334 réponses à ce sujet

[DaemionMoadrin]

I'm surprised that people are taking iron bulls romance so seriously...

 

 

Wait this is bsn...ok, I understand. xD

 

Well, serious... no, not really. This is still a game.

 

However, I am a little concerned how this relationship will be understood by most players, since it is usually misrepresented in the media. And while you could easily find out everything about it with the help of the internet, that would be too much effort for many people so they'll simply believe what they see here and/or accept it as fact. 

[Hazegurl]

IB is just telling how he is. He is like this, he can't be anything else. LOVE does not change our preferences and you should not lie about yourself in the name of love. I liked this part in him, and he saying this did not bother me a bit. My guy had an option to kick him out in any given moment.

I'm no fan of IB's style or his "My way or the highway" bluntness because I do think that there is room for some compromise in a relationship.  But if an issue is important then it's something you shouldn't compromise with.  IMO, I don't consider the need to top and have S&M sex that important to the point of no compromise but some people do and honestly I wouldn't even want to be with a person like that anyway.  No offense to anyone but I like versatility and fun, not a person who needs to do the same old thing over and over and over again just to get off.  And yeah S&M can be kinky and fun but like anything it can get dull if that's all the person wants to do.  Like people with foot fetishes or something.  If you need to rub my feet or something just to get off in bed then...just nope. It's better that they find like minded people instead and sometimes that may call for some bluntness in expressing what they want.  I personally would have laughed IB right out my bedroom and move on.

[In Exile]

I'm no fan of IB's style or his "My way or the highway" bluntness because I do think that there is room for some compromise in a relationship. But if an issue is important then it's something you shouldn't compromise with. IMO, I don't consider the need to top and have S&M sex that important to the point of no compromise but some people do and honestly I wouldn't even want to be with a person like that anyway. No offense to anyone but I like versatility and fun, not a person who needs to do the same old thing over and over and over again just to get off. And yeah S&M can be kinky and fun but like anything it can get dull if that's all the person wants to do. Like people with foot fetishes or something. If you need to rub my feet or something just to get off in bed then...just nope. It's better that they find like minded people instead and sometimes that may call for some bluntness in expressing what they want. I personally would have laughed IB right out my bedroom and move on.

Not that this is where you were going with it at all but whenever I see a "foot fetish" comment all I can think of is Dan Savage's line to the effect of "better the honest foot fetishist than the dishonest necrophiliac."

[Sah291]

Ok well, I'm not interested in BDSM at all, but without even getting into that, the fact that so many people feel obligated to agree to something they do not want, or are even outright opposed to, just because it was offered (in a very avoidable and non pushy way)... Says something unfortunate about society I think. I'm glad this character sparks so much debate.

[Octarin]

I'm no fan of IB's style or his "My way or the highway" bluntness because I do think that there is room for some compromise in a relationship.  But if an issue is important then it's something you shouldn't compromise with.  IMO, I don't consider the need to top and have S&M sex that important to the point of no compromise but some people do and honestly I wouldn't even want to be with a person like that anyway.  No offense to anyone but I like versatility and fun, not a person who needs to do the same old thing over and over and over again just to get off.  And yeah S&M can be kinky and fun but like anything it can get dull if that's all the person wants to do.  Like people with foot fetishes or something.  If you need to rub my feet or something just to get off in bed then...just nope. It's better that they find like minded people instead and sometimes that may call for some bluntness in expressing what they want.  I personally would have laughed IB right out my bedroom and move on.

 

 

Aaaaand in a gist that's what DaemionMoradin describes as mal-represented BDSM. There really is no point in discussing this, since it just always gets to this point. 

[DaemionMoadrin]

Hazegurl, you're confusing fetishes and BDSM. While there certaintly is some overlap, they are not the same...

[Hazegurl]

Not that this is where you were going with it at all but whenever I see a "foot fetish" comment all I can think of is Dan Savage's line to the effect of "better the honest foot fetishist than the dishonest necrophiliac."

Well I admit that a person with a foot fetish is better than a necrophiliac.  I wouldn't want to be with either though.

 

Aaaaand in a gist that's what DaemionMoradin describes as mal-represented BDSM. There really is no point in discussing this, since it just always gets to this point. 

Not getting your point since I wasn't talking about BDSM when I mentioned foot fetishes or IB's behavior.  If you mean my opinion of how having S&M sex can get boring if done often, once again, not seeing how that misrepresents S&M. Some folks like it and others don't.

 

Hazegurl, you're confusing fetishes and BDSM. While there certaintly is some overlap, they are not the same...

 

No I'm not. Read comment to Octarin please.

[DaemionMoadrin]

Not getting your point since I wasn't talking about BDSM when I mentioned foot fetishes or IB's behavior.  If you mean my opinion of how having S&M sex can get boring if done often, once again, not seeing how that misrepresents S&M. Some folks like it and others don't.

 

No I'm not. Read post above please.

 

Everything can become boring if done too much. Sex is sex though, no matter how you dress it up... and most people don't get tired of it. S/M isn't the correct term anyway but even just that part of BDSM is -very- versatile.

 

I think I'm done with this topic now, I don't feel comfortable explaining stuff like that in a public forum and I don't think people would want to listen to me anyway.

[Octarin]

Sex is sex though, no matter how you dress it up... and most people don't get tired of it. 

 

 

 

You've obviously never conversed with many middle aged married women... And here's where I'll stop too, taking the conversation privately now as well. 

[Hazegurl]

Everything can become boring if done too much. Sex is sex though, no matter how you dress it up... and most people don't get tired of it. S/M isn't the correct term anyway but even just that part of BDSM is -very- versatile.

 

I think I'm done with this topic now, I don't feel comfortable explaining stuff like that in a public forum and I don't think people would want to listen to me anyway.

That's my entire point. If one thing is all a person wants to do then it gets dull.  Like IB, who only wants to have one dynamic in the bedroom.  Sure one can argue that IB probably does many things in bed.  But it's all within the realm of his rigid stance....I don't feel right writing that for some reason.

 

As for BDSM, I'm sure it has a lot of activities and dynamics.  But it is a certain type of sexual practice which is why there are people who aren't into it at all vs those who are.  But yeah, if the topic is too sensitive for you, then it better to put it to bed.

[In Exile]

Well I admit that a person with a foot fetish is better than a necrophiliac. I wouldn't want to be with either though.

I'm sure. I didn't mean to imply Savage's meaning (he's of the view everyone has kinks and it's better to be with an open kinkster). I just thought it was a funny line.

[TevinterSupremacist]

I'm very entertained with this thread and I agree with OP, I'd welcome a romance arc with us being dominant.

[(Disgusted noise.)]

Ugh, please, no. I'd rather not have to abandon anymore romance options because they force my character into a very specific personality with zero room for headcanoning.

[AresKeith]

Ugh, please, no. I'd rather not have to abandon anymore romance options because they force my character into a very specific personality with zero room for headcanoning.

 

Then don't do the romance

[(Disgusted noise.)]

Then don't do the romance

 

I didn't. My point is that I don't want to have to do that again.

[DomeWing333]

Ugh, please, no. I'd rather not have to abandon anymore romance options because they force my character into a very specific personality with zero room for headcanoning.

Preferring to play a dominant or submissive role in the bedroom doesn't necessarily have to translate into having a dominant or submissive personality in general. I imagine it's pretty common for people to use the BDSM as a way to act out fantasies that are quite at odds with their usual demeanor or role. In fact, one possible explanation for Bull's preference for sexual dominance in the game could be that it serves as a psychological escape from his submission to the Qun. There's still plenty of room for headcanoning.

[AresKeith]

Preferring to play a dominant or submissive role in the bedroom doesn't necessarily have to translate into having a dominant or submissive personality in general. I imagine it's pretty common for people to use the BDSM as a way to act out fantasies that are quite at odds with their usual demeanor or role. In fact, one possible explanation for Bull's preference for sexual dominance in the game could be that it serves as a psychological escape from his submission to the Qun. There's still plenty of room for headcanoning.

 

Especially seeing how submissive he is around Vivienne

[Koneko Koji]

Preferring to play a dominant or submissive role in the bedroom doesn't necessarily have to translate into having a dominant or submissive personality in general. I imagine it's pretty common for people to use the BDSM as a way to act out fantasies that are quite at odds with their usual demeanor or role. In fact, one possible explanation for Bull's preference for sexual dominance in the game could be that it serves as a psychological escape from his submission to the Qun. There's still plenty of room for headcanoning.

 

I'm not really sure about that - although he does serve under the Qun, Bull is in charge of every aspect of his life as part of his cover mission; he runs the chargers, he feeds back only the info he chooses, he fights who he chooses at a price he chooses - I don't think a continued need for domination is an escape, but rather perhaps a fear or inability to let go of the power he now commands. However, this being said - when he talks about visiting for relief, he mentions a group effort and an apparatus being used, with what I understood as it being used on him - so he's not incapable of letting someone else be in charge, or having an equal relationship - he just doesn't want one.

I honestly get the idea with Bull that even when in the 'relationship', he sees it as a sex / release thing right up until he's presented with a dragons tooth.

[duckley]

You've obviously never conversed with many middle aged married women... And here's where I'll stop too, taking the conversation privately now as well.

Thanks for letting me know. Middle aged me will explain that to my middle aged hubby LOL.

[DomeWing333]

I'm not really sure about that - although he does serve under the Qun, Bull is in charge of every aspect of his life as part of his cover mission; he runs the chargers, he feeds back only the info he chooses, he fights who he chooses at a price he chooses - I don't think a continued need for domination is an escape, but rather perhaps a fear or inability to let go of the power he now commands. However, this being said - when he talks about visiting for relief, he mentions a group effort and an apparatus being used, with what I understood as it being used on him - so he's not incapable of letting someone else be in charge, or having an equal relationship - he just doesn't want one.

I honestly get the idea with Bull that even when in the 'relationship', he sees it as a sex / release thing right up until he's presented with a dragons tooth.

I think he feels the influence of the Qun more than he lets on. It's why he's uncomfortable talking about the Qun with the Inquisitor and why he was potentially willing to sacrifice his closest friends because "the Qun demanded it." I think Bull tries to exercise as much freedom and control as he can through base pleasures like combat, sex, and drinking because he still feels that, ultimately, his life belongs to the Qun. It's just a possibility. Not saying that's certainly the case. Which is sort of my point. You can headcanon a lot of different stuff onto a sexually dominant character.

[Seraphim24]

Are you trying to make your post sound as complicated as possible?

 

Hardcore is a very subjective term. Most relationships are monogamous, BDSM or not. There is no correlation between the two although it is often said that a M/s relationship is like being married. But just as marriage, it can be open or not. Monogamous or not.

 

"I doubt anyone (in the mainstream or BDSM) is really ready for that kind of theory though." ... oh please, what are you trying to do here? Are you the misunderstood prophet of truth now?

 

This is all normal, not new and certaintly not groundbreaking. Just people being with each other. *shrugs*

 

Oh no that came off wrong, I didn't mean to try and be the misunderstood prophet of truth or something, it's just I couldn't help but notice that people who practice BDSM struggle to orient themselves relative to the "Vanilla types," and my idea was basically like you said there are many remarkably vanilla things in it such as many people being monogamous.

 

I wasn't trying to sound all high and mighty but rather suggest that I haven't really met anyone who seems open to that idea right now.. I think they might someday though....

[Malthier]

I couldn't help but notice that people who practice BDSM struggle to orient themselves relative to the "Vanilla types,"

 

From what experiences did you draw this conclusion?

[Seraphim24]

From what experiences did you draw this conclusion?

 

Mostly the internet, I guess I just couldn't help but notice people talk about the importance of unconditional commitments and really giving it your all, the importance of treating people respectfully, the importance of putting someone else above yourself and how that is such a major turn on and all.

 

I'm like guys this is a Disney movie.

[Aulis Vaara]

But it is a certain type of sexual practice

 

No it isn't. Sex is not a necessary component of BDSM, though obviously if you're a BDSM couple, it'll most likely be a component. However, let's say we have a guy who is a masochist. He might well let himself be whipped by both men and women he has no sexual relation with, because it's the intensity, the play, that counts and not his sexual attraction to the people holding the whip/flogger/cane. Same goes for people who visit professional dommes. Very often there's nothing sexual involved, they just like being forced into a dress and made to clean a room.

BDSM just isn't sexual. Sure, some vanilla people try to be kinky in the bedroom, but that's not real BDSM. And many BDSM'ers bring it into the bedroom, but they don't do that for the sex, but because they are into BDSM.

 

[Seraphim24]

No it isn't. Sex is not a necessary component of BDSM, though obviously if you're a BDSM couple, it'll most likely be a component. However, let's say we have a guy who is a masochist. He might well let himself be whipped by both men and women he has no sexual relation with, because it's the intensity, the play, that counts and not his sexual attraction to the people holding the whip/flogger/cane. Same goes for people who visit professional dommes. Very often there's nothing sexual involved, they just like being forced into a dress and made to clean a room.

BDSM just isn't sexual. Sure, some vanilla people try to be kinky in the bedroom, but that's not real BDSM. And many BDSM'ers bring it into the bedroom, but they don't do that for the sex, but because they are into BDSM.

 

 

I guess it's just a lot of it seemed like you could still predict people's wants and desires based on the "vanilla" rules of dating. Maybe someone likes being whipped but they would probably prefer it to be by an attractive female (if they're a guy), or someone that seems like a suitable partner.

 

Plus it seems like you can fantasize about something sexual in nature while doing something else. Perhaps being whipped cause him/her to think of their body, which is a sexual thing, and in a sense another person's sexual body.

 

Or like why forced into a "dress?" you know? It just seems like everything is always conveniently a bit sexual if not overtly so at least in suggestion or possibility. Very rarely does it seem like people do things purely in an abstract sense without grounding in basic sexual desires....

 

I'm not really here to like be critical or anything necessarily, it's just something I've noticed.

 

For example 50 Shades of Gray I'm like.. this is sort of just the standard rom-com super rich controlling guy and submissive female that is in every other movie, like, that's the foundation, so you throw in a few whips and chains, but it's still fundamentally that sort of concept.

 

Maybe what I'm getting at is there isn't so much BDSM and like hardcore BDSM or whatever but just a reflection that power (equality and inequality) is the way in which everyone forms relationships, whether that's made explicit in the form of toys and such seems somewhat secondarily related.