Except the Qun doesn't care what any individual in it wants. The Qun is a collectivist society: sacrifice individuality to benefit the community. It used to be you are what the Qun chooses you to be, not what you choose to be. That was retconned "expanded" by Gaider, like other things about the Qun.
Yeah. But many of their social roles are essentially tied to a specific gender, which is where the Aqun-Athlok come into play. Sten was also a member of the Beresaad, which is part of the Antaam, or the Qun's military; they operate differently from the Ben-Hassrath.
That's exactly the problem. Sten is a loyal member of the Qun's military. He would know more about what and how the Qun thinks and views about soldiers than a priest who has been playing Tal-Vashoth long enough he thinks he may be becoming one would.