I hate to say it, but reality is grossly overrated in fiction. Heroes should die, and in fact most heroes outside of religion and myth, were surrounded by armies, or commanded them and did less battle. So every major battle needs to be a swarm of enemies right after the other and even one hit can take our guys out of the fight, hows the infection roll coming? Also lots of logistics. Wait around and train people and getting supplies is the main game. Romance often takes years, or nothing except personal interest. Since it is pretty impossible to keep track of character gen then they will randomly determine if a character is into you. After that it is awkward and they leave because of it. Also rules about dating people below you, so Shepard should have no romances except with people breaking the rules, so no people who listen to rules or are part of the military structure.
It is fun because it isn't realistic. For realism there is life, there is reality. It takes years and years to do these things, video games can't replace life. A realistic game is Doing Taxes, or Cleaning after animals, What you are wanting out of this game is impossible. It would not be fun if it was realistic. I am not talking about fantasy elements here. Why pick gender and race? In real life you don't. In fact make looks completely random as to suit what we are given in life.
Realism is only there to make it feel more fun. Supply management is fun for some people, because by being smart and putting another needed element of skills to win, it feels better to achieve. But usually even heroes die by accident. Every fight, you have a 8% chance to die by accident because nothing in your skill set could have saved you. That isn't fun. Realism serves up until it gets in the way of being epic.
Yes, if you are a Dwarf Male AND make the right choices you are attractive to Cassandra, Josephine, Iron Bull, and Dorian 4 very different people who want different things in a mate. Sure they could all hate dwarves, but the point of the romance and game is you can have the kind of hero you want and then try to have a type of romantic story from the provided choices. Realism isn't a goal in itself. It isn't supposed to be. It never has been. Experience an epic story is the point of fantasy.
In epic stories, heroes always should get the girl. Han shouldn't have gotten Leia just because he is the hero. What prince will look everywhere for a girl and a shoe when there were plenty of other women? Stories and fun gets bogged down by logistics. Every science fiction movie, every fiction book, every game ignores reality and realism for the sake of a good story. If you need romance to cling to reality to the degree that it is like speed dating, go speed dating and demand that same reality over other aspects of the game.
Where are the cries to have the character already know most of their skills by play (as most very trained adults do) they can only add a few more skills. They can't increase their health which is always low enough that a big enough blow can kill them one shot. Some bad guys are just better than you (in reality someones always better at something enough to kill you) if you ever meet them, you die, but you never know which ones they are. Infection is a constant worry as is disease. And even 1 hit can keep you off the fight for weeks to the point you miss major battles and events. Of course all these things can lead to game over.
In fact, for every soldier, there are 2 who need to provide for the army. Why not play the bootmaker? The secretary? the blacksmith? The farmer that grows the food? Every game about war being mostly about soldiers is unrealistic. Where is the farmer provides food for soldiers game?
Very Sorry for this rant.