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[B.A. Broska]

Not long after the call for adventurers had been put out, mighty heroes (2 of them) from around the world began to line up for their share of the action, first in line a dwarf who looked like he had already had a little too much to drink.

 

 

 

B.A. Broska - "Name?"

 

FraQ - "I am FraQ, but my friendsch call me FraQ *hic*"

 

 

 

B.A. Broska - "And what skills do you have to offer this illustrious mercenary outfit FraQ?"

 

FraQ merely turns to the side and vomits on the tavern floorboards

 

B.A. Broska - "Ah I see you will be perfect for front line combat, welcome aboard! If you would kindly just sign on the dotted line"

 

FraQ smears ink all over the parchment then gives a wobbly salute

 

FraQ - "I won't letsch you down schir"

 

then stumbles off to the bar to get another drink. The next in line appears to be a paladin.

 

 

 

Lotion Soronarr - "Is this where we sign up for the Broskan Navy?"

 

B.A. - "It certainly is, if you could just fill out this form for me"

 

The man signs his name as Lotion Soronarr.

 

 

 

Lotion Soronarr - "Hmm, I am having trouble reading this last question, somebody seems to have crossed it out"

 

B.A. Broska - "Oh don't worry about that last question, we aren't allowed to ask it anymore"

 

Lotion Soronarr - "I think I can make it out, 'are you a hom-' "

 

B.A. Broska - "Please don't, I could get banned by the moderators if you answer that question"

 

Lotion Soronarr - "But i'm not a homos-"

 

B.A. Broska - "LALALALALA, I CANT HEAR YOU, LALALALALA"

 

With the first 2 members of the Broskan Navy signed up it is decided it is time to break open a few kegs of ale and after a night of heavy drinking FraQ decides it would be a brilliant idea to raid the innkeep's unmentionables.

 

 

Within those draws we manage to locate a relic of unimaginable power, the hat of uber manliness

 

 

+10 bonus to virility and manliness, we also steal the innkeep's dog for.... reasons. (is there something I am supposed to do with the dog?)

 

As consciousness begins to fade the rest of the night turns into a blur, the next thing I know it is morning and I have woken in the stables with the taste of vomit in my mouth, looking into the stall next to mine I see FraQ passed out with his arm wrapped firmly around a rather scared and confused Orlan.

 

Crusty - "Could you please get this drunken oaf off me?"

 

After waking FraQ and helping him to his feet he wobbles unsteadily to the corner to vomit vowing under his breath never to drink again

 

Crusty - "Thank you, I thought I might have been stuck under there for hours, I am known as Crusty"

 

 

 

Crusty - "I had originally come here seeking some land to settle down and start anew, but after speaking with the steward it would seem those plans are on hold while the Lord's wife is due with child. Say, you don't happen to know of any work to be had around here in the meantime do you?

 

B.A. Broska - "Well I had heard the Broskan navy is hiring"

 

Crusty - "Great, where do I sign up?"

 

B.A. Broska - "Just on the dotted line"

[FraQ]

This story checks out!

Off to a good start Broska!


p.s.

Sorry Crusty, I thought you were a teddy bear... *hic*

[B.A. Broska]

 

 

Lotion Soronarr - "It is shameful that this town could let such a magnificent temple fall into such disrepair, who knows what manner of foul beast infest the temple now? Somebody needs to give this temple a good cleansing"

 

FraQ - "Yeah just think of all the riches we would find down there!"

 

Lotion Soronarr - "Wait what?! no I-"

 

Crusty - "And all the tomes of lost knowledge"

 

B.A. Broska - "Lotion is right, it is our solemn duty to plunder this temple for all it is worth, onward to riches and glory!"

 

FraQ and Crusty - "YAY!"

 

Lotion Soronarr just lets out a long and drawn out sigh

 

Lotion Soronarr - "Well so long as the Temple gets a cleansing while we are down there"

 

As we walk down the temple stairs however we notice somebody who seemed to have had the same idea

 

 

 

FraQ - "HEY YOU! HANDS OFF MY LOOT, I SAW IT FIRST!"

 

Crusty - " 'Our' loot"

 

Wirtan - "Hang on, easy there, it's not what it looks like, I am not here to loot this temple"

 

The man winces in pain as he looks down at his arm

 

Wirtan - "Not that I am in any condition to be tomb raiding even if I were, have a care if you plan to go in, the temple's new residents aren't quite as friendly as the old ones."

 

B.A. Broska - "So what were you doing here if not stealing our riches?"

 

Wirtan - "I had hoped to find the remains of the priests who fell here when the temple was sealed during the war, give them a proper burial, please if you plan to go in would you mind bringing me the remains of any priests you find? I can make it worth your while"

 

Before I have a chance to speak Lotion opens his fat gob

 

Lotion Soronarr - "Of course we would be more than happy to help you good sir!"

 

Wirtan - "Oh thank you kind sir, if there are any remains to be found you will most likely find them on the lowest floor, I will wait here until you return"

 

The denizens of the ruins provide little challenge as our heroes cut through spiderlings and skuldur alike, once the dust clears Crusty sets about finding all the old scrolls are lore tomes while FraQ collects anything shiny with Lotion looking on with mild disgust. As we progress further into the ruins we eventually find our way blocked by a large wooden door that seems to be connected to 3 large bells. The group sets to work trying to find a way through.

 

 

 

Crusty - "Hmm, one of the scrolls I picked up earlier seems to indicate that the bells are somehow connected to this door, it is my theory that if we ring the bells in a certain order the doors will swing open and give us passage to the lower sections of the temple, what do you think FraQ?"

 

But FraQ does not give a response

 

FraQ - "FraQ?"

 

 

FraQ seems transfixed by the bells as if caught in a trance, suddenly he opens his mouth to speak

 

FraQ - "I can feel it coming"

 

FraQ - "In the air tonight"

 

FraQ - "Oh lord"

 

FraQ - "And I've been waiting"

 

FraQ - "For this moment for all my life"

 

FraQ - "Oh lord"

 

FraQ - "Can you feel it coming in the air tonight?"

 

Lotion Soronarr - "Oh lord save us! he's been possessed by Phil Colins!"

 

FraQ - "If you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand, I've seen your face before my friend, but I don't know if you know who I am"

 

FraQ - "Because I was there and I saw what you did, I saw it with my own two eyes, so you can wipe off that grin, I know where you've been, its all been a pack of lies!"

 

Suddenly FraQ goes apeshit and starts hammering away at the bells with his axes, using them as if they were drumsticks

 

FraQ - "I CAN FEEL IT COMING IN THE AIR TONIGHT"

 

Crusty - "QUICK SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!"

 

FraQ - "OH LORD"

 

Thinking on his feet Lotion grabs FraQ by the collar and lifts him into the air

 

Lotion Soronarr - "SNAP OUT OF IT FRAQ! THE POWER OF EOTHAS COMPELS YOU!"

 

Lotion smacks FraQ square across the face with an open palm

 

FraQ - "Oh thank you Lotion, I don't know what came o-"

 

Lotion smacks him again

 

Crusty - "I think he has had enough Lotion!"

 

and again

 

Lotion Soronarr - "DON'T YOU EVER!"

 

*smack*

 

Lotion Soronarr - "EVER!"

 

*smack*

 

Lotion Soronarr - "DEFILE!"

 

*smack*

 

Lotion Soronarr - "THIS HOLY TEMPLE!"

 

*smack*

 

Lotion Soronarr - "WITH THE MUSIC OF GENISIS!"

 

*smack*

 

Lotion Soronarr - "EVER AGAIN!"

 

*smack*

 

Lotion Soronarr - "DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!"

 

FraQ - "o-okay"

 

Lotion smacks FraQ again and dumps him unceremoniously on the temple floor. With all the commotion the group only just realizes the doors barring the way have been opened.

 

 

 

B.A. Broska "Good work Lotion, it seems your punishing of the heathen has appeased Eothas and he has unbarred the way for us! Onward!"

[B.A. Broska]

It is on the lower floor that the group encounters a much more dangerous foe, the spirits of the departed, but with grit and determination we prevail against these new foes as well looting everything of value along the way, eventually we reach the end of the temple and in a secret compartment we find the bodies of some priests.

 

B.A. Broska "Alright, looks like we found the remains you were looking for Lotion, hurry up and get them out of here before the stench overwhelms us all"

 

Lotion Soronarr - "Wait why me?"

 

B.A. Broska "Because you are the one who so kindly volunteered to do the job, now get to work!"

 

Lotion grumbles as he is forced to pick up the remains, however just as he is finished wrapping the last of the bodies a spirit appears and treats the group to a vision, the vision shows Wirtan abandoning the priests locked in an underground cellar after having promised to return, as the priests succumb one by one to hunger and thirst Lotion appears to become increasingly more unsettled.

 

 

B.A. Broska "Get lost spirit, I don't accept jobs from those without a means of payment, find someone else to carry out your vengeance"

 

The spirit disappears in a flash of anger and the room is silent once more.

 

B.A. Broska "Looks like we are done here, lets get out of here"

 

Lotion Soronarr - "You guys go ahead, I just need a moment to collect my thoughts"

 

So with that the rest of us head topside to claim our reward

 

 

Wirtan - "You were down there a while, find anything?"

 

B.A. Broska "You will have to separate them yourself, it's a bit of a mess"

 

Wirtan - "You found them then?"

 

B.A. Broska "You mentioned a reward?"

 

Wirtan - "Ah yes, here"

 

Wirtan pulls out a sack of coins and hands it over

 

Wirtan - "you did your part and I thank you for it, say you didn't ah... happen to find anything else down there did you?"

 

B.A. Broska "Well....."

 

Lotion Soronarr - "WIRTAAAAN!"

 

Suddenly Lotion comes rushing around the corner and grabs Wirtan by his neck

 

Lotion Soronarr - "THEY TRUSTED YOU AND YOU BETRAYED THEM!"

 

Wirtan starts to gargle and manages to choke out one word

 

Wirtan - "Help"

 

B.A. Broska "Well if it were up to me I would let you go, but then again I don't really care what happens one way or the other"

 

Wirtan - "but..... I...... payed..... you"

 

B.A. Broska "Technically you only payed me to find the remains, not to protect your worthless hide, so in reality I must do nothing, perhaps you will have better luck in the next cycle"

 

Lotion Soronarr - "I'LL FEED YOU A PLATE OF YOUR OWN FECES YOU ****** COWARD!"

 

 

 

Then with a loud crack it is all over with Lotion standing over Wirtan's lifeless corpse

 

 

 

FraQ - "Guess you could say he had his *snicker* MIND BLOWN!"