I think the distinction is that "sexy" is entirely subjective whereas sexualised leaves less room for debate. There is sometimes an overlap, and sometimes there isn't. There usually is to an extent because sexualisation of a character generally enhances what people tend to find attractive in that gender (I say generally because I'm well aware this isn't the case for everyone.) For women it 's breasts, hips, seductive movements etc. For men it's the chest, arms, shoulders being wider than hips, signifiers of strength and stability.
I find Cassandra extremely sexy, but I think everyone agrees that she is decidedly not sexualised. It's a silly argument to say "I don't find find Iron Bull sexy, therefore he isn't sexualised" because only you can decide if you find him sexy, but being sexualised doesn't depend on how attractive you find someone. I don't find Pamela Anderson or Miley Cyrus attractive in the least, but I doubt anyone would say they haven't ramped the sex factor up to 11.
Cassandra is pretty heavily "sexualized" (and consequently somewhat "sexy") to me, she has pretty good skin, those eyes that go kinda of doe in moments of shock and let the frowning go away. She has pretty ample breasts, I mean... it's all related to sex appeal on some fundamental level. By the standards of a random person she's basically a runway model. Iron Bull is basically an alien race but he's basically a blue MMA fighter, so it's also fundamentally tied to sexiness, sexualization, and sex appeal.
I think this sexy/sexualization distinction is pretty meaningless to be honest and makes me more confused than normal. The only reason it comes up is because I guess Cassandra has shorter hair and a few other things like full plate or whatever that supposedly make her not "sexy," which is like if you want a companion that's not sexy you would have a beholder in the party.
Incidentally I don't really see a problem with this, so Bioware wants to use sex appeal to sell their game, great. They just have that in common with 100% of all the art ever created like ever in all of human history. I mean really, that Venus statue from like 35000 BC is basically a harem anime girl from 2015. Or the Greeks had one of the most famous civilizations in history and they appeared to sexualize the **** out of everything.
To be honest I'm not really sure where this whole conversation is going... it almost sounds like "don't judge people strictly by their appearance" which I had assumed we all learned in 2nd grade?




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