I have to summarize, because this is too long.
@Sylvius the Mad Physical reality would have everything to do with Krem's placement in the Qun.
Believe me, I always try to make a storyline make sense. You may have seen me do this in the Hawke/Bloodmagic thread, or the King vs. Prince Consort threads. The way I have this make sense is for The Iron Bull to be deceptive for Krem's sake. Either what he says contradicts The Sten directly, or he is giving a half truth, that aqun-athlok are recognized by the Qun, but mum's the word on what is done with them. He may be hiding the fact that aqun-athlok are reeducated, and instead responding to Krem's statement with his own opinion of what aqun-athlok are. A sly diversion that neither insults Krem nor misrepresents the Qun. "Yes, the Qun recognizes the existence of those who are one gender but live like the other, and I say they are the gender they think they are." That's basically what The Iron Bull is doing. He's making you think the Qun respects transgenderism, when in fact only he does because he disagrees with some parts of the Qun.
As stated by Training Dragon above, The Sten identifies the female Warden's biological sex based on her appearance, while at the same time being confounded by her behavior in carrying out a male role. He also clearly states that women should not wish to be men, it would only lead to frustration. In order to even identify a transgender one must necessarily recognize the biological sex of the person and then the gender the person wishes to be. Otherwise, all you would do is recognize the gender the person wishes to be and just assume that person is that gender, in which case you would not call the person transgender or aqun-athlok but rather simply call the person by that gender. In that case this discussion would not exist.
@DomeWing333 But it wouldn't just be a case of a stupid belief, the act of following it would also be stupid, as would having it at all. You're going to claim your Qun is truth and should be followed because it is "enlightenment", and yet you create ways to get around the Qun's rules rather than just strike out the rule? That would show the Qunari acting stupidly.
@Hiemoth 1. Was The Sten describing "the whole Qun" to us in Origins, or was he just describing one belief from the Qun? That would be like the Christian describing the one belief of thou shalt not steal. Now, if another Christian came along and told you the exact opposite, that thou shalt steal, would you not think to yourself that one of those two people is incorrect?
The Sten may have been of the military branch, but that is exactly the role we are discussing here, the warrior. Assuming The Sten is ignorant of the Qun, he still sees the battlefield. He knows what soldiers are. He knows there are no women fighting as soldiers. It is not done. That said, he clearly shows that he is a dedicated follower of the Qun. He is even willing to die for his mistakes rather than walk away from the Qun's teachings. And if The Sten is not a valid source because he is not a Tamassran or whatever, then the same standard would apply to The Iron Bull, in which case you can't say the Qun would accept Krem as is.
2. The culture does not define what those statements mean. Words define what those statements mean. And the Qun defines what The Sten thinks. The statement about how a woman cannot be a warrior does not show what a woman is defined as, but the statement about how a woman should not wish to be a man DOES define it. The Sten says a woman cannot be a man. It is not done. There is no more to it. Tallis is not classified as a warrior. She is a spy of sorts.
Armaas in the Silverite Mines. "The Qun is a lie! I am Tal-Vashoth, an outcast. My life belongs to me. I do not help darkspawn, I help myself."