the killing blow on his opponent.




"Pssh. Nothin' personnel, kid."

But with the Lobbyists occupied, the Swinetaur readies himself for an almighty lance charge. He cuts a path clean through the Lobbyist formation, striking the entire group with powerful force.



Scrambling to his feet before the others, Dominus places a curse on the Swinetaur, making it an easier target to destroy.



Undeterred by Dom's curse, the Swinetaur turns around and charges again, inflicting more damage to the Lobbyists although Dominus' quick recovery enables to him jump out of the way in time for the impact.



Getting to his feet and standing firm, Recon pulls out his War Banner to inspire the others.






"By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you, stand Fast Jimmy!"

Jimmy immediately jumps to his feet, and after a brief moment of saluting the Banner, he attacks the Swinetaur head-on.



A vicious flurry later and the huge foe goes down.




"Really, Jimmy? Really?"


"Yes."

Shaking her head in disbelief, she allows the group some time to patch up their wounds. There were still plenty of paths and sewers in the Warrens to traverse. Plenty of swine to extinguish. She'd get LPPrince's attention sooner or later. She had to.

[Dio Demon]

 

 

DEAR GOD!

 

MY RIBS!

 

TAKE ALL MY CRITS!

[Simfam]

Crusty.

 

You've outdone yourself.

 

Had to call the ambulance for a ruptured spleen.

[leighzard]

Best installment yet.  Pure gold. I choked on my tea. 

 

 

"I'm glad you asked that Jimmy. I know LPPrince is still alive, because STFU. That's why."

 

And the banner, my god, that beautiful Luna banner.  It is an inspiration to us all.

 

 

 

"Hmph. I may have gotten weird looks at the hospital, but devouring those umbilical cords paid off."

What is it like in that twisted, brilliant little head of yours, Crusty?

[CrazyRah]

This is a work of art. Something to be treasured for generations! Hahaha