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[Jeremiah12LGeek]

I have decided to suffer through a "No death, no bonfire" run of Dark Souls 2. That's where you complete an entire playthrough without resting at any bonfires, and try to finish the game without dying once.

 

Spoiler

The "no death" part isn't going to last very long.

 

The run through will feature one of our own local BSNers as the hero, CrimsonN7 (whose identity is being used entirely without her permission.)

 

 

 

I was having some problems rendering the images during the write-up, so here's hoping that they come through okay when I paste them in. It might take a little fiddling and editing to make sure all the images/video is linked and working correctly.

 

 

[Jeremiah12LGeek]

Chapter 1, Red Penises:

 

 

Our hero CrimsonN7 stood before the bonfire, preparing for her next journey. Did she fully realize the significance of this moment, the last time she would ever rest at a fire?

 

She was preparing for a journey through the land of "Dangleak." She was pretty sure it was named that way because the world upstairs kept leaking water on to everything.

 

With bravery, and a big sword, she pressed on.

 

 

Our hero soon found herself in a quiet field, full of small, monkey-like creatures that were kind of cute (as long as you didn't look too closely at their faces.)

 

"Surely," she thought to herself, "there will never come a time when these cute creatures swarm me and attempt to rip me to pieces."

 

 

Continuing through the field, Crimson was suddenly ambushed by glowing red penises!

 

 

Wandering past the now-faded penis corpses in the field, Crimson came upon an idyllic waterfall. "I wonder if anything big and angry is hiding behind it," she thought. So she decided to go look.

 

 

Sure enough, there was a giant, one-eyed thing staring intently at some rocks. "It's probably trying to figure out how far away those rocks are," she mused, "since it doesn't have depth perception."

 

Taking advantage of that fact, Crimson did what she likes to do best: shot it full of arrows while it couldn't shoot back.

 

 

"Why...?" it asked as it died, "I was only going to ask you for directions..."

 

 

Crimson took the cyclops' stuff and then continued past the waterfall, eventually coming across a mysterious hut, backlit by what appeared to be a crack in a mirror. "I wonder if anything inside will try to kill me?"

 

 

Crimson entered the hut, and was immediately greeted by several old women. "What's wrong with your face?" They asked. 

 

"Nothing!" she responded angrily, "what's wrong with your face!?"

 

 

"Hee hee, don't mind us, dear," one of the old woman answered. "We're all drunk around here. You'll become a drunk, too, just like all the rest."

 

"Just because I'm Irish doesn't mean I'm drunk," Crimson responded.

 

 

"And what is your name, hmm?" The old woman asked.

 

"I am CrimsonN7, Hero of Kvatch, and Best of the Best (and I earned that title totes legit, too.)"

 

 

"Well, you're not so drunk that you don't know your name, anyway... hee hee hee..."

 

 

The old woman then passed out on the table.

 

 

"You're going to have to travel to that nasty old King's castle," one of the remaining conscious women said. "And good luck with that!"

 

As Crimson left the cabin out the other side, one of them turned to the other and asked, "Do you think it'll work?"

 

"It would take a miracle," the other replied.

 

 

Outside of the cabin, Crimson found a bonfire, and could only look at it mournfully, for she would not be permitted to use it on her journey to the Nasty Old King's Castle. It was just a rule.

 

 

Almost immediately, Crimson was attacked by one of the drunks the old women mentioned. Luckily, drunks don't fight too well, so dispatching it was easy.

 

 

Through a cave and up a ladder, Crimson found a bird's nest... filled with the most annoying sounding birds she had ever heard in her life. She thought about killing them, but decided she didn't feel like trying to cook birds when she couldn't use fire.

 

 

Luckily, the nest did offer a bird's eye view of things, and she was able to use it to snipe another giant one-eyed guy. Crimson did like it when the enemies couldn't shoot back, as her fondness for archery and magic seemed to indicate.

 

 

The path was dotted with dangerous ledges and holes, some of which contained more of those glowing red enemies that Crimson really didn't like. Luckily, this time, she was free to fill them full of arrows from above, in relative safety.

[Jeremiah12LGeek]

Just doing some fixing with editing... hang on...

[Kaiser Arian XVII]

I don't think Dark Souls is a good game for BSN let's play. No companions to produce immersion.

[Jeremiah12LGeek]

Chapter 1, second half, "A Town Full of Drunks."

 

 

After carefully working her way through the cracks and holes of Dangleak, Crimson found a long cave, that opened into a better-lit area. "I'm sure that I'm safe now, she thought."

 

 

The cave had led her to the town of Majewela (where everything is pretty just before you die.)

 

 

Crimson saw a woman standing on a cliff, near an unlit bonfire. She tried to get her attention, hoping to figure out what she was supposed to do. But, the woman just kept staring at the sunset, muttering to herself, "I'm very important, don't kill me. I'm very important, don't kill me. I'm very important, don't kill me..."

 

 

Searching further into the town, Crimson found another drunk. This one, however, didn't attack her.

 

"I'm apparently supposed to find a nasty, old king. Do you know the way?" she asked.

 

"Whaa...?" the man's head remained buried in his hands. "Do you have any booze?"

 

"No. I'm looking for a way to the Nasty Old King's Castle."

 

"Are you from Dangleak?" The crestfallen drunk asked.

 

"No," Crim answered, "I'm from Ireland."

 

"But..." the man cried out, "You don't have any booze!? How can you be Irish?"

 

Crimson rolled her eyes. This man would obviously be no help.

 

 

Crimson wandered into one of the town's huts, and found a sitting man.

 

"Do you like my hat?" he asked.

 

"Um, it's okay, I guess," Crim answered. "Do you know the way to the Nasty Old King's Castle?"

 

The funny-dressed man shrugged, "No, I'm afraid. I'm a merchant, so I just sell things."

 

"Oh, that helps," Crimson looked around for some money, "Do you have anything good for sale?"

 

"Well, no, I don't." He turned his empty palms up. "I can't sell you anything good now, but if you buy a bunch of my things, I'll be able to sell you something good later."

 

Crimson blinked, staring blankly at the useless merchant on the floor. Then she left the hut.

 

 

In the next hut, Crimson found a cat. "Do you have anything good for sale?" She asked it.

 

"I'm busy!" replied the cat, "Can't you see that I'm in the middle of pushing down this wall?"

 

 

Searching the rest of the town for someone useful, Crimson came across a man sitting forlornly outside of a locked hut.

 

"Do you have anything good for sale?" She asked.

 

"Why yes, yes I do," replied the blacksmith, "and I'll sell it to you... just as soon as you find my key."

 

"What do you mean?" Crim asked.

 

"I'm locked out of this shop," the blacksmith answered," and I can't get in until you bring me my key."

 

Crim looked beside the man, "What about using that open window next to you?"

 

"What open window?"

 

"The one right next to you," Crim raised an eyebrow.

 

"I have no idea what you're talking about," the Blacksmith didn't even turn his head to look.

 

 

"This." Crim pointed directly at the window, "Follow my finger, this open window right here, why don't you use that?"

 

"Don't be ridiculous," the blacksmith scoffed, "No one could use that tiny thing. It's not a window, at all."

 

 

"Okay then," Crim moved to the other side of the blacksmith, "What about this window, right next to it, with a giant hole in the crumbling wall?"

 

"No idea what you mean." The blacksmith didn't even turn his head to look, "There are no windows here."

 

 

Crim stared at the world's most useless Blacksmith, and raised her arms in exasperation. Right about then, creepy glowing red penis dudes didn't seem so bad.

[Dobby]

Red Penises... oh my!

 

I felt very sad for the Cyclops. He was only going to ask for directions and you killed him.

 

Crimson is the Hero of Kvatch

[Jeremiah12LGeek]

For the sake of mentioning how the attempt ultimately went (as I just finished it)

 

Spoiler

 

The "No Bonfire" part was successful. The "No Death" part was not. I died... probably about 8 or 9 times.