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[Teddie Sage]

Yo, I need some help with my Haiku right now. It's a work in progress and it's a not a normal one. What I mean is that it's a super haiku which has many small haikus to form one long message.

Spoiler

The Depressed Monkey
-----------

perching on a branch
the monkey tried to conceal
his pain and sadness
 

only, he fell down
and cried and yelled and growled which
forced him to resign
 

so he could open
up his heart to the others
he was afraid, yet
 

he knew that hiding
wasn’t the best solution
any longer, and
 

he had realized as
he sealed away his heart that
he hurt his loyal
 

and devoted friends.
there are things he can’t control
like his temper or
 

his bad, tasteless jokes
however he is thankful
to have them around.
 

"thank you," says the chimp
"you are more important than
you believe you are.”
 

"i may not always
be my best, talking about
my deepest feelings
 

but the fact alone 
you are still there and putting
me in my place means
 

the world to me”, he
said as he accepted to
talk with them for help.
 

the path is long and
covered in thorns, yet he knows
that he needs to brave
 

his fears and let in
some of his friends before he 
loses it for good
 

the moral of this 
story is that you should eat
more sweet bananas
 

and obviously that
you should never take your friends
for granted. because
 

they matter more than
you actually think, so
please, be nice to them

[dongsaeng]

You're more important than.
I think you're you should be you are instead. So that its 7 syllables.

be the best at talking about
1 syllable too much.

completely cracks
needa 1 syllable more

Looks good so far though.

[Teddie Sage]

Okay, so words with 're, 's don't really count as two syllables. I see. The guy who helped me said that if I insisted on using those, that it would count as two syllables. Thanks for helping.

[Teddie Sage]

completely cracks
needa 1 syllable more

Changed that to: loses it for good

 

Anything else I need to edit?